Breathe
by uselessfork
Summary: Hatake Kakashi knew enough about life as a shinobi not to get too close to anyone - not even her. When Kaya was captured and tortured by Orochimaru, he threw those ideals away to save her. He needs her like a heartbeat. She needs him like the air in her lungs. Kakashi x OC. Rated M for violence, mental illness themes, references to rape and future lemons. [KakashixOC]
1. Chapter 1

The two ninja stood several feet apart in the middle of the clearing; one silver-haired, one black. Both poised to fight. The morning sun shone bravely through the clouds in the sky, casting a weak light onto their training ground.

Suddenly, as if by an invisible signal, they both sprang into action, sparring faster than seemed possible. They were locked into a fast paced round of hand-to-hand combat, their punches and kicks blurring together.

The silver haired nin seemed to gain the upper hand, and began slowly forcing the girl back towards the white line boundary behind her. Suddenly, she sprang from a crouch and knocked his legs from underneath him. She dived on him before he could jump back up and straddled his stomach, a kunai pressed neatly against his neck. Her pretty lips curved into a smile. She was about to announce her own victory when the man disappeared from underneath her in a cloud of smoke.

"Kakashi!"

...

"Kakashi!" I scolded, already climbing back to my feet. "I thought we were doing _tai_jutsu training, not ninjutsu."

He gave a dry chuckle.

"Sorry," he laughed again. "Fighting you, I have to improvise."

I felt a small ember of pride burn deep within my chest. It had taken me years to win any approval from my ex-sensei, and even now his acknowledgement brought me back to my days as a child, when I was sure I would never hear it.

The silence was broken by the sound of running feet. Forgetting our conversation, Kakashi and I turned to find the source of the noise as it broke from the edge of the trees. The pink-haired kunoichi ran into the clearing and slowed to a walk as she neared us. She smiled.

"Kakashi-sensei, Kaya!" She nodded respectfully towards us. "Sorry to interrupt training, but the Fifth wants to see you both. I think you have new missions." She smiled again. I gave a small smile in return.

"Understood." I said. "Thanks for coming all the way out here."

"Mm." Kakashi agreed beside me.

We began to walk back to the village together, settling easily into silence. As I walked to the right of them, my mind wandered. _Next time,_ I decided, _next time I would win the sparring contest._ The thought made me smile a little and I began to walk faster towards the Hokage's building, now in sight from the edge of the village. Sakura and Kakashi matched their pace to mine. Within minutes we were standing outside Tsunade-sama's door. Sakura knocked firmly.

"Enter!" came Tsunade's call from inside.

She looked up as we strode to the front of her desk.

"Ah, Kakashi, Kaya." She gave a small nod. I bowed quickly to her. Beside me, I felt Kakashi shoot me a small glance, but I ignored him. Many nin no longer bowed in the Fifth's office, especially after reaching jounin status. For me, however, it was a habit I was not quick to forget.

Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Right, you are both being sent on missions within the hour." She began. "Kakashi, you will lead Team Kakashi on an escort mission. It's only B-rank, but it involves guarding a relative of the Feudal Lord, so I'm sending your team. Sakura, if you wouldn't mind, would you find Sai and Naruto and tell them to prepare to leave in an hour? You'll get more details at debriefing."

Sakura nodded and left quickly. Tsunade turned back to Kakashi.

"There doesn't seem to be any imminent danger to the mission, however I want you to keep the others on guard. Politics between the nations are restless at the moment, and the last thing we need is a Konoha team to slip up."

Kakashi nodded.

"Understood." His voice had taken on the serious tone of Team Captain which I was so familiar with.

"Good." Tsunade said approvingly. "You're dismissed."

Kakashi left quickly.

"Kaya," Tsunade began, "I also want you to lead a team. I have a reconnaissance mission in Amegakure which needs to be carried out right away. You'll be team captain. I'm assigning Yamanaka Ino and Nara Shikamaru to your care. This mission is top secret and is to be carried out undercover. Unless absolutely necessary, do not engage in combat."  
I nodded firmly.

"I understand." I said.

"Good. You are also dismissed. Please notify the others and prepare to leave immediately. Your mission scroll and details will be given to you at debriefing as well. You are dismissed." I bowed deeply.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." And with that, I took my leave.

...

Kakashi absentmindedly packed his things into a bag. The mission was an easy one, from what he could tell, and would be over within a few days. He didn't think he would need to exert himself too much... And on that note, he added _Icha Icha Tactics_ to one of the pockets in the small duffel.

A soft knock on his front door woke him from his thoughts. It was immediately followed by a louder banging and the call of his subordinate.

"Oi! Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto demanded loudly. "Sakura-chan said we have a mission! What's taking you so long?"

"Naruto!" He heard Sakura's muffled voice scold. "You don't just bang on someone's door like that!"

Kakashi suppressed a small chuckle as he imagined the scene outside. No doubt Sai was staring at his two friends in confusion, Naruto rubbing his head sulkily in the aftermath of Sakura's backhand, and the girl in question standing to the side with folded arms.

He pulled the backpack onto his shoulder and started towards the door. After giving his small apartment a final customary glance, he turned the handle and stepped out to greet his team.

...

As I stocked my weapons pouch with kunai, I heard a gentle knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in." I called softly, looking up to see my guardian, Kurenai, letting herself in quietly. I'd been so distracted by thoughts of the mission that I hadn't even heard her come home. She gave a soft smile as she took in my mission clothes - the standard jounin vest and undershirt, black pants and the forehead protector which I often used to keep my long black hair off my face.

"I didn't realise you had a mission today." She began.

"I only just found out myself," I replied. "Tsunade-sama assigned it as a top secret mission."

She frowned in consternation for a moment. I gave a small smile to reassure her.

"Did you need anything in particular?" I asked. "I'm sorry to say so but my mission starts right away."

"Oh!" she exclaimed quietly. "No, no, it can wait. We'll have a proper talk when you return, is that okay?"

I nodded. I finished strapping my weapons pouch to my waist and gathered my bag into my arms.

"I should go."

"Yes, of course. I don't want to keep you from your mission." I began to leave the apartment, and walked past Kurenai.

"Kaya." She murmured softly. I felt a gentle touch on my forearm and turned back to smile at her.

"Be careful, okay?" She finished. I laughed.

"Of course."

Then I turned and left the apartment, on my way to the mission gate.

...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's read so far! And thank you for reviewing, you're great! **

**Flashbacks are in italics. Hope you guys enjoy! xxx**

I lead the way as my team and I jumped from tree to tree through the darkening forest. A quick glance at the sky told me we would have to stop and make camp soon. Slowing to a halt, I turned back to Ino and Shikamaru. They alighted onto the tree branch beside me within moments.

"We'll have to find somewhere to camp. A small clearing should be fine - as soon as we come to one we'll stop there." I relayed my directions.

It was several minutes before we came to a suitable place to stop, and by then the sun had already set. We lit a small fire and spread our sleeping bags out around it. This far from any civilisation we were unlikely to run into anyone, however I set up a watch system anyway.

"I'll go first." I explained. "In a few hours I'll wake up Shikamaru, and he'll do the same later for you, Ino." They both nodded.

I shared out food rations and sat back against a tree.

"Oi, Shikamaru!" Ino grumbled. "Don't sleep too close to me!"

Shikamaru gave a long suffering sigh.

"I'm not sleeping too close to you," he explained wearily. "Kaya-taijou is on watch on one side of the clearing." I was surprised when addressed me so formally, but I quickly remembered Shikamaru's reliably clear head. If we were on a mission, of course he would address me as 'captain'.

"It makes the most sense for us both to sleep on this side, to give us the best chance if we're ambushed." He continued. "The rocks behind us mean we can't be snuck up on from behind."

"Well- I- Well!" Ino trailed off. However, I noticed as they settled into sleep that she didn't move her sleeping bag away from his. I smiled to myself a little before sitting up straighter and preparing myself for the hours of watch. The forest around was peaceful.

...

"NARUTO!" Sakura practically growled at her comrade, who was rubbing his newly-sore head sheepishly.

"Ch-but-no I wasn't doing anything perverted!" Naruto hurriedly tried to explain himself. "I just thought that it's a cold night so maybe we could sleep next to each other -" He abruptly stopped talking as he took in the expression on Sakura's face, and quickly pulled his sleeping bag away from hers. With a 'humph!' Sakura lay down on her back and turned away from him.

Across the fire, Sai was also laying down to sleep. Kakashi noticed the Feudal Lord's cousin cast a slightly worried glance over at Naruto and Sakura's argument before scooting a couple of centimetres away from Sakura as well. Kakashi almost chuckled.

"Sai." He called, before the boy fell asleep. "I'll wake you in 2 hours for watch."

"Of course, Kakashi-senpai." Sai returned professionally.

Within minutes the camp had fallen into slumber. Naruto snored quietly in his sleep. Kakashi had always envied him slightly for how carefree he could be on missions. He pulled his much-loved copy of Icha Icha from his pack and settled down to read by the dim firelight. Though he'd never admit it, being able to read in the dark was one of his favourite aspects of his sharingan.

He wondered how Kaya and her team were handling their mission. Despite her youth, the girl had always been responsible beyond her years. He didn't doubt she was taking the first watch too, wherever she was. With that thought, he turned back to his book. A small smile played on his masked lips.

...

_"Ah, Kakashi!" Tsunade smiled as he walked into her office. "Thank you for your time."_

_He noticed Kurenai standing in front of the Fifth's desk as well, and nodded respectfully to them both. _Was this about a mission?_ He wondered. _

_"I have something to discuss with you." Tsunade began. He noticed her tone had become slightly somber after her cheerful greeting._

_"Ah - yes, of course." Kakashi glanced quickly at Kurenai once again._

_"You would of course have heard about the massacre in the Hidden Mist Village a week ago." It was a statement, not a question, but Kakashi nodded anyway._

_"The attack took the lives of a couple of other ninja in the Mist as well, but it seems it was aimed at a branch of the Yuhi clan who lived there." Tsunade paused._

_"Almost all of Kurenai's family there were killed." Kakashi felt a pang of sympathy for the woman beside him, who had doubtless lost family members she cared for._

_"One girl survived, however," Tsunade continued. Kakashi looked up in surprise. "by creating genjutsu which tricked the enemy into believing she was already dead." _

_To trick an enemy like that... One which was skilled enough to kill a clan of genjutsu users... The illusion must have been powerful indeed._

_"She will be living with Kurenai from now on - I believe she is arriving today?" She directed her question at Kurenai._

_"Yes." She said softly._

_"Mm." continued Tsunade. "Kakashi, I want you to take part in her training. Kurenai will continue to develop her genjutsu, but from what I hear she's skilled in taijutsu as well, which is where she will need your instruction. I realise your team is in some distress since we lost Sasuke," Kakashi mentally winced at the mention of his missing student._

_"But I hope I can rely on you. She's only a year older than Naruto and Sakura, so they should make good teammates." Tsunade finished her speech and leaned back in her chair, framed by the window behind her and the slowly setting sun._

_"Understood." Kakashi assented._

_"Good. You're dismissed."_

_Kakashi left quickly, leaving Kurenai and Tsunade to talk alone. _

...

"Shikamaru, did you find the file in the jounin office?" I asked in a low voice.

He nodded. I noticed drops of rain running off his hair and forehead protector, darkening his hair, as was doubtless the case for myself as well. I turned to my left, where Ino ran silently next to us.

"Ino, did you get anything out of the gate guard?" She opened her mouth to reply, but I warned her with my eyes to stay silent. She closed her mouth and nodded.

"Good." I kept my voice as quiet as possible, wary of being discovered despite the fact that we were heading away from Amegakure and were out of earshot of any civilians. It wasn't civilians I was worried about, however.

I picked up my speed and felt the others do the same. We ran until I was satisfied we were far enough from the village to be out of earshot even of ninja. I slowed to a halt and pulled my team members under the shelter of a tree, casting my eyes around for any spies. Well, any spies other than ourselves, that is.

"Excellent job." I complimented them proudly. "We have more intel into the political strike than we were sent out for, and as far as I know, no one in the village suspected us of being ninjas." Ino grinned. Even Shikamaru gave a wry smile.

"However," I continued quietly. "I think we might be being tailed. Not by Amegakure ninja - we would have noticed if we were followed from the village. The chakra is very elusive, and I may be overreacting. But just in case, stay on your guard, both of you."

"Enemy ninja looking for our intel?" Shikamaru murmured.

"Possibly." I kept my voice as low as possible. "I think we should send some decoys their way to throw them off our scent."

That said, I performed the signs for shadow clones. Without a word, my three clones shot off into the forest to confuse their tracking. I felt a little better after releasing them, but there was one more step to my plan.

"Ino." She looked up, her eyebrows knit in consternation. I felt a small twinge of pride as I took in both her and Shikamaru's determined expressions.

"If they know about our mission somehow, chances are they also know I'm the team leader." I took a breath, considering my next choice of words. "If it does come to combat, they'll most likely target me to search for the intel. We can't afford to let this fall into enemy hands. As a precaution I'm going to give you the documents. If we have to fight them, make sure you get away first. I'm sure Shikamaru and I can handle them, whoever they are." I gave her a small, reassuring smile.

After a moment of hesitation, she nodded. I handed her the two scrolls, and Shikamaru slipped a file out of his vest and gave it to her. She quickly stowed them away under her vest and climbed to her feet.

I did the same, raising out of my crouch to scan the surrounding trees once more. The coast was clear. I raised my hand in signal, and as one we sprung back into action, racing off through the forest once more.

...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N This chapter is the beginning of the Orochimaru/capture story arc. It contains some graphic violence, and future chapters will contain a lot more. Please view at your own discretion! And thank you to everyone who has read so far. You guys are awesome.**

I panted with exertion as I forced my exhausted body to run faster. Beside me, Ino was gasping for air, Shikamaru gritting his teeth as he put pressure on the cut on his arm. It had been hours since we realised we were being followed, and yet we couldn't seem to lose the pursuit. Tendrils of fear forced their way into my lungs, threatening to overtake me with worry for my team.

_No!_ I demanded internally. _I'm their captain. I can't let them down again - underestimating our trackers was mistake enough._

My shadow clones had almost worked - I'd been sure they'd distracted the enemy until I felt the phantom pain of a kunai slice into my stomach, and my jutsu had been cancelled. Whoever they were, they'd taken out one of my shadow clones. The other two had been quick to follow, and by the time the third one was gone, I was hissing orders to run faster to Ino and Shikamaru. These were no ordinary shinobi... The knowledge had filled me with dread even as I created more shadow clones to send behind us.

It was while I was distracted making the signs that Shikamaru had been caught by the trackers' trap. A perfectly hidden wire had set a wave of kunai ready to fly straight for us. I'd grabbed both of their arms and dived to the ground to dodge the assault - but not fast enough. One of the kunai had grazed Shikamaru's upper arm. Guilt had hit me sharply, but I didn't have time to sit and apologise. We'd had to begin running again straight away, this time watching for traps.

_It was almost as if, _I thought as we ran, _they knew we'd dodge it. They just wanted to know which trap we'd set off first._

A wave of shock ran through my body as I felt my shadow clones get hit again. The enemy was gaining on us, enough now that I could feel the malice in their chakra.

It only took me a split second to make the decision. I had to stop them before they got to my teammates, or the intel. Abruptly, I jerked to a stop and motioned for the others to do the same. Ino leant forward with her hands on her knees, panting just as I was. I quickly pulled a bandage from my pack and pressed it into Shikamaru's hands.

"You two have to go now, understood?" I ordered in a low voice. "Run as fast as you can back to Konoha and tell Tsunade-sama what's happened here. Hopefully I'll catch you up before you get to the gates." I tried to smile, but I could tell Shikamaru could see through it.

"Shika, guard Ino and the intel without fail. If you get a chance to heal Shikamaru's arm, Ino, do it. But not if it puts you both in more danger. Go now, quickly. I'll deal with them."

Throughout my speech Ino's face had grown more and more troubled, but I fixed her with a firm look.

"Those are orders." I stressed, hating having to play that card but knowing it was necessary. "As your captain, I am _ordering_ that you leave now. Go!"

Shikamaru sighed in frustration, but I knew he would follow my orders. Helping Ino to her feet, he started off again in the direction of Konoha. For a few steps he had to pull her, but she seemed to realise she had to leave. With one last troubled glance over her shoulder, she joined Shikamaru and raced off.

With them gone, the forest felt eerily silent. The birds weren't singing nor the trees rustling. It was then that I realised my sense of the enemy chakra had grown stronger.

Taking one last deep breath, I steeled my nerves and turned back the way we'd come. If I was going to fight these trackers, I would give Ino and Shikamaru as much of a head start as possible.

The cooling afternoon air felt soothing on my face as I jumped from tree branch to tree branch. I pulled a kunai from the pouch at my waist. I tightened my Konoha forehead guard.

...

_"Eh? A new team member?" As I walked up the hill towards the training ground I'd been directed to I heard a boy's voice call out loudly._

_"But what do we need a new team member for? I'm going to bring Sasuke back anyway." The name sparked recognition in my mind - wasn't that the missing nin Kurenai had mentioned?_

_A small sigh, followed by a deep man's voice._

_"Kaya-san is new to the village and so has been added to our team for training and missions." The man explained patiently._

_"How old is she?" A high, clear female voice asked curiously. _

_"I believe she's thirteen."_

_At that moment I reached the crest of the hill and saw the source of the voices. A blonde boy in a bright orange jumpsuit saw me immediately, and ran over. Behind him stood a pretty girl with pink hair, talking quietly to a masked, silver-haired man. I supposed he must be my new captain, and before I got any closer, I stopped and sunk into a low bow._

_An embarrassed laugh caused me to look up. The man had his hand behind his head and was smiling politely. The boy had frozen in his tracks when he saw me bow and was now peering at me in confusion. Only the pink-haired girl seemed unaffected by my show of respect, and gave a small smile and a bow of her own to me. Surprised, I stood up straight and smiled at her._

_"I'm pleased to meet you." I said quietly. The man cleared his throat._

_"Pleased to meet you also, Kaya-san." His demeanor was welcoming and polite, but he seemed closed off somehow. I wondered if he was always talking from behind walls or if it was only because I was new. The thought made me feel even more small._

_"My name is Kakashi. This is Sakura and Naruto." He gestured to each as he spoke. _

_"I'm pleased to meet you." Said Sakura with a smile. _

_"Kaya-chan! I'm Naruto!" The boy interrupted. I almost smiled - his attitude was infectious. _And a quick turn around from before,_ I added in my head. _

_He ran back to the others and spoke to Sakura in a low voice, as if he thought I couldn't hear him_

_"She's really pretty, isn't she Sakura-chan!" He gestured to me. I felt my cheeks grow warm as I blushed. Kakashi - Kakashi-_sensei,_ I corrected in my head, glanced over to me and took in my obvious discomfort._

_"Ah, Kaya-san!" he called out. I walked briskly over to the group and nodded in respect to him once more before addressing him._

_"Yes." I replied. He gave me an unreadable look after my second, much shallower bow, but didn't say anything._

_"The Fifth thought you should be offered a Konoha forehead protecter today." He pulled the guard out from his weapons pouch and held it out to me._

_"She did say, however, that if you'd rather wait for a while and train with your Hidden Mist protector for now-" At the mention of the Hidden Mist, Naruto jerked up in surprise, "then that would be okay."_

_I took in his reassuring smile and glanced back down at the forehead protector he was holding out to me. I hadn't worn my Hidden Mist one today - I was a Konoha shinobi now, this was my new home - but I was reluctant to give it up._

But I wouldn't have to get rid of it, would I? _I reasoned. _Maybe I could keep it as a possession._ With that, I made up my mind._

_"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei." I said quietly, and took the forehead protector from his hand. As I tied back my long hair with it, I felt some of the homesickness I'd been feeling dissipate. This was my home now._

_..._

A kunai whistled through the air by my head without warning. At the last second, I dodged out of the way - but not fast enough. Startled, I lifted my hand to my ear and felt the small nick there. When I brought my hand away, a drop of blood ran down my finger.

_What the f-_ I thought as I dropped to the forest floor, landing in a defensive crouch. The sound of laughter cut my confusion short and I pulled a second kunai out of my pouch, holding one in each hand, ready to strike.

"My, my, Kabuto, she's fast isn't she?" A silky voice called out. I stiffened. _Kabuto? Wasn't that -_

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." A second voice replied with a dry laugh. "Shall I tie her up?" Two figures emerged from behind the trees. One with silver hair and glasses, who appeared to be smirking. And the other, tall, with long black hair and incredibly pale skin. Most disturbing about his appearance, however, was the evil yellow eyes which stared out at me. I felt as if I had never seen such malice before those eyes.

_Orochimaru._

"And just how, exactly," I said through gritted teeth, "do you plan on doing that?"

Before Kabuto could answer, I launched myself from the floor, using my full speed to attack. I aimed one of my kunai and threw it mid sprint at Orochimaru's chest. Swiftly, I launched myself towards him, kunai ready to strike. In the moment that he was distracted by my first throw, I jumped into the air and, with both hands grasping the kunai tightly, brought it down towards his throat.

For a second, I thought I was going to hit him. With determination I plunged down and aimed for the vital point.

A crippling force hit me from the side, knocking me hard into the nearest tree. On impact, all the air went out of me, and I fell to the ground, winded. I gasped for breath, still clutching the unused kunai in my left hand. I looked up to see Kabuto standing over me, a smug smile on his face.

"Bastard." I hissed. Once more I sprang from the floor, this time aiming for Kabuto. He blocked my fist, but I felt my knee connect satisfyingly with his stomach. He gave a small grunt and sprang back towards me, but I was faster. I kicked again, springing around him with ease to grab his shirt from behind and slam him down to the ground. As he hit the floor with a _thud_ I gave a grim smile before jumping back several feet to avoid his hand grasping at my ankle.

In a flash he was back on his feet, both of us panting slightly. I feinted to his left with my fist, then swung my elbow round to meet his throat. This time, however, he saw me coming.

He hit me hard in the stomach with both fists, sending me flying. For the second time I glared up at him from the ground, winded. He smirked.

"You're fast, but you're really not-" Before he could finish gloating, I took my chance and made the signs for a shadow clone as quickly as I could. A clone appeared beside me. Kabuto's eyes only had time to widen slightly in surprise before I was upon him again. This time I alternated blows with my clone, inching round Kabuto to try to corner him from behind.

Finally, I dodged a particularly fast punch from him and rolled around behind his back. In an instant, I was on my feet and running towards him, ready to deliver a chakra-enhanced blow to his spine. My clone aimed for his chest as well, running towards him at full speed. Kabuto had no time to block or dodge. This would be the end of him.

I raised my fist to strike -

All of a sudden there was no ground beneath me. My fist connected with thin air; I heard a pop and my clone was gone. The only thing I could feel was the iron grip on my throat, which was slowly squeezing the oxygen from my body.

I spluttered and gasped for air; the corners of my vision were throbbing with black. I forced my eyes down to to see the owner of the hand, and Orochimaru glared back at me. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was his evil yellow eyes boring into mine. Then everything went silent.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:**

**The following chapter contains a graphic rape scene and could be highly triggering to some people. Please, please don't read this if you feel it could upset you in any way. I in absolutely no way condone or promote rape, and through this chapter am attempting to portray my own feelings of disgust towards the act.**

**tl;dr: Trigger warning: rape.**

It was the pain which woke me in the end. For a moment I was conscious without feeling; only dimly aware that I was lying on my back. When I tried to move and sit up, the pain set in. I felt my body scream in protest as I forced my weight onto my elbows. Just that small movement was enough to start me gasping for air. My throat and neck throbbed, my ribs were on fire, and I was dizzy with the pain of it. I tried to focus on my body and assess the damage, but my only conclusion was that I probably had some broken ribs.

I looked hazily around me. The only light came from a small lamp set into a stone wall to my left. I could make out that I was lying on a wooden bed frame on top of a thin mattress, and could see a door on the far wall. I knew that attempting to get across to it would be impossible in the state I was in now. I could barely breathe, let alone stand up.

I wanted nothing more than to lay back down and sink into the nothingness of sleep, but I forced my mind to stay awake, and leaned forward further, using my hands to push myself up into a sitting position. I panted from the exertion. I'd only moved a few inches, but sitting up just then had felt like the hardest thing I'd ever done. Again, I felt my body beg me to give up and just let blackness take me, but I pushed the thought out of my mind before it could plant a seed.

I tried to remember how I'd gotten here. My mind was blank. _Why had I passed out?_ Shakily, I raised one hand to my forehead and rubbed my temple. _I'd been on a mission and - _

The knowledge hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest. I heard a sharp intake of breath that I numbly realised was my own. _Oh my god. Orochimaru. I tried to fight Orochimaru and he... And he what? Where am I? _

It was then that I heard the sound of a key turning in a lock, and the small creak of the door as it swung open. I squinted at the silhouette in the door way. I almost cried out when I recognized the outline of Kabuto, but I bit my lip. He swung the door closed behind him with a thud. He sauntered into the room slowly, almost predatorily, and I had to suppress a moan of fear. He seemed to sense my fear despite my best efforts, and as he walked into the circle of light cast by the lamp, I took in the smirk on his cruel face.

"You're awake!" he mocked. "How are you feeling, Kaya-chan?"

"H-how do you know my name?" I tried my best to glare at him without gasping at the growing pain in my ribs. He laughed at my weak attempt.

"You didn't think it was an accident that we found you, do you? You're even thicker than I thought." I couldn't react to his words at all, the pain in my chest was becoming too distracting.

He seemed to realise I couldn't talk anymore and smirked again.

"Ah yes, you're probably in some pain, right Kaya-chan?" I gritted my teeth and kept silent.

He took a few steps closer until he was leaning over me. My arms shook with the strain of holding myself up when I was in so much pain. I waited for him to hit me, choke me, kill me. He didn't. He just stared, his eyes roaming over my face, my neck... Down my body. Instinctually, I tried to cover my body by crossing my arms. At that point I truly collapsed and fell back onto the bed with a gasp. He laughed. I looked down - _oh_.

My mission vest and shirt were gone. All I wore now was my tight vested undershirt, and my cotton pants. Anger surged through me, giving me the strength to look back up into his eyes.

"Fuck you." I spat at him in disgust. He pretended to gasp, and then broke into laughter again. I glared at him as he chuckled.

"Ah, Kaya-chan."

Suddenly, I felt a hand stroke my bruised throat. In an instant he was on top of me, his hips straddling mine. The weight of his body forced a pained groan from between my lips. Instinctually, I tried to curl up to bear the pain, but Kabuto didn't budge.

He ran his hand into my hair and tangled his fingers into the locks at the nape of my neck. I felt his other hand grab the bottom of my shirt and roll it up over my stomach, and further still, till the bottom of my breasts were exposed.

"Get off me!" I let out a small sob and immediately tried to hide the hitch in my voice. He grinned.

"Now why would I do that?" he asked. I raised my hands to his chest and tried to push him off. In my weakened state my efforts were futile. I was barely able to nudge him at all.

Ignoring me, he pulled my shirt up completely in one final, harsh tug, fully exposing my breasts. I felt cold air hit my body. I held back a cry of rage, knowing it would only make him laugh more.

Slowly, painstakingly, he circled my nipple with his fingers, brushing over the sensitive flesh. All at once, he pinched it hard between his finger and thumb, and squeezed. If I could, I would have killed him then and there.

I gasped, and he let out a delighted laugh at my reaction. He pulled his other hand from my hair and set to work on my other nipple, pinching and pulling them in his iron grip. I opened my mouth to protest, when Kabuto gave a small, almost inaudible grunt. Suddenly he pushed his hips hard against mine, and gave another small grunt. I felt something hard pulsing through the clothing between us, and breathed in sharply. _This can't be happening..._ I tried futilely to convince myself.

Kabuto moved at a different pace now, his actions no longer slow and drawn out. He reached down to my hips and raised himself off of me momentarily, the lack of weight feeling like a blessing as my bruised body strained beneath him - until he gave a tug and I felt my pants slide down my thighs to sit around my knees.

"No!" I tried to scream at him through a throat of sandpaper, but he paid no attention. I watched as he pulled down his own pants to reveal his large erection. I was suddenly paralysed with fear at the thought of what he wanted to do. He stepped out of his pants and threw them to the floor before ripping mine from my legs completely and tossing them aside. Beneath his predatory stare I felt completely trapped.

He climbed back onto the bed to hover over me on his hands and knees, thick member glinting with the liquid leaking out of the tip. Disgusted, I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was anywhere but here.

I felt something warm and wet slide over my breast and latch onto my nipple; I opened my eyes in shock to see him sucking on my breast. I felt his tongue flick over me inside his mouth and a stab of pleasure ran through my body. I let out another small sob. His hand ran along the side of my body, over my waist and hip and down to grasp my thigh. Slowly, as he sucked on my nipple, I felt him run his hand along the inside of my thigh until he was brushing his hand between my legs.

I almost cried out; this was the first time I'd ever been touched _there_ and it was by him - by this cruel man who'd stripped me and ignored my protests.

He ran a finger along the slit between my legs and I cried out involuntarily. He raised his head from my chest.

"You're getting all wet for me, Kaya-chan." He murmured. I squeezed my eyes shut. The agony in my ribs was nothing now compared to the fear that was hammering through me, making my limbs feel like lead.

Again I felt his tongue on me, but this time lower, on my stomach. I bit my lip to keep from crying. He moved lower and lower again until all of a sudden he pushed my legs apart. I cried out and tried to force them back together.

He dug his thumbs into my thighs so hard I could feel it bruising. I didn't try to fight back again.

Leaning back down between my legs, still holding my thighs, he flicked out his tongue. I shivered as he ran it along me, pushing in until his face was buried between my legs. He flicked it over my clit and I cried out in a mix of fear and unwanted pleasure.

Working his tongue faster now, he flicked and swirled it over me, pulling involuntary moans from my throat. He groaned.

Suddenly, his tongue was gone. I felt something hard pressing at the entrance between my thighs. I sobbed in panic. Kabuto laughed. I knew what was about to happen even before it did.

He pushed forward harshly with his hips and slammed into me with full force. I screamed out in pain and tried to twist away from him. He grabbed my thighs with force and held me down as he pushed into me again and again. The sharp pain of it pushed every other thought from my mind - I only knew that I wished I were dead and buried, wished I'd never been born, wished I could be anywhere but here, in bed with this man.

Finally Kabuto gave a low groan and pushed his hips flush with mine one last time. I felt him come with a final grunt and tried to suppress the nausea it brought on. He pulled out of my and rolled over to lie half on top of me on the bed by my side. He gave a low chuckle.

"That wasn't so bad now was it Kaya-chan?" He was back to mocking me now. Suddenly the disgust I'd been feeling reached a peak, and I couldn't hold back any longer. I turned away from him and began to retch emptily, staring down at the floor. On the other side of me I felt his body shake with laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Just a short one today guys, sorry. I'll try to post more as soon as I've got through assignment week! And thank you so much again to all of you for reading, you guys are the best. xx**

When I came to again I was in a different room. This time I was strapped to a high-backed wooden chair. It took me a moment to realise I was naked, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to care. There was nothing more they could do to me.

When I looked up, it was straight into the evil orbs of Orochimaru's eyes. His expression was calculating. Perhaps he expected me to be scared, or angry, or distraught. But I felt only a bleak emptiness from my head to my heart. My ribs were throbbing excruciatingly, my head a pounding mess and my temple sticky with blood from where Kabuto had knocked me out before. I could feel the bruises on my throat every time I swallowed. I probably couldn't even talk, let alone try to fight my way out of here.

...

Kakashi strolled leisurely into the Hokage's office without knocking. Most people would find this rude, but over the years Kakashi and Tsunade had both accepted that he wasn't going to be knocking on the door anytime soon. These days, the most she ever gave in protest to this was a sigh as he made her way to her desk.

Today was one of those rare days when she did let out a sigh as he walked in. Kakashi gave a polite smile and a nod to Shizune before stepping up to the Fifth's desk to report in.

"Team Kakashi just returned. The mission was a success." He didn't feel the need to waste words, especially with the Hokage. He waited for her to dismiss him as she usually did once he had reported in; when she didn't reply straight away he glanced to her to see her propping up her head on her hands as she leaned her elbows on the desk. He flashed a confused glance at Shizune, who only returned her own look of concern.

"Ah... Tsunade-sama?" _It was rare that he used the suffix_, Shizune noted - _he must actually be a little worried_. As was she.

Tsunade raised her head from her hands reluctantly to look at the copy-nin standing before her.

"Oh. My apologies, Kakashi."

Kakashi started. _Had she really just apologised to him?_

"Is something wrong?" He asked. She sighed again.

"Not that I'm aware of yet." she murmured cryptically.

"What do you mean?" He pressed, feeling somehow that it was important to ask. Tsunade hesitated before replying.

"Kaya and her team made contact this morning and said they were returning home. I expected them hours ago, but they haven't returned yet." She explained. As she spoke, Kakashi felt a sense of unease begin to grown in him.

"I'm sure it's nothing." She continued. "Kaya is a reliable captain." She added, as if trying to convince him.

Any further discussion was interrupted by someone shouting from outside.

"Tsunade-sama!" Kakashi recognised the voice as Ino's, and stepped back as she came bursting into the room and hurried up to the Fifth's desk. Moments later, an unusually concerned looking Shikamaru also entered the office, closing the door behind him.

"Ino?" Tsunade glance from her frantic face to the frown on Shikamaru's as Ino tried to explain the situation through gasped breaths.

"- and she stayed on her own-"

Tsunade turned to Shikamaru and motioned for him to explain as Shizune led the girl to the side and sat her down.

"We were tracked on the way home-"

"By Amegakure?"

"No, no, by someone very skilled, with a very dark chakra-"

"Did you see them?"

"No, that's the thing, they got Kaya's shadow cl-"

"They took out her shadow clones?" This time it was Kakashi's turn to interrupt. He felt four pairs of eyes fix on him at his surprised outburst. Hurriedly, he composed his face and gestured to Shikamaru to continue.

"Yes. They were gaining on us, and Ino had the intel, so Kaya ordered us to keep going and she stayed behind to fight them. We ran, but we got worried when she didn't meet us on the way back to the village, so we backtracked to the place where we left her and.. And there was blood on the ground and her weapons pouch had been left behind, and we couldn't find any other trace of her."

Kakashi frowned as he took in Tsunade's shocked expression. _If the Hokage was surprised, the enemy must have been completely unexpected_, he realised.

A sharp knock on the door broke the group from the silence which had descended on the office. Before Tsunade could answer, the door opened to reveal Yamato, looking tired and slightly windswept, as if he had been running.

He gave a quick bow to Tsunade before entering the office and closing the door behind him.

"Hokage-sama, I have urgent information. When returning from my mission this afternoon, I heard fighting in the East forest. I went closer to investigate, and I got there in time to see who it was."

His face was grave.

"It was Orochimaru and Kabuto. They were carrying Kaya-san. I left my wood clone to follow them and came straight back here."

Ino and Shizune gasped. Kakashi clenched his fists, as did Tsunade.

"Orochimaru!" Tsunade growled, banging her fist on the desk. "If he has her, we need to act quickly. Shizune, I want you to fetch the following people!"

...


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: trigger warning: torture scene. Please be careful when reading this guys.**

**And a huge thank you to you wonderful people for reading! You're all making me feel so proud. xxx**

Kabuto drove the blade deeper into my thigh, digging into my muscle and twisting the kunai while it was still in my leg. I screamed through gritted teeth, begging my body not to betray me now, holding the scream inside with everything I had. Cold sweat ran between my bare shoulder blades and my face was streaked with tears I hadn't been able to hold in.

"I'll ask you again." Orochimaru's silky voice interrupted my heavy breathing. "Tell me about the new security measures and the disruption in ANBU's root division, and I will kill you quickly. The longer you put this off, the more... creative Kabuto will be."

"I'm not. In. ANBU." I panted. Orochimaru raised an eyebrow, and as if on a signal, Kabuto twisted the kunai again. Agony shot through my body in burning waves as I cried out in pain.

"I know you're not in ANBU, Kaya-chan." Orochimaru continued, as if the interruption hadn't occurred. "Don't take me for a fool. I know everything about you. You're seventeen, a jounin, orphaned, and most importantly, you're Tsunade's favourite recon specialist." I squeezed my eyes shut as he listed off facts about me as if he had come to know them with ease.

"And as Tsunade's _favourite_ recon specialist, I know that you know more about ANBU's inner workings than any of the other jounin. And I also know that under enough pain you will crack, and you will betray them. It's an inevitability."

I mustered up all of my strength and lifted my pounding head to meet his evil gaze. He smiled coldly as he took in the pain in my eyes and the trembling of my lips, but for a moment I ignored the agony. I fixed my stare on his and as resolutely as I could manage, I answered him.

"I will _never_ betray my comrades." I spat the words at him. "You'll have to kill me first." Spent from the effort of those six words, I let my head bow forwards again, forcing shallow breaths of air into my lungs.

Orochimaru didn't say a word. A moment later, another kunai appeared in Kabuto's hand, and he drove it into my other thigh. This time he dragged it along the length of my thigh muscle, and I felt the blood drip down my leg. I screeched in pain.

"I'll ask you again..." I heard, before it all faded to black.

...

"Shizune, I want you to fetch the following people:" Tsunade stood, facing her attendant and best friend. Shizune stared, wide eyed.

"Yuhi Kurenai and Sarutobi Asuma. Go as quickly as you can."

"H-Hai!" Shizune stammered, before rushing from the room. Tsunade turned back to the crowd in front of her, taking in the various states of her shinobi.

"Shikamaru, take Ino to the hospital and have someone calm her down before she goes into shock." She frowned in concern as she took in his wounded arm. "And have someone heal that up for you too." Shikamaru nodded gravely and moved to Ino's side, supporting her on his shoulder. As they left the office, Tsunade motioned Kakashi and Yamato closer.

"When Shizune returns I'll be sending her and Asuma with you both on a rescue mission." She explained. "Kurenai should know as well, but I won't send her with you. I need you all to be clear headed and efficient on this mission."

Kakashi and Yamato nodded simultaneously; years of ANBU training had drilled this concept into them both.

At that moment, Shizune reentered the office, followed by Asuma and a concerned-looking Kurenai. Tsunade motioned for them all to take a place in front of her desk. She took a deep breath and turned to Kurenai first, holding her gaze firmly.

"Kaya has been captured by Orochimaru."

At first, Kurenai only stared in disbelief. Tsunade returned her gaze, an uncharacteristic sympathy plain on her face. In the end it was Asuma who broke the silence. He put an arm around Kurenai's shoulders and pulled her close to him as she began to tremble. Kakashi blinked in surprise, as did the other jounin. Only Tsunade seemed unsurprised at their display of affection.

"Asuma, Kakashi, Yamato and Shizune," she resumed. "Your mission is to find Orochimaru's hideout and bring Kaya back. I don't believe it will be that simple, but those are your objectives. I'll leave it to your discretion to judge how to act upon finding the hideout. Let me make it clear that I want this to be a zero casualty mission. If you can avoid combat, do. Leave immediately!"

"Understood!" chorused the four jounin, eyes blazing with the determination of the mission. Tsunade stood and walked around from behind her desk. Nodding to Asuma, she extricated Kurenai from his arms and supported the young woman over to her own armchair.

"I'll look after her." She murmured to Asuma. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded, his face tense.

"Wait!" Kurenai called as he began to turn away and follow the rest of the jounin out of the office. He paused and looked back to her.

"Bring her back to me." Kurenai said softly. Asuma's face softened as he took her in.

"I will." He replied. Then he turned and followed Kakashi out the door.

As Kakashi left the room, he heard Kurenai murmur to Tsunade.

"I was going to tell her about the baby today..." she said, trailing off. Kakashi glanced quickly at Asuma, startled. _Kurenai's pregnant?_ He thought.

...

"Is she dead?"

"No, Orochimaru-sama. She just passed out from the pain."

A sigh.

"Well, wake her up then. I'm not done here."

A moment later, I heard a cracking sound and felt a stinging pain on my cheek. My eyes shot open in shock. Kabuto stood in front of me, hands resting on the sides of the wooden chair which I was still strapped to. He smirked.

"I believe she's awake now, Orochimaru-sama."

Orochimaru gave a silky chuckle which sent shivers right down to my bones.

"Shall we move on to some more interesting forms of questioning then, Kabuto?"

"Of course." Kabuto replied with a sly smile. "Should I break some of her bones?"

A jolt of fear stabbed through me when I realised what he meant to do. Orochimaru merely laughed again as Kabuto gathered green chakra in his right hand and drew back his fist.

Quick as a flash, he lashed out at my ribs. I heard an almighty crack and felt a strange moving sensation before suddenly my entire chest felt as if it was on fire. Pain like I'd never experienced before lanced through my ribs, searing unbearably. The pain was so bad I thought I would die.

I shrieked in agony, not bothering to muffle my screams this time. Just as quickly, I broke off - the scream had vibrated against my shattered ribcage.

I breathed in shallow pants as I tried to push down the pain and regain control of my body. White hot whips of pain hit me in waves as I struggled to maintain consciousness.

"Agghh..." I moaned.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks so much for your patience, and for reviewing! You're all so lovely. This chapter has graphic torture scenes, as well as some references to rape, so please, please read at your own discretion.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters. I don't make any money from this, nor do I ever intend to. I write because I love it!**

_"Kakashi-sensei." her voice was small and clear. He turned away from the monument to see Kaya standing a few feet away from him. She gave a small bow and when she straightened up again, he noticed her straight black hair, which was usually tied back, was out and fell to her waist. It rippled gently in the wind. Her strange red eyes were wide on her pale face as she took in his drawn expression. He tried to give her a reassuring smile. _

_"What did you need?" He asked politely. She hesitated. "Are you okay?" he pressed gently._

_"I-" She stopped again, clearly torn. That was when he really took in her appearance - the dark circles under her eyes. She looked like she'd lost a little weight too (not that he was looking at the body of his sixteen year old ex-student) Kakashi reminded himself. _

_"Is everything okay?" he asked again. She shook her head slowly. On instinct, he took a couple of steps closer to her. She bit her lip nervously before finally opening her mouth to speak_

_"I'm a jounin now." she murmured. Kakashi grinned._

_"Well, congratulations!" he said, genuinely proud of his old subordinate. Kaya shook her head._

_"Tsunade is making me a captain." She explained, her eyes on the ground. "She's putting other shinobi's lives in my hands. What if I make a mistake?" Her eyes finally found his and he saw the worry in them. He took another step towards her and put a hand on her shoulder._

_"Don't be scared." He said reassuringly. "You'll be a great captain. Tsunade wouldn't have promoted you if she didn't think you could handle it. Besides, with a jounin like me training you, you'll only get better." He continued with mock conceit. It worked - she gave a small laugh, and the worry left her eyes. _

_"Wait," she said. "I thought you weren't my sensei anymore since Naruto left?" He smiled._

_"I'm not your sensei anymore, no. But if you need someone to train with, I'll train with you. I'm sure there are still a few tricks I can teach you."_

_Kaya broke into a radiant smile at his offer._

_"Thank you."_

_..._

"Agghh..." I moaned.

Cool hands appeared on my left arm, deftly removing the bindings which held it in place. I didn't have to look up to know that it was Kabuto. I didn't have the energy to look up.

He took my forearm in his hands and leaned close to me, whispering in my ear.

"If you don't tell Orochimaru-sama what he wants to know, I will snap your fucking arm." I felt my body begin to shake, but my mind drifted. I felt as if I was watching the scene take place from outside my body, standing to the side of the wooden chair. I looked down and gasped. Sitting in the chair was a girl I vaguely recognized as myself - covered in blood and bruises. My entire torso was covered in cuts, a kunai lodged into each thigh.

I watched from my detached position as Kabuto gripped my forearm until a crack rang through the room, and he snapped the bone.

The pain pulled me back into my body and I screeched in agony.

"No!" I screamed, voice tinged with desperation and pain.

A heavy silence descended on my ears and my vision began to go black. As I lost consciousness once again, I heard a sigh.

"She'll probably die soon." Kabuto relayed in a bored voice. Then everything faded away.

...

Yamato led the platoon at a run through the forest in darkness, following the senses of his wood clone. The four jounin were silent, each wrapped up in their own thoughts of the mission.

It was Shizune who broke the silence first.

"Is it wise to travel at night?" She asked, her voice seemingly loud in contrast to the dead silence that had preceded it. Yamato slowed their pace slightly to reply.

"We don't have another option." He explained. "We're getting closer, my wood clone is waiting near the hideout. We could stop, but we don't know if Kaya's life is in immediate danger. If we slow down, it could be too late to save her." Kakashi opened his mouth to agree, but to his surprise, Asuma beat him to it.

"We have a better chance of taking them by surprise in the dark too. And... I promised Kurenai I'd bring her back. We can't afford to wait if it means letting her die."

With that said, the group hastened their pace towards Orochimaru's hideout.

...

I awoke to find myself back in the bed I'd first been left in. The pain in my body was unfathomable. I didn't try to move. The room was almost completely dark; even the lamp was dimmed. In the back of my mind I knew something was wrong with this picture, but my head was too foggy to make it out.

I felt a hand snake over my chest to rest on my breast. I gave an involuntary shudder and felt Kabuto shake with laughter on the bed beside me.

"No..." I wheezed through cracked lips and an aching throat.

"Orochimaru is sleeping, so I thought we could find a way to pass the hours. I healed you up just enough that you won't die while I have you. Aren't you lucky, Kaya-chan?" he taunted. I ignored him.

"No one's coming to help you, you know." He added slowly, letting the words sink in. "They won't come to save an outsider. You're not even a real Konoha shinobi, you know that? They just had to put you somewhere, to get you out of the Mist. They're probably sitting around, _relieved_ that someone got rid of the genjutsu-using nuisance."

I felt tears trickle down my bruised face as his words wormed their way into my mind like poison. He seemed to be satisfied with my response and went back to playing with my nipple; I felt his erection rub against the side of my body. This time though, I didn't have the mental strength to protest. I could feel the last vestiges of determination struggling to remain. _No one will come to save an outsider._ The words kept ringing around my head, even as Kabuto dug his thumbs into my inner thighs again to push my legs apart.

As he positioned himself between my legs and began to move in me, I felt the same stinging pain as before, but I no longer cared. _No one will come to save an outsider._

A few minutes later, Kabuto collapsed on top of me, spent. The agony of his weight on my chest and the knife wounds in my thighs should have made me scream, but I barely registered it. My mind felt strangely blank; numb, as if detached from the pain in my body. Dimly, I registered that Kabuto was laughing again.

I pulled my attention back to earth and focussed in on what he was saying.

"Maybe I won't let you die just yet." He chuckled. His eyes roamed my abused body freely. "You definitely have your uses."

...

Kakashi was jerked from his thoughts as Yamato raised a hand to call the group to a halt. He indicated through the trees, to a clearing where an innocent-looking pile of rocks formed a mound.

His wood clone appeared silently from the tree behind him, and Yamato held out his hand. The clone joined hands with him and seemed to melt into his body until he disappeared completely.

Yamato turned to the group.

"Those rocks form the entrance to his hideout." He murmured lowly. "It's mostly underground. Kakashi, any ideas?"

Kakashi scanned the pile of rocks and the area of the clearing. He nodded thoughtfully, his thoughts coming together to form a plan.

"I need five minutes." He informed the others. They nodded and took a few steps back; Kakashi was known for his intelligence and strategic planning. He turned back to the clearing and narrowed his eyes as he planned out the possibilities for retrieving Kaya. _We don't want to engage the enemy,_ he thought, _which means we'll have to rescue her by stealth. _

Kakashi turned to the other jounin and beckoned the closer. In a low voice, he explained his plan. One by one, his comrades' eyes lit up in understanding.

...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Important please read: This chapter marks the end of the 'captured' arc** **of the story and the beginning of the romance between Kaya and Kakashi. And thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate feedback! xx**

"Mask your chakra completely." Kakashi instructed. "This whole plan is hinged on them never even noticing we're here." One by one he felt his sense of his comrades' chakra die out until he felt as if he could be standing with a group of civilians - or no one at all.

"Okay," he continued, "This isn't foolproof - they could find us, in which case we have to be prepared to fight. But considering there aren't any extra protective measures up that I can sense, I don't think they are expecting company."

He paused and considered his next choice carefully.

"Shizune and Asuma will stay outside. We don't want our only medical ninja at risk of harm, and Asuma isn't trained for stealth like Yamato and I are." He hesitated. "Chances are they took Kaya for a reason - probably because they know she is a recon specialist. Which means she could have been tortured for information. That's why we need Shizune here, to heal her if she is injured at all. When we get back out, keep your chakra masked; we're going to have to run for it."

He frowned. The other jounin felt the same as he did. No one wanted to run away from a fight, but under these circumstances they didn't have another option.

"When we're far enough away, we'll stop and take care of any injuries. Understood so far?" The other three nodded.

"Good. As soon as Yamato and I are inside, I'll try to sense Kaya's chakra. I've been training with her for years, so I should be able to find her quite easily. The problem will be freeing her without anyone noticing she's missing, but that can't be helped. If we're fast enough, we can be far enough away that they won't risk a fight. That's if the plan goes ideally."

Kakashi's face became more grave, his sharingan glowing faintly in the darkness.

"If she's being interrogated when we find her, we're going to have to wait until they leave her alone for a moment to rescue her, unless her life is in imminent danger." He shifted uncomfortably. "No matter what, try to avoid a confrontation. Are we all clear?"

"Yes." came the quick replies of the jounin, their faces determined.

Kakashi nodded and turned to Yamato.

"Let's go." He said shortly.

...

I lay on my back beside Kabuto, shivering. A creeping coldness had seeped into my bones in the past hour and every tremor of my body caused the pain from my injuries to rise up and engulf me. I was so overwhelmed by the pain and the cold that I barely noticed Kabuto stand and make his way to the door. At the doorway, he turned to me.

"You're cold because your body is struggling to keep living." He stated flatly. I tried to find the energy to care, but I couldn't. Death would be welcome if it meant the agony would stop.

"You know why you're here, don't you?" Kabuto asked rhetorically.

"You're here because there's going to be a war one day, and we want to know what you know. We're sending a message to Tsunade as well; that we can take one of her jounin and there's nothing she can do about it; that we're still powerful. Orochimaru-sama is going to rule the world one day. You can't stop him. If you want to be able to die quickly, you should just tell him what you know." He smirked.

It took every ounce of strength in my body to speak my next words.

"I won't betray m-my comrades." I whispered, unable to raise my voice. Kabuto frowned angrily and turned on his heel.

"I'll be back with Orochimaru-sama." He called over his shoulder. "And I _will _torture it out of you."

He didn't bother closing the door. I guess he knew I couldn't move.

...

Kakashi clenched his fists and gritted his teeth as he watched Kabuto's silhouette from the shadows.

"I'll be back with Orochimaru-sama. And I _will _torture it out of you."

The cruelty in his voice as he spoke to her - Kakashi had to hold himself back from killing Kabuto right then and there. Yamato's warning hand on his arm helped him to control himself and he tried to let some of the tension settle from his shoulders. He waited until Kabuto's footsteps had faded and the man had turned a corner before indicating to Yamato to move forward.

In silence, they slipped into the room he had left open and scanned it quickly. At first he didn't recognize the battered girl in front of him. It was her long black hair which identified her to him despite the blood covering most of her body. Kaya was lying on a low bed against the wall. Her eyelids were fluttering shut and she was shivering despite the warmth of the room. They couldn't afford to waste a second; he barely had time to register her injuries before he scooped her gently into his arms and made for the door again.

"Wait." whispered Yamato. He pulled the threadbare blanket from the bed and draped it over the girl lying limply in Kakashi's arms. Kakashi stared at his comrade in shock. The show of gentleness was so unlike him.

Before he could ponder Yamato's actions for too long, they were on the move again, racing as fast as they could back down the winding corridors and towards the exit. Kakashi tightened his grip on Kaya as she groaned softly.

It seemed like an eternity before they were back at the entrance and running up the stairs to the top. They broke away from the hideout into the cool night air without meeting anyone, and Kakashi let a small portion of relief break over him. So far, so good. He couldn't let himself look down at the girl in his arms, couldn't let himself check her injuries. All that mattered right now was getting as far away as possible.

Shizune and Asuma met them as they reentered the cover of the forest, both of them scanning behind Yamato and Kakashi for signs of pursuit. Satisfied with their evaluation, they broke into a run alongside Kakashi. He cradled Kaya in his arms, trying to run as smoothly as possible so as not to jostle her. At one point his chest bumped against her arm, and she gave a whimper of pain. Other than that she stayed silent, her eyes opening only to gaze for a moment without truly seeing, before they fluttered closed again.

They put twenty minutes of hard running between them and the hideout before Shizune finally broke the silence.

"Kakashi." she said softly. He turned his head to look at her while they ran.

"I need to examine her." she indicated the girl in his arms.

"I know." he said. "I don't think we're being followed at all. As soon as we find a place to stop, I'll loop back and check." Shizune nodded.

...

"We'll stop here." Kakashi murmured as they reached a small stream. Its banks were grassy and it was protected from sight by the dense trees from either side. The group slowed to a walk and Kakashi scanned around for a secure place to lay Kaya down. He picked a flat area on the grass and crouched to the ground. As gently as he could he lay her down, careful to keep the blanket covering her.

As he began to stand, he heard the slightest whisper from Kaya.

"Ka...kashi." she breathed. He froze.

Her eyes were half open and unfocussed, but she was looking at him. He crouched back down beside her.

"I'm here." he said. At the sound of his voice her eyes closed again and some of the tension seemed to leave her.

"I'll loop back and check for pursuit." Asuma offered, his deep, familiar voice bringing Kakashi back to the group. "You stay here with her."

"Kakashi, I need to examine her now." Said Shizune, resting her hand on his shoulder. "You and Yamato stand guard for me till Asuma gets back." Kakashi nodded and stood, turning away with Yamato to protect the two behind him.

...


	9. Chapter 9

Shizune kneeled down beside Kaya where Kakashi had been only moments before. She peeled the blanket from her limp form and moved it to the side, then turned back to take stock of her injuries.

"Kakashi," she called, "do you have a torch on you? I can't see well enough."

He moved to her side immediately and handed her his torch, careful not to look at Kaya's naked form.

"Thank you." he nodded and moved away again.

Shizune turned back to the girl in front of her and shone the torch over her body.

She gasped. She'd known Kaya was hurt the moment she saw Kakashi carrying her from the rocks, but she'd never imagined it would be to this extent. Two identical wounds in her thighs were gaping open to reveal bloodied and torn muscle. Her left forearm was bent at a strange angle, obviously broken clean in half. Her entire torso was black with bruises and dried blood which had formed over the deep gashes littering her body. More large knife wounds covered her arms and a deep bruise on her collarbone was turning blue and black before Shizune's eyes. One side of Kaya's face bore the mark of a handprint. Her throat and neck was bruised around her windpipe, as if someone had choked her. When Shizune moved to her thighs to check the damage from the knife wounds, she noticed bruises in the shape of thumbprints on the girl's inner thighs.

Worst of all was the shuddering breaths the girl was taking, faint as they were. Shizune placed her hands over Kaya's ribcage to try to get a better idea of what was hindering her breathing. Green chakra spread from her hands to assess the damage. Shizune gasped again angrily. Kaya's ribcage had been shattered - she had six broken ribs and countless fractures spanned the others. One broken rib was pressing dangerously close to her lung; if she moved on her own, she risked tearing a hole in her lung. Shizune had to restrain her somehow to begin healing, or the girl could convulse and push the rib closer.

To her surprise, Kakashi was already at her side before she could even call him over. He didn't say a word but seemed to know what she meant to do.

"Her ribcage is shattered." She explained. "I need to heal her ribs enough that she doesn't puncture a lung." Kakashi remained silent, and she glanced at him in consternation. His brow was furrowed, his eyes blazing in silent anger is he took in the extensive torture which Kaya had obviously gone through. Shizune felt the power of his fury radiating off him.

He took Kaya's wrists in his hands. She gave a whimper of pain at his touch and he quickly glanced to Shizune.

"Her arm is broken." she explained sadly. "I can only heal her ribs right now - she needs a full medical team for the other injuries. Please just try to hold her still." Kakashi nodded, eyes downcast.

Once again, Shizune turned to Kaya, placing her hands on the girl's ribcage. Glowing green chakra spread from her hands and into Kaya's stomach and chest, slowly beginning to move her broken ribs back together.

Kaya cried out as Shizune felt her rib move away from the lung and begin to rejoin with its other half. _Almost there..._ She thought as she gave a last push of her chakra; the rib which had posed a threat to her lungs was back in place, a quick healing job which had at least stabilised her condition. Shizune breathed a sigh of relief and sat back on her feet, breathing heavily from the strain of using so much medical chakra at once.

"She's not in danger of puncturing a lung anymore, and I tried to heal as many of the broken ribs as I could, but we need to get back to Konoha as fast as we can. She's lost so much blood."

At that moment, Asuma reentered the clearing silently. He gave a quick nod to Yamato and gestured to him to follow as he made his way over to Kakashi and Shizune.

"I don't know why, but we're not being followed." He reassured them. "We're in the clear."

"Still, we should get moving again." Yamato said in a low voice. "They may have some kind of plan which we're not aware of."

Kakashi and Shizune hummed in agreement. Glancing down at the girl lying between them, Asuma's face softened for a moment.

"Is she going to be okay?" He asked, a note of concern in his voice. Shizune hesitated.

"She's not in a life-or-death state right now, but I wouldn't say she's in a stable condition exactly. I need to get her back to Tsunade-sama; she's the only medic skilled enough to heal her in this state." She chewed her lip nervously before continuing.

"If we don't get her to the hospital soon, the blood loss could kill her."

At that moment, Kaya stirred on the ground. Immediately four pairs of eyes were upon her. Her eyes flickered open and she gazed weakly at the jounin around her. She couldn't seem to comprehend where she was or even - Shizune realised with a sinking heart - who they were.

"Kaya." Shizune said softly, trying to make her voice as calm as possible. "You're going to be alright. Don't try to move, okay?"

The girl cast her eyes around the circle in confusion. Her gaze settled on Kakashi and a spark of recognition lit them. Ignoring Shizune's earlier instructions, she tried to sit up. She got on inch off the ground before she elicited a sharp cry of pain and fell back.

"Don't move, Kaya!" Kakashi voiced in frustration.

"Sorry." she murmured softly, her voice hoarse from the bruising to her windpipe.

All at once, her eyes widened in shock and terror. A gasp tore from her lips as she began to breathe rapidly, on the brink of hyperventilating. Her whole body began to shake.

Kakashi moved to grasp her shoulders immediately, holding her gently but firmly as she shuddered in fear. Shizune moved straight into action, turning to the two jounin standing beside them and gesturing to them to move away.

"She's having a panic attack." She explained quickly, before turning back to the shaking girl beside her.

"Breathe Kaya, breathe, it's okay." she tried to calm her down. Kaya shook her head frantically, wincing in pain as she did so.

"It's not, it's not okay, I need to tell Tsunade-sama!"

"We're going back to Tsunade now alright? She can heal you, you'll be fine. Just breathe, we're going to the Hokage." Shizune quickly pulled a sedative from her medical pouch. Before the girl could protest, she injected her with the full syringe of sedative. Slowly, Kaya's eyes lost their panic as she drifted out of consciousness.

...


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thankyou so much to everyone who has reviewed so far! I really appreciate reviews if you have a spare moment, I'm always trying to improve my writing. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

...

"It came on so fast... Didn't expect it to... Why did she panic all at once?" The man's voice drifted in and out of my consciousness as I slowly began to wake. I kept my eyes closed so as not to alert him and instead concentrated on the conversation happening around me. I was being carried by someone warm and strong, but every time I tried to remember where I was with any clarity a deep fog of tiredness swept over my mind again. My body felt heavy, tinged with a dull and distant pain which I instinctively knew I didn't want to feel.

Battling back the feelings of lethargy, I grasped onto the only coherent thought I could form. _Kakashi._ The voice which had woke me was Kakashi's, and it must be him carrying me.

My thoughts were interrupted by the reply which came from my right. _That's Shizune..._ I realised as the woman began to speak.

"It seemed as if when she woke she didn't know what had happened." She sighed. "I believe that she suddenly remembered where she was and why she was there, and it was too much to handle all at once. That's why she began to hyperventilate."

I felt rather than heard Kakashi hum in agreement as his chest vibrated against me. My thoughts, however, were still caught on what Shizune had said. As I pondered her words, memories began to trickle in - a phantom feeling of pain in my chest, the image of Orochimaru leaning over me, a dim underground room... And suddenly, the memories all rushed in at once. My eyes snapped open in shock and horror.

With striking clarity I recalled everything that had happened to bring me to this point, and, as if on cue, the pain in my body was released from the numbness of the sedative and hit me as well.

I couldn't control it - I cried out as spasms of pain gripped my body. I barely noticed when Kakashi stopped running, nor could I understand what he was saying (or even who he was talking to).

I gritted my teeth against the pain and cut my cry short. I was a shinobi of Konoha and I would handle this pain, I would have to. Forcing short breaths, I slowly began to push chakra through my system, forcing it to collect at the points where I felt most pain and alleviate some of the agony.

It was a trick I'd learnt after becoming a jounin, when Kurenai had taken it upon herself to train me in the basics of pain control.

Slowly, the pain subsided a little, just enough for me to be able to see and hear again.

"Shizune." I groaned through gritted teeth. Her eyes were wide with shock as I spoke, and I realised that I was on the ground once more, and that she was holding another sedative at the ready. I shook my head as best I could without jarring my body further and took a shuddering breath before continuing.

"Shizune," I repeated, "I need to see Tsunade-sama."

"Please don't try to speak." She demanded, a note of concern in her voice. I hated ignoring the woman I respected so much, but I had to tell her what had to happen.

"Tsunade-sama." I stressed, barely hiding my wince of pain as my body screamed with the effort of staying conscious.

Shizune moved as if to sedate me again, and with my final burst of energy I lifted my right hand and clasped hers, stopping it only inches from my body. Another second and the needle would have sent me back to sleep.

The movement sent a searing pain along my arm and down my spine, causing me to wince again and grit my teeth.

"P-please." I begged. "Tsunade-sama and... Inoichi-sama."

"Inoichi?" This time it was Kakashi's voice which interrupted my plea. I tried to nod but only ended up coughing and gasping. When the episode had passed, I took a deep breath and tried to speak again.

"Inoichi-sama... He needs to find out if I said anything... Don't remember parts of being there, it's blank. He needs to make sure I didn't betray you." My voice broke with a sob as I finished the sentence, though I'd tried to hold my composure.

When I looked to Kakashi, his eyes were blazing with anger, his sharingan a deeper shade of red than usual. I felt fear curl around my lungs. It must have been apparent in my eyes because the next thing I knew, Asuma was resting his hand on Kakashi's shoulder.

"You're scaring her." he murmured.

Kakashi shook his head and ignored Asuma's warnings, looking me straight in the eyes.

"I don't want to hear you talk like that again." he practically growled. "You didn't betray us. I heard _him_ in there trying to get you to talk. You didn't say a word, Kaya, you didn't break in there."

An overwhelming sense of relief crashed over me, drowning out the fear and pain which was slowly encroaching on my consciousness. I could finally let my eyes close as I gave in to the darkness of unconsciousness. _You didn't say a word._ His voice echoed around my head and I finally drifted off.

...

_Kakashi stood beneath the hot water of the shower amidst the steam which was slowly filling his bathroom and turning the mirror opaque and blurry. He rubbed a hand over his jaw wearily. Was there something wrong with him? He asked himself in frustration._

_They'd been training today, working on their strength by doing one of his favourite exercises - climbing up a cliff face using only one arm, with the other tied behind their back. It had been hard work, yet as he'd climbed higher, her tight vest had stuck to her taut, muscled body and he hadn't been able to control his eyes as they explored the inwards curve of her waist and the fullness of her breasts. He'd been angry at himself, silently berating himself for looking at the girl in that way._

_But she's not a girl anymore! He thought, leaning his head back under the spray of the shower as he massaged shampoo into his silver locks. She was a year off being an adult, and in the ninja world, ten years off being a child. _

_Kakashi sighed again as he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. In his heart, he knew she deserved better than him._

...


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: For the next arc of this story, Mizuki will be introduced. It's important to know that in the context of this story, I'm assuming that he DID attack Naruto when he was a kid (Naruto EP1) but that he never escaped from the prison later in the series. Therefore, the Orochimaru association hasn't been made by the characters yet, and it's plausible that he'd be released from the prison after "changing his ways".**

**Thank you for your reviews, please keep reviewing! xxxx **

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The first thing I noticed as I woke was the beeping of hospital machines by my ear. The second, as I opened my eyes to a blurry white world, was that the pain in my body had dulled and faded. The third, as I turned my head to look around me, was that I was alone - but the door to the hospital room was slightly ajar, and through it I could hear people talking in tense, lowered voices.

"She'll survive her injuries, as long as we keep healing her over the next few days." Tsunade-sama's voice drifted to my bed. I kept my breathing regular so as not to alert them that I was awake, and listened harder.

"The torture was extensive." Shizune sounded tired.

"What exactly did she go through?" My heart tightened as I heard his voice, tense and angry.

Tsunade sighed.

"I don't think we can truly know everything that happened in there unless she tells us. I don't think we need to ask Inoichi to find out; as you said earlier, Kakashi, she didn't crack under interrogation. And it seems that they put her through enough pain for even a seasoned shinobi to crack. We owe a lot to Kaya."

"How soon until we can check for pregnancy?" Shizune's usually calm voice trembled as she asked the question. My heart turned to ice and my breath caught in my throat.

"I've already checked. She's not pregnant, thank God." Tsunade replied with a sigh.

There was a tense pause; I could almost hear Kakashi's anger rising again.

"Pregnancy?" his voice sounded so strained, I noted worriedly. Silence reigned for another moment before Shizune replied.

"When I was examining her I found bruises on her inner thighs." She explained quietly, sadly. "I did a quick check and it seems she was... Well it seems she was raped while she was there. There wasn't any internal damage and if she's not pregnant, that's another worry gone, but..." she trailed off into silence.

From outside the room I heard a _crash_ and the clatter of a medical cart being pushed over. If I hadn't known what he was angry about, I might have smiled at Kakashi's reaction. This time, though, I just closed my eyes and tried to send myself back into the oblivion of sleep.

...

The second time I opened my eyes, Kakashi was asleep in the chair beside my bed. With his eyes closed he looked almost peaceful, and younger somehow. He was slumped to the side with arm trailing over the side of the chair and close to mine. As I scanned his sleeping face, I felt a warmth spread through my chest.

I stretched out my hand and lightly, ever so lightly, traced the back of his hand. It felt right somehow, in a way that nothing else had since I'd been captured. I shuddered at the memory and pulled my hand away from his to rub my chest absently.

Kakashi cleared his throat quietly. I turned to him anxiously, scanning his face for any hint of anger towards me or disgust that I'd allowed myself to be captured. A long moment passed as I took in the relief apparent on his face and the concern lingering in his eyes. I pushed myself into a sitting position as best I could, and managed to lean against the headboard of the hospital bed despite the dull pain which warned me back. I tried not to wince.

"You're awake." he stated quietly. I nodded, unable to speak. I felt as if the moment I opened my mouth I would begin to cry, and I couldn't allow that to happen. I had to be strong.

He forced a smile, a fake smile I recognised from years of watching him put on a polite persona so he wouldn't have to get close to people. My heart began to hurt as I watched him put in so much effort for me.

"Kakashi." My throat was sore and my voice too quiet. "Thank you. I don't know if I can ever say or do anything to thank you enough."

His smile faded as he stared at me.

"You're thanking me?" I frowned in confusion.

"You're thanking _me?_" He repeated. I looked down sadly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Suddenly he gripped my hand in his own, the warmth of his skin radiating into mine. I looked up, startled. His eye was focused on mine, forcing me to look up.

"Thank you for protecting the village." He said simply. I blinked. Without another word he stood up and walked to the sliding door which led into the hospital hallway. I stared at him in confusion. He turned back to me at the door and gave me a small smile as he slid it open.

"You have another visitor." he explained, sliding the door back fully to reveal Kurenai. Her eyes were wide as she moved quickly to my side, pulling me into a tight hug. Behind her, I heard Kakashi leave, closing the door behind him. For all his avoidance of social situations, he knew when to leave without drawing attention to the fact. I felt a rush of gratitude towards him and his subtlety.

Ignoring the slight pain in my body, I tightened my arms around Kurenai, breathing in the reassuring smell of my guardian's shampoo.

"I was so worried." She spoke into my hair.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered back. She shook her head and began to stroke my hair.

...

I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling as the sky grew dark outside. Through the window on my right I could see the sun sinking below the forest, the day turning to dusk. In the distance I could see the commercial part of Konoha beginning to come alive, the night lights flickering on. Konoha was its usual bright and bustling self; I felt like only I had changed in the last few days.

Tsunade-sama had come by earlier to send Kurenai home and to check my healing process.

"Most of your injuries are healing rapidly." She'd smiled reassuringly. "Your arm is fully healed, as are most of the cuts and bruises. The knife wounds on your legs will take a couple more days, however, so I can't send you home yet."

Then her smile had faded, her eyes scanning mine.

"The things that happened to you in there..." At this point I'd withdrawn into myself, blocking out the sound of her voice and focussing instead on appearing to be calm, taking regular breaths.

"...and you're not pregnant." Her voice had faded back in and I realised I had to reply in some way.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." I'd whispered politely. She'd left soon after.

I was woken from my reverie by a light knock on the door.

"Come in." I called, my voice cracking from disuse. I cleared my throat instinctively.

The door slid open partly to reveal Umino Iruka, his tanned and friendly face bearing its trademark smile. His brown eyes crinkled gently as he saw that I was awake.

"Kaya-san!" He called happily. His smile was slightly infectious, and I gave a small one in return, trying to screen the sadness from my eyes.

"I hope you don't mind," he continued. "I've brought an old friend with me as we're on the way to see the Hokage. Kaya-san, this is Mizuki-san."

He rolled the door all the way back and stepped into the room. He was followed by a man in civilian clothes, with shoulder length white hair. The man gave me a guarded smile as he followed Iruka in, closing the door behind him.

"Ah... Mizuki has been away for some time, but the Hokage has recently summoned him from the-"

"Iruka." The man cut him off. "I don't think Kaya-san wants to be bored by my life story while she's still recovering."

I looked over the man again, studying him closely. His face was well defined, his body muscular and tall. His expression was closely guarded; I wondered why he was so closed off.

"Ah... Right. Anyway, we should be off!" Iruka resumed with a smile. "I'm glad to see you're home, Kaya. I was worried." This time I gave a genuine smile to my friend as he left the room.

"Thank you for stopping by." I replied. He waved it off with a shake of his head.

"And uh... It's nice to meet you, Mizuki-san." I added slowly. The man simply gave me another nod as he exited the room, closing the door behind him.

Long after they were gone, I pondered the strange feeling Mizuki had given me. Unsettling. _But,_ I added in my head, _he's also the first person since I got back who hasn't looked at me like I'm broken._

...


	12. Chapter 12

"Kaya-chan!" I was woken from a light sleep by the sound of the hospital door being pushed open, and the cheerful call of Naruto's voice. I opened my eyes and sat up, combing my hands through my hair as I looked around.

Naruto was the first to bounce into my room, looking well-rested as ever. He immediately claimed the chair to my left, grinning at me. Behind him entered Sakura, Tenten and Hinata, who were leading a worried-looking Ino by the hand. They crowded around Naruto's chair as well, effectively filling half the room. To my surprise, Shikamaru and Neji followed the girls into the room, taking positions on the other side of my bed, at a slightly more respectful distance. I gave a genuine smile to see my friends coming to visit me, despite it being only early morning. I guess I could blame Naruto for that one.

"What are you guys all doing here?" I asked. Naruto gave a warm laugh, which caused the others to smile too. Even Ino looked a little less concerned, though I did wonder about her drawn expression. I gave her a small smile, and she seemed to relax a little.

"We're here to see you, of course!" Naruto exclaimed.

"At seven in the morning? You must have missed me." I joked weakly. Naruto laughed; even Neji gave a quiet chuckle.

My humour seemed to be lost on the female counterparts of the group, however. Sakura and Hinata glanced worriedly at Ino, who looked like she was going to cry. Tenten looked angry.

"Hey." I spoke quietly. "Ino, are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry for leaving you!" She burst out quickly. I sighed and shook my head.

"Ino, I _told_ you to leave me. What matters is that you guys are safe, and that we completed the mission. It worked out okay, didn't it? Don't be sad." I leaned forward and squeezed her hand. She still seemed conflicted, but I gave her another smile and eventually her face lost its concerned look and settled into a more characteristic smile.

The morning progressed with Naruto excitedly trying to organise for us all to go to Ichiraku and Sakura reminding him (more than once) that I couldn't leave the hospital.

At one point Naruto brushed hands with Hinata, and I smiled inwardly as she blushed. Sakura noticed, too, and we exchanged a happy glance. It seemed some things had changed while I'd been gone.

It was almost 10am by the time Neji ushered the group out of the room.

"Kaya is probably tired. Let's give her some space." He stated calmly, flashing me a small smile. I returned it gratefully; I'd always respected Neji for his patient way of handling things.

But when I was alone once again, I felt a strange sense of loneliness settle over me. I was sick of lying in a hospital bed; I felt like I'd been here for years, though it had only been a day or so. What I needed was to walk around again. I felt a strange craving for the training ground in the Eastern forest, which Kakashi and I regularly used to work on taijutsu.

It was a reckless thought, but I so badly wanted to be amongst the trees in the forest once again. My body was still too weak to train, I knew that, but more than anything I wanted to be away from this sterile environment of bright white lights and medical strength bleach. I sighed. I wasn't even sure I could walk on my own yet, let alone get all the way across the village to the training grounds.

I spent the next hour or so focussing on the flow of chakra through my body. I breathed in deeply and regularly and focussed on maintaining a calm flow through my system, simultaneously checking for any disturbances in my chakra. At one point, as I was lying there in the place between sleep and consciousness, my thoughts drifted to Kakashi. I missed him; I missed the steady reassurance of his gaze and his patient smile.

"Can I come in?" My head snapped round to face the door in surprise. I hadn't even sensed Iruka's chakra, I'd been so lost in thought.

"Oh, Iruka. Come in." I tried to smile.

He grinned in reply and moved from the threshold to the chair by my bed, which Naruto had so recently occupied. I was only partly surprised when Mizuki followed him in, leaning against the far wall so that I was directly facing him.

"How is everything at the academy?" I asked.

"Well, the children are rowdy as always, but they're improving! I'm getting them ready for their graduating exams at the moment."

Iruka gave a sheepish smile as he remembered the man behind him.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce you again. Kaya, you remember Mizuki-san? You met yesterday, but you seemed a bit dazed at the time." I nodded.

"I remember." I tried to make my voice light, but it came out sounding too sad, and quiet. Iruka noticed, and his eyes filled with concern.

"How are you holding up, Kaya?" He asked. I gave him my best attempt at a smile.

"I'm healing well, according to the Hokage. I'll hopefully be released in a couple of days, and then I can get straight back into training to make up for lost time." I hadn't realised I was rambling until I stopped talking. From the corner of my eye, I saw Mizuki smirk. I turned to look at him.

"From what I've heard, I didn't think someone like you would miss any time getting back to training." He raised an eyebrow at me. "I assumed you'd be straight into it."

I felt a prickle of indignation, but kept my face smooth and calm.

"As soon as I've healed enough, I'll begin again." I said quietly.

"We'd best be off." Iruka sounded irritated, which was strange for the usually mild mannered teacher. "Let's go, Mizuki."

As he reached the threshold of the door again, he turned back to me. His eyes softened.

"Rest well, Kaya."

...

_"You will tell me..." Orochimaru's pale face warped and twisted in front of me, his body stretching to become that of a white snake, his eyes glowing yellow, brighter and brighter and becoming reflective. His face continued to warp and suddenly it was Kabuto leaning over me, and he stared at me with those hungry eyes, and all around me resonated:_

_"You certainly have your uses..."_

I woke with a cry, jolting upwards in the hospital bed. I could barely breathe - the horrifying images from the nightmare were imprinted into the back of my eyelids. I was afraid to close them, terrified of falling asleep once more and back into the dream.

In the darkness of the room, I could vaguely make out the clock at my bedside. It displayed '12.45am' in small glowing digits.

I forced air into my lungs, using a supreme amount of effort to steady my breathing. I leaned forward slightly and rested my hands on my thighs. Slowly, my breathing began to normalize and the adrenaline pounding through my veins began to dissipate.

"Just a dream." I murmured breathily to myself. Hearing my own voice helped a little, and I felt my heart rate begin to slow. It was then that the sounds of the hospital room came into focus, and I realised the heart rate monitors had been beeping frantically for several minutes.

"_Shit."_ I whispered, training my ears on any sound outside the room. From down the corridor I could hear two nurses walking briskly towards my room. I quickly analysed the situation: if they found me shaking and hyperventilating, I had no doubt that they would bring Tsunade-sama to see me, as she was personally overseeing my recovery. I didn't know how I would explain this to her; I was too frantic to talk, and the last thing I needed was to be kept in the hospital for longer than necessary.

I wasn't thinking straight as I pulled the various drips and monitors from my body, leaving them in a tangle on my bed. I definitely wasn't thinking straight as I stood shakily and made my way to the window, wearing only the thin cotton hospital clothes. And there was no way in Hell I was thinking straight as I opened the window and climbed out into the cold night air, swinging my legs onto the grass outside. I was suddenly grateful for being on the first floor of the hospital.

It took all my effort to stay upright as my head spun with dizziness. The wounds in my legs were burning painfully. Small black dots at the edge of my vision threatened to push me into unconsciousness, and for a moment I considered lying down right then and there and enduring the lecture from Tsunade.

_Then again,_ I thought, _if I pass out now, I'll never hear the end of it. At least if I come back on my own I can claim I was just going for a walk._

With that in mind, I took a deep breath and forced my feet forward, moving round the corner of the building. At that point, I was faced with the choice of walking onto the busy street at the front of the hospital, or the smaller, empty street to the side. I took the latter option and, sticking to the shadows of the building and trees, moved as quickly as I could onto the street.

I breathed a sigh of relief once I was off the hospital grounds. My head was still spinning, my body sweating slightly with the exertion, and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that the knife wounds on my legs were bleeding lightly again. But at least I was out in the night.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat, alarmingly close to my ear. I whipped my head around to find Mizuki leaning against the wooden fence at the side of the street. He raised his eyebrows at me.


	13. Chapter 13

"Let's pick up the pace Kiba, Lee." Kakashi called back to his Chuunin subordinates. It had been a short but gruelling mission to the Village of the Sand, and Kakashi was eager to get back to Konoha. He didn't know why, but he felt uneasy, as if he shouldn't have been away for too long. Kiba and Lee both hummed their assent to his order and he felt them begin to run faster, matching his pace at the front of the group. Kakashi's eyes were narrowed grimly.

...

"Somehow, I don't think you just got discharged." Mizuki commented sarcastically as he took in my strained breathing and hospital clothes. I shivered a little.

"I'm just going for a walk."

"I see."

There was an awkward pause as Mizuki continued to gaze at me skeptically, and I battled the urge to cross my arms defensively.

The air seemed colder than it had only moments before.

"Are you sneaking away to train?" Mizuki asked abruptly. I stared at him, perplexed.

"To... train?" He stared at me as if I was particularly slow.

"Yes. I was asking if you're leaving the hospital to train and make up for lost time."

I couldn't understand this man. Surely he knew how much energy it was costing me just to remain standing right now? I felt so inadequate.

_Then again,_ I reasoned, _maybe he's right. I lost to Orochimaru... Shouldn't I be spending all my time getting stronger?_

A small part of my brain told me that this was a stupid idea, but I ignored it. Mizuki was right; what right did I have to call myself a shinobi if I was just going to lie in hospital for days?

"I... Yes. I think I will go and train a little."

"I'll spar with you."

It was a statement more than a question. I felt slightly uneasy, but what did it matter either way? It was thoughtful of him to offer, I decided.

"Okay." I agreed, and with that said we began to take the back alleys towards the training fields.

...

_Kakashi was breathing heavily as the fight reached a new speed and intensity. The three shinobi had ambushed them on their route to the Feudal Lord's home, on a deceivingly safe stretch of road. They hadn't sensed anyone around until suddenly, with a speed which surprised even Kakashi, the rouge ninja had been upon them._

_Kakashi glanced once again at Sakura and Sai, who were defensively guarding the Feudal Lord from one of the ninja's attacks. He could see Kaya in his peripheral vision, almost a blur as she fought in hand to hand combat with another._

_His own opponent was fast, but was only just managing to avoid Kakashi's attacks. A few more well calculated blows, and Kakashi would have him on the ground. He lunged forwards, kunai in hand, eyes fixed on his unfortunate opponent._

_Suddenly he was being pushed to the ground, his body flying several metres before hitting the floor, hard. He jumped back to his feet and turned to where he'd almost killed the other ninja. He breathed in sharply._

_Where before there had been only his opponent, there were now two - the one who had been attacking the Feudal Lord, and the one he had almost finished off, who was lying unmoving on the ground. And standing where he had been only a moment before was Kaya; breathing shallowly as her small frame struggled to pull in enough oxygen. Her hand was raised as if to protect her head, and had been stabbed with a kunai Kakashi hadn't seen coming. The nin who had attacked her was sagging motionless against her, his eyes half open and unseeing._

_He watched as the girl pulled the kunai from her palm with a slight wince, her face betraying nothing else. Once the knife which had been buried in her hand was out, the ninja fell to the floor, no longer held up by his weapon. Kakashi's original opponent was unconscious, and, Kakashi noticed, as he glanced around for the third ninja, she had already knocked out her opponent before jumping between the kunai and Kakashi. _

_She had saved him, he realised. At what point had her speed surpassed his?_

_..._

"Let's stop here." Mizuki's voice detached me from my thoughts and I looked around to find we had walked all the way to one of the training grounds. It was completely deserted this late at night. I felt another small pang of unease as I realised that most people didn't train at one in the morning, but just as quickly as it had come, the thought passed. The field was dark, with only the light of the moon to illuminate it. I had keen eyes, and so I wasn't worried about the dark, but I knew that most shinobi avoided training at night due to an increased chance of injury.

I brushed the thought away.

"Are we sparring?" I asked Mizuki quietly.

"Yes. Begin now." His voice was so easy to listen to; everything he said just seemed so _reasonable._

Before I could contemplate this strange effect any further, he was upon me, lunging forward with a kick. I barely dodged it in time to block his next punch, using as much strength as I had to push him away. He staggered back a couple of steps before continuing, seemingly undeterred.

The fight continued with me constantly on the defense, only just managing to avoid his kicks and blows in time to dodge the next one. He was fast, but I knew that in my usual state I would be faster. Tonight, though, I could barely move out of his way, the movement pulling at the wounds on my legs and sending breaths that burnt like fire through my lungs.

It felt like hours when Mizuki suddenly stopped fighting, moving from a defensive crouch into a standing position.

"I think I should go now." He said, barely glancing at me as I supported myself against a tree trunk. Sweat covered my body in a thin sheen, and my lungs were struggling to take in any more air.

"By the way, when your sensei comes along, you should tell him you were out for a walk. Otherwise he won't let you train for weeks, and you'll become weak. You won't be able to protect anyone if you're weak."

"You're right." I managed between quick breaths. "Thank you for sparring with me."

Mizuki gave a brisk nod, before turning and disappearing into the trees.

It wasn't until a few minutes later, when my head began to clear a little, that I realised the strangeness of the whole situation. Why had I agreed to spar with him when I was injured? _And what did he mean by 'when your sensei comes along'?_

The answer to my question came sooner rather than later.

"Kaya." Kakashi's voice was laced with anger.

My head snapped up.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?" His forehead protector was pulled up to reveal his sharingan, which glowed faintly in the dark.

"I could ask you exactly the same question."

...


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: The romance finally starts!**

"I could ask you exactly the same question." He tried to keep his voice calm, but worry and anger was seeping through; he could see the nervousness in her eyes as she leant against the tree, holding her side and breathing heavily.

Kakashi turned and looked back to where Kiba and Lee were waiting at a respectful distance. Both looked confused, but they did well not to say anything. _Perhaps they're a little scared of me too,_ Kakashi thought. He tried to relax his facial expression a little and slow his breathing.

"Head back to the village Kiba, Lee." He ordered shortly.

"Hai!" The young shinobi turned and and began to jog off in the direction of Konoha.

Kakashi took a deep breath before turning back to Kaya. She held his gaze for a moment; without warning her face paled and she fell forward, sinking toward the ground.

Alarmed, Kakashi rushed to catch her before she hit the ground, kneeling before her and supporting her weight in his arms. He lowered her gently to the ground, letting her head rest on his lap.

"Kaya. Kaya!" he called. Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked up at him in confusion. He watched as her gaze cleared, and she seemed to remember why she was there.

"Kakashi." She said gently.

The way she said his name, as if it was her favourite word, made him want to kiss her. Made him want to draw his name from her lips again.

He realised he'd been staring at her for several seconds, and abruptly cleared his throat.

"What are you doing out here?" He demanded. Her pretty eyes widened.

"I was just... Going for a walk. I got restless in the hospital."

Kakashi frowned in disbelief.

"Do you think I'm really going to buy that? You look like you've been running!" Kakashi was about to continue and tell her how reckless she'd been, how lucky she was that he'd happened to be returning right then, that she could have hurt herself; but then he looked into her eyes. The sadness there shocked him in a way he hadn't felt for years, since he'd been a genin and seen his first death.

Hers were the eyes of someone who'd suffered unimaginably. He felt his chest tighten and heart clench just to look at her.

"Kaya..." he trailed off.

She seemed to realise what he'd seen, and worked quickly to give him a smile.

"I think I can stand up." She said quietly, a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Wha- oh." Kakashi realised he was still holding her on his lap. He slowly helped her to her feet, letting her lean against him as a support.

"Thank you." She murmured.

He turned to look at her, their faces intimately close as she was leaning on his shoulder. He couldn't take his eyes off her face, her small, delicate nose, strange crimson eyes and pale skin.

Without thinking, he pulled her slowly round to face him, so that she was leaning against his chest. She was much smaller than him, the top of her head barely reaching his chin. Her eyes were wide as they scanned his face, but there was no fear in them.

Slowly, he lifted his hand to her face. He stroked his thumb over her cheek, barely touching her. He felt her hand slide down from his shoulder to rest lightly on his chest. She stared into his eyes without saying a word. She seemed to be searching for something.

He leaned down closer to her face, his eyes scanning hers to catch any sign that he should stop. She lifted her chin to meet him; slowly, almost painfully, she brushed her lips against his masked ones. He felt an electric jolt at the contact and pulled away quickly, letting go of her.

Without his support, her legs collapsed beneath her and she fell back to the ground. Once again he caught her, but this time he held her up stiffly, avoiding eye contact.

Without another word, Kakashi lifted her into his arms, bridal style, and set off at a brisk walk towards the village. He didn't look at her once, all the way to the Hokage's office.

...

"You ripped out the stitches in your legs and set back all the healing to your internal organs several days! What on earth compelled you to go running in the middle of the night? I should have you under constant surveillance by a medic!"

Tsunade ranted at me as I lay helpless back on the hospital bed, my legs newly stitched and bandaged. Kakashi stood behind Tsunade, being unhelpfully silent.

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama. I wasn't thinking." That was the truth. I didn't know why I had done something so reckless, especially with a man I'd only met twice. _What had come over me?_ I wondered for the millionth time. And yet, I still hadn't told either Kakashi or Tsunade-sama what I'd really been doing.

"You're damn right you weren't thinking! I'm putting you on bed rest for another three days. I don't want to hear a single complaint about it!"

I glanced pleadingly at Kakashi. He merely shrugged, though I detected a hint of amusement in his eyes. I gave in.

"I understand."

Tsunade gave a long-suffering sigh and swept out of the room. Finally it was just me and Kakashi.

"About before-" I began.

"I'm sorry about before." Kakashi cut me off. "That was inappropriate of me. I hope you can forgive me. It won't happen again."

"Oh." I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice. Kakashi shot me a strange look.

"Let's just forget it. We're both tired. You need to rest." He started towards the door.

"Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for carrying me back. Again." He paused, still turned away from me.

"I'll always carry you back home." I couldn't see his face, but his voice was gentler than it had ever been. There was regret there, too, and something else I couldn't place.

I closed my eyes. I only heard the soft click of the door sliding shut behind him before I drifted into a deep sleep.

...


	15. Chapter 15

Kurenai let herself into Kaya's hospital room. The girl was sleeping, her long hair splayed out on the pillow around her. She frowned in her sleep, her fists clenched. Kurenai sighed. She felt her heart ache for her niece, who couldn't even sleep without being on guard.

Taking a seat beside the bed, Kurenai began to stroke Kaya's hair.

"Kaya." She spoke quietly, part of her hoping the girl would continue to sleep. Kaya stirred and rubbed her eyes. Kurenai continued to stroke her hair, hating the moment of confusion in Kaya's eyes before she recognized Kurenai.

"It's just me." She reassured her.

"Kurenai." The girl smiled. Kurenai smiled in return.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good. How long have I been asleep?" Kurenai gave a soft laugh.

"Just the whole day. It's mid-afternoon."

Kaya's eyes widened in surprise.

"I slept all day?" Kurenai couldn't help but laugh again.

"Yes, well, Tsunade said you needed to recover from your walk last night." She kept her tone light, but she saw the guilt in Kaya's eyes. She sighed.

"Don't be so reckless. I couldn't stand it if I lost you." She reprimanded gently. Kaya bit her lip and nodded.

"Sorry. I won't do that again. I think Tsunade-sama would finish me herself if I did." The girl tried to make light of the situation.

Kurenai took a deep breath.

"I need to tell you something, if now is a good time."

"I don't think I'll be going anywhere in a hurry." Kurenai smiled. She took another deep breath, and began.

"I'm pregnant."

...

"I'm pregnant."

I gasped. For a moment I couldn't say a thing. A warm surge of happiness filled my mind. Involuntarily, I felt my eyes fill with tears.

"You're- that's- I'm so happy for you! Does Asuma know?"

Now it was Kurenai's turn to be surprised.

"You know about Asuma?" She asked. I laughed.

"Of course I know about Asuma! I'm not blind. I'm so happy for you, Kurenai, this is wonderful."

She smiled, her eyes betraying her own joy.

"Thank you, Kaya. I'm really... I really want this baby." I pulled myself into a sitting position and leaned forward to pull her into a hug.

"Congratulations! You're going to be such a wonderful mother. After all, you practically raised me. Are you and Asuma going to move in together soon?" Kurenai nodded.

"Yes. As soon as you're out of hospital we can all go find a house." She looked slightly nervous. I fixed my gaze on hers.

"You and Asuma will be great parents. I don't need to move to the house with you." I spoke as gently as possible.

Kurenai shook her head.

"I won't kick you out. You're my family."

"I know. You're the only family I have left, and I love you. I'll be fine living on my own, though. You don't need to worry about me."

Kurenai didn't look entirely convinced, but over the next half hour I got her to agree.

"You can have the apartment."

"Thank you, Kurenai."

...

"Do you think it's safe to let him have free reign in the village? He's a criminal." Shizune frowned worriedly at the Fifth. Tsunade sighed, bridging her hands on her desk.

"That's why he won't be reinstated to his status as a shinobi. He's done his time. Technically we can't keep him in the correctional facility for any longer. We'll keep an eye on him and if he starts acting at all suspicious, we'll know about it."

"Hmm." Shizune hummed discontentedly.

"Besides," continued Tsunade, "we have bigger things to worry about at the moment. Such as why Orochimaru let Kaya go without a struggle, if he was so concerned with extracting intel from her."

"Let her go?" Shizune exclaimed. "We had to sneak in and rescue her!"

"That's exactly my point. You got in to the hideout, found Kaya, rescued her, got out _and_ got all the way back to the village, supposedly without him noticing. That doesn't feel right to me."

Shizune nodded. At that moment the office door swung open and Kakashi strode in.

"Ah, Kakashi." Tsunade said, gesturing for him to close the door. "We were just discussing something which you may be able to help us with."

"Oh?" he mumbled vaguely.

_He looks tired._ Shizune thought, noting the shadow under his visible eye and the way he rubbed his hand distractedly through his hair.

"I don't believe Orochimaru couldn't sense your presence at his hideout at all." Tsunade began. "You said getting Kaya out was a little too easy, didn't you?"

At the mention of Kaya's name, Kakashi stood a little straighter, his previously distracted gaze now focussed.

"Yes. I believe Orochimaru let us rescue her; though I can only speculate as to why that might be."

"Speculation is the best option we've got at the moment." Tsunade said gravely. Kakashi sighed.

"When Yamato and I were waiting for a chance to get Kaya, we heard Kabuto talking to her. At the time I thought it was only to try to get her to crack under emotional pressure, but looking back I believe he may have known we were there. I believe that they captured Kaya to prove a point to you and Konoha's shinobi - that they had the power to take down a jounin and torture them. In the same way, I believe they let us rescue her in an attempt to dishearten us all. Seeing as she was so badly injured, they may have thought she'd die before we could get back to the village, thus rendering our help ineffective."

Kakashi relayed the information to the Hokage in a detached voice, without inflection. The only sign that he was at all affected by his own words was the way his jaw clenched as he fell silent. Tsunade didn't seem to notice, her own eyes troubled as she contemplated his theory.

After a few moments, she sighed wearily.

"Knowing Orochimaru, that theory is entirely possible. I suppose in some ways we should be thanking him for being so twisted that he would let her suffer rather than kill her. At least we have her safe now."

"I can't feel grateful towards him," Kakashi growled. "Because I know she's still suffering."

...


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This chapter** **contains scenes which may be triggering to those with an anxiety disorder. Please read with care. Reviews are appreciated! xxx**

_"You're mine." Mine, mine, mine. The words echo around my brain, echo around the stone walled room, echo and bounce around my head and Kabuto smiles and he's a predator reaching for me, claiming me, stealing me and-_

"PLEASE!" My voice ripped from my throat in a strangled cry as I burst into consciousness. I clutched at the sheets which pinned my body to the hospital bed, pulling myself into a sitting position from where I lay tangled in the white mess of blankets.

My chest was too tight, my lungs too small, I couldn't pull in enough air. I gasped for breath, dropping my head into my hands as I wheezed. The heart monitor beeped frantically again, the sound as distant to me as the fluorescent lights which flickered on in response to the machines.

Black spots at the edge of my vision threatened to take over. Images from my nightmare flashed through my head, mixed in with my memories till I couldn't tell which was dream and which was real.

...

Kakashi closed the door behind him as he left the Hokage's office. As he turned around to make his way back down the hall, he was almost bowled over by two medical nin who came sprinting straight into him. One of them, a young girl, nearly fell to the floor as she bounced off his chest. He caught her one handed and pulled her back to her feet with a frown.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed breathlessly over her shoulder, barely glancing at Kakashi before pulling open the Hokage's door and rushing in, followed quickly by the other medic. Kakashi was about to continue walking when he heard the girl's hasty shout to Tsunade.

"Tsunade-sama! We have an emergency with a patient! Yuhi-san's heart rate monitor has reached emergency levels!"

Tsunade was up and out of her office before Kakashi could fully process the words. She strode briskly out of her office, Shizune following at her heels. Kakashi didn't even consider going home; he followed the women down the corridor as Tsunade barked questions at the medics.

"Is anyone attending to her?"

"We can't get into the room! The door handle has disappeared!" The younger medical nin spoke frantically.

"WHAT?" Tsunade asked incredulously. "What the hell do you mean, 'the door handle has disappeared'?"

"I-uh- well it's just that no one can open the door because we can't tell how to open it!" The medic spluttered futilely.

"Did you even read her case file?!" Tsunade was close to shouting at this point. They had reached the dark streets of Konoha and were now running round the corner, towards the brightly lit hospital.

"She's a genjutsu user! She's powerful enough that she accidentally casts protective genjutsu in times of extreme distress. The door handle hasn't _actually disappeared_, she's unconsciously warding people away from her!"

"A-Ah! Sorry, Tsunade-sama!" The medics stammered.

The group reached the hospital, Tsunade leading past reception and down the hall towards Kaya's room.

Sure enough, a small group of confused medics were frantically trying to open the door to Kaya's room. At the sight of Tsunade their eyes widened and they moved back from the door.

"Go back to work!" Tsunade commanded in frustration. "I'll handle things here!"

"H-hai!" They chorused, rushing off to other areas of the hospital with sheepish expressions on their faces.

Kakashi and Shizune stood several steps back from Tsunade as she faced the door. She made a quick sign.

"Release!" She commanded, focussing her chakra on dispelling Kaya's genjutsu. The illusion wavered for a moment, before clearing completely to reveal the door. Without wasting a moment, Tsunade pulled it open and strode into the room, followed immediately by Shizune and Kakashi.

They found Kaya gasping on the bed, clutching her head in her hands as she breathed in raggedly. The heart rate monitor was beeping wildly. Kaya was emitting irregular groans as she tried desperately to control her breathing. Kakashi gripped tightly to the foot of the bed frame to stop himself from rushing to her. She sounded as if she were being tortured all over again.

...

Tsunade walked to Kaya's side and reached out to her, circling her hands around the girl's slender wrists. Gently, but firmly, she pulled Kaya's hands from her face.

"Shizune." She murmured. Shizune responded immediately, moving to support the girl in her arms and sitting beside her on the bed. She kept one arm on Kaya's back, and gathered the girl's wrists in her other hand. Tsunade noted the bloody fingernail marks on the sides of Kaya's face where she had dug into her own skin during the panic attack. Kaya was still having difficulty breathing, her small body shaking in Shizune's arms.

Kakashi stood, helpless, at the foot of the bed.

"Kaya." Tsunade spoke calmly to the girl. "You're in the hospital. You're safe. Look at me."

Shizune lifted her hand from the girl's wrists and onto her chest. She began to focus her chakra into Kaya's lungs, till a green glow appeared to emanate from her chest. She felt Kaya's body lose some of its tension as the chakra spread to her pounding heart.

"Kaya." Tsunade said again. "It's okay. You're safe. It's okay."

Slowly, her breathing began to stabilise, her body ceased it's shaking, and she seemed to finally recognise the three standing around her.

"No..." she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

"It's okay, Kaya." Shizune said as she began to rub the girl's back slowly.

...

I fixed my eyes on him as my vision cleared and my heart slowed down. He stood at the end of the bed, his visible eye wide with worry. In that moment, when nothing in the world made sense, when I felt as if my head would explode, I locked eyes with him and it pulled me through.

Then other sense began to come back to me; I felt Shizune rubbing my back gently. I could hear Tsunade's voice talking to me patiently. I let the tension leave my body and let Shizune's arms support me.

"I'm sorry." I tried to speak up, but my voice came out as a whisper.

"Don't apologise." I could hear the worry in Tsunade's voice.

"When can I be discharged, Tsunade-sama?" I asked quietly. "I want to get back to work as soon as I can."

"You don't need to be hasty with that! You have to recover first."

"I just want to try to protect the village."

"I know, Kaya, but this isn't up for discussion. You can return to missions once I've decided you're healed enough."

A wave of tiredness washed over me. I felt my eyelids grow heavy. I forced my eyes to stay open and focussed on the Hokage.

"I'm healing more every day. At least can I begin to train again?"

Tsunade frowned.

"We'll discuss this later. Get some more sleep and I'll come see you in a few hours, okay?"

I bit my lip nervously, then looked down.

"Okay." I agreed quietly.

Shizune pushed me gently back down so that I was lying on my back. With a last reassuring smile she joined Tsunade at the door and turned to leave.

"Are you coming, Kakashi?" Tsunade asked of the silver haired nin.

"In a moment." He replied. Tsunade nodded and exited the room, Shizune closing the door behind her.

...


	17. Chapter 17

"You look tired." Kakashi began, trying to keep his voice steady. She looked so small and pale, lying there on the hospital bed.

"I'm okay." She replied quietly. When he didn't speak, she pushed herself back up so that she was leaning against the frame of the bed, facing him.

"You haven't been to see me." She murmured.

"I've been busy." He replied robotically. Hurt flashed across her face, and he softened.

"I've been trying to let you recover."

"Oh."

Silence fell between the pair, each wanting to fill it but not knowing where to begin.

"Kakashi..." whispered the girl. He looked into her eyes and saw an emptiness there.

Without thinking, he crossed the room to sit on the side of her bed, closer to her than would have usually been expected between the two of them.

"You remind me of myself." He murmured. Kaya could detect a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"What do you mean?" she asked. He gave a small sigh.

"Never mind." he replied. Her hand was so close to his on the bed, he noticed. He looked up into her strange red eyes, where his own reflection stared back at him.

...

I looked into his visible eye and felt a pull in my stomach, a feeling almost like nervousness, but sweeter. Slowly, I raised my hand to his face and hooked my fingers under his forehead protector. I pulled it up over his sharingan, so that both of his mismatched eyes were staring back it me warily. When my fingers brushed against the skin on his cheek, he shivered. Slowly, still at that same agonizing pace, I ran my hand down over his cheekbone to the top of his mask.

I flickered my eyes over his, searching for a sign that I should stop. He didn't move, nor did he say a word. I felt the intensity of his gaze on mine. Turning my attention back to the mask, I slipped my fingers beneath the top. Once again, I checked his face for a signal to stop. His eyes were closed, his expression almost... pained.

"Do you get butterflies too?" I whispered.

"Every time I see you." He murmured. That was answer enough for me. I pulled his mask down over his face to reveal a straight nose, smooth skin and a strong jaw. He was beautiful.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, closing my eyes as he leaned into the kiss. His hand tangled in my hair, and he brushed the small of my back with the other. I hummed quietly into his lips as he deepened the kiss, leaving me breathless.

It may have been hours or seconds later when he pulled back. I opened my eyes in surprise. He was staring at me in shock, eyes wide.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently. He shook his head and jumped to his feet.

"I'm sorry. I'm- I'm sorry, that shouldn't have happened." He muttered, quickly pulling his mask over his face again. His words stung. I swallowed my hurt and forced myself to reply to him calmly.

"I see." I used his own trick against him and made my voice emotionless, putting up walls to block out my feelings, and his.

He was at the door before I could speak again.

"I should go." He said brusquely. He didn't give me a chance to reply, closing the door behind him before I could even open my mouth.

_Why does he always do that?_ I wondered.

...

"GodDAMMIT!" Kakashi growled as he slashed through the training post with his chidori. He leapt to the next post and hit that one with his lightning too, crushing it. Breathing heavily, he surveyed the empty training field for a post which had been left standing. To his surprise, every single post, target - even a large boulder which Gai often used to practice his kicks against - had been crushed, slashed or destroyed by his chidori.

Due to his facade of polite disinterest, many shinobi often forgot that Kakashi could be so scary. On the rare occasions that he trained in a temper, the other jounin would avoid him, leaving him to take out his anger on the unfortunate blocks and posts which usually ended up crushed on the ground. Only one person, Gai, would confront him when he was angry; this person happened to have observed Kakashi's rampage.

Gai jogged across the field to where his eternal rival stood panting.

"Kakashi!" He called cheerfully, anticipating the glare he was sure to receive. To his surprise, Kakashi merely nodded towards him before stooping to pick up a kunai which he had embedded in a nearby post.

"Gai." He said shortly.

_This is going better than usual,_ Gai thought.

"How are you, my friend?" He asked.

"I thought you were on a mission." Kakashi remarked by way of reply. Gai sighed inwardly, but kept his tone as cheerful as always.

"I just got back, and came out here to do some training! What a coincidence that you're here too!"

They both knew he was lying, that the other jounin had sent him out to calm the silver haired shinobi down after seeing him storm out of the village, but Gai decided that mentioning it wouldn't help the situation.

"Are you done training?" He continued.

"Not really..." Kakashi trailed off, before giving a sigh. "Would you like to come running with me?" He asked defeatedly.

"Aha, Kakashi! That's the spirit!" Gai grinned. "Of course I will run with you! We can do five hundred laps of the village!"

In spite of himself, Kakashi gave a dry chuckle.

"Perhaps not five hundred, Gai." He murmured.

"Don't flake out on me, Kakashi!" Gai called over his shoulder, already running off. Kakashi shook his head in resignation before leaping into action, springing after Gai.

...

It wasn't until thirty four laps later that Gai felt it was safe to ask Kakashi what was wrong. His friend was panting slightly, and building up a light sweat. His eyes were focussed and no longer filled with such frustration.

"What set of your temper this time, Kakashi?" Gai asked casually, checking his friend's reaction out of the corner of his eye. Kakashi was silent, and Gai thought that he wouldn't reply. A minute or so later he finally spoke.

"If I told you I loved someone, what would you say?" Kakashi held his breath nervously as he waited for his friend's answer. To his surprise, rather than his usual exuberant answer, Gai appeared thoughtful, picking his words carefully.

"If you said you loved someone," He began, "I would be happier than I have been in years."

...


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thankyou to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! You guys are the best. xx**

I tossed and turned in the hospital bed that night. My lungs still felt tight, my eyes burned and my thoughts whirled. Kurenai and Asuma had visited me during the day; I'd murmured quiet replies to Kurenai's questions and pretended to laugh at Asuma's jokes. Kurenai's gently discerning look as she left had told me she hadn't believed my act for a moment.

I was worried about Kakashi and worried that I'd upset him. I couldn't stop the images which crept into my head, memories of Kabuto and Orochimaru which haunted my every waking moment. I hadn't been able to eat all day; every time a nurse had brought me food, I'd waited until she was out of the room before pushing the tray onto the bedside table and returning to my curled up position on the bed. Twice I'd felt the same terror overtaking me, threatening to cut off my oxygen. The only thing which had brought me back to reality was when I'd dug my nails sharply into my forearms, drawing blood. The pain had kept me focussed and reminded me of where I was.

...

Kakashi couldn't sleep. He'd spent the whole day training, pushing his body to its limits. Logically, he should be exhausted. He couldn't sleep when all he could think about was her.

_She's probably disgusted with me,_ he thought. _She trusted me as her teacher, and her friend, and I took advantage of her when she clearly couldn't think straight._

He sat up in bed, rubbing a hand distractedly through his hair. A walk would clear his head, he decided. His clock read 10.40pm.

...

I couldn't lie in this bed a moment longer. Shaking with the effort, I pulled myself into a seated position and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My bare feet found the cold floor. Tentatively, I tested my weight on my legs. My knees shook a little and my head spun, but I could stand. I smiled grimly. Taking a deep breath, I made my way slowly to the window. I glanced at the clock; it glowed back at me, displaying '10.41pm' in small red digits.

...

Kakashi made his way down the steps of his apartment block, rolling the sleeves of his shirt up as he walked. It was particularly cold tonight, the air bracing on his exposed forearms, but the cold was exactly what he needed to clear his head. A weak light came from behind the clouds, which covered the moon. Kakashi felt his muscles begin to relax as soon as he was out in the night air; being outside always had that effect on him. Sometimes he found it too claustrophobic to be indoors.

...

I pulled the window open tentatively, hoping no one would be able to hear. Glancing back into the dark room, I suddenly had an idea. I hadn't tried to use ninjutsu since I'd been home - maybe now was the perfect time to test my chakra levels. Besides, it wouldn't help to have Tsunade find my bed empty again.

Before I could consider how dangerous my idea was, I made the signs for a shadow clone. Pain shot up my spine as I finished the signs, and I gasped with the exertion. Within an instant, a shadow clone stood beside me. I almost laughed with relief and surprise. As much of a risk as that had been, at least I knew I could manipulate chakra once more. My wounds had almost healed, too. My body was getting stronger. It seemed the only thing that was holding me back from fully recovering at the moment was the random flashes of terror which left me breathless and shaking.

...

He made his way through the busy commercial streets of Konoha, which were bustling with civilian activity. The sounds of chatter and laughter bounced around the streets, friendly banter from inside the restaurants and the calls of the street vendors advertising their foods. Every so often Kakashi would see someone he knew, and exchange a nod or polite greeting. He wasn't in the mood for conversation, however. He wanted to be alone, and despite the cheerful atmosphere of the busier streets, he knew he would be able to think more clearly on a smaller, emptier street. He turned abruptly into an alley which he knew led towards the hospital. _I'll just walk right past,_ he reassured himself.

...

Once my shadow clone was lying in the hospital bed, I turned back to the window and swung one leg out onto the grass outside, and then the other. The grass was cold beneath my bare feet, and the frigid night air felt freezing against my exposed skin. I'd almost forgotten I was only wearing the thin hospital clothes. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I'd have to stay off the main roads. I smiled as I remembered a time when Naruto had escaped the hospital and gone straight to Ichiraku Ramen. Shizune had found him within minutes and, as I remembered, physically dragged him back to the hospital room. She'd then proceeded to tie him to the bed. The rest of them hadn't let him off the dirty jokes for weeks after that.

I laughed softly. Even Neji had made a crack at Naruto that week.

It took me longer than it usually would have, but I made it round the side of the hospital and onto the side alley which I'd taken a few days ago.

...

Kakashi forced his pace to slow, and pushed his hands into his pockets. In a few minutes he'd be onto the street which ran alongside the hospital. He almost considered turning back and going home - _but I'm only walking past,_ he reassured himself. He was startled out of his thoughts when he sensed a familiar presence ahead. He listened to the footsteps which were approaching; they were slightly irregular, as if the person had been running or was out of breath. The chakra was warm and familiar, however. A silhouette appeared at the end of the street ahead of him.

"What are you doing running around?" Kakashi called, a hint of concern creeping into his voice.

...

I made my way slowly down the darkened alleyway, pausing occasionally to lean against the fence which framed the street. My chest tightened increasingly with each painful step. My footsteps were irregular and forced, but I kept moving forward, almost numbly. The cold seared through my lungs; after the claustrophobic feel of the hospital room, it was almost a relief.

As I turned the next corner, a sense of someone else's chakra invaded my senses. A few moments later, I could see the familiar outline of a man in the darkness of the street. _What on earth is he doing here?_ I wondered. Before I had a chance to open my mouth, he called out to me.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry in advance for the cliffhanger guys! xx**

"What are you doing running around?" Kakashi called to Iruka, a hint of concern creeping into his voice. He'd always liked the mild-mannered academy teacher, and it was strange to see him so obviously discomforted. As they drew nearer to one another, Kakashi took in his slightly strained expression and the light sheen of sweat on his face.

"Oh, Kakashi, it's you!" Iruka laughed nervously. "I thought you were someone else."

"Is everything okay?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, yes, I'm sure it is." Iruka fidgeted on the spot. "I'm just looking for a... friend, is all."

"You're looking for him?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. He couldn't see Iruka's face in the darkness, but he could imagine that the younger man was blushing as he replied.

"Well, he's not a friend so much as a charge... The Hokage has ordered me to keep an eye on him. No one's really supposed to know."

"Ah, I understand." Kakashi grew serious. "Do you need help?"

"No, no, I don't want to trouble you! I'm sure it's nothing, I'm just overreacting." Iruka laughed nervously again. Kakashi could tell that he was truly worried about whoever his 'charge' may be.

"I'll help you look." Kakashi offered. "I'm only out for a walk anyway."

"Ah- okay. Thank you, Kakashi." Iruka accepted gratefully.

The two men fell into step beside each other as they began to search the dark streets. After a couple of minutes, Kakashi spoke up.

"Who is he?" He asked with a forced casualness. Iruka was silent for a moment, obviously uncomfortable.

"Do you remember the incident with Mizuki a few years ago?" He asked finally. Kakashi nodded, and then realised that Iruka couldn't see him in the dark.

"Yes, I do. I thought he was imprisoned for that."

"Well he was," Iruka continued. "After four years his sentence was over and he'd gone through the necessary rehabilitation procedures, so Tsunade had to let him back into the village as a civilian. She assigned me to watch him in these first few weeks to make sure he isn't up to anything suspicious. The first time he went missing, I wasn't too worried - after all, he came back after a few hours and said he'd just been going for a walk. But this time, he's been gone for hours and no one has seen him around."

"That is suspicious." Kakashi agreed. His voice had taken on the authoritative tone of the jounin captain he'd been for years.

"That's what I thought." mumbled Iruka.

"You said that he has disappeared for a few hours before tonight?" Kakashi pressed.

"Yes, two nights ago. I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to go outside to clear my head." Iruka paused. "His apartment is right next to mine, and I noticed his lights were still on, so I knocked on the door to see if he needed anything, and he wasn't there. Asuma was just coming home after seeing Kurenai, and he said that he'd seen Mizuki leave at about the same time he went out himself."

"But he came back eventually?"

"Yes, around three in the morning he got back. He looked as if he'd been running, and he was in training gear, too, so I assumed he'd been exercising. It was strange, though, he wouldn't say where he'd been."

Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks.

"He looked as if he'd been exercising?" He asked suddenly, his voice tense. Startled, Iruka stopped walking and turned to the jounin, his brow furrowed in consternation.

"Yes, he was sweaty, and he had that glint in his eyes that I remember from when we used to train together..." Iruka trailed off. "You don't think that he was practicing ninjutsu, do you?" He asked in alarm.

"Maybe." Kakashi murmured, his mind racing.

"Iruka." He said suddenly. "Come with me. I need to check something."

...

"Kaya." He called out to me. His voice was smooth and soothing, and immediately I felt my body respond to the sound and begin to move towards him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quietly, frowning slightly as he took my arm in his and began to walk with me back in the direction of the hospital.

"I knew you'd want to train again." Mizuki replied with a dry humourless laugh. "Shall we go to a different training field this time?"

"Train?" I murmured. "Tsunade-sama said it wasn't a good idea last time."

"Don't you think Tsunade was being unreasonable?" Mizuki asked me, steering me round another corner and on to another street, where only a couple of vendors were packing up their stalls.

I considered what he'd said. I felt slightly dazed.

"Tsunade-sama isn't unreasonable." My voice sounded too quiet, even to my own ears.

"She's being unreasonable. She doesn't think you can handle being a shinobi anymore. She doesn't think you can protect anyone." Mizuki responded smoothly. His voice was so silky, so calming, so _reasonable_. My heart contracted painfully as I realised that he was right; no one thought I was capable of protecting them. I was useless.

"Why does she doubt me?" I asked sadly.

"Because you're not strong enough." Mizuki replied without skipping a beat. Tears threatened to overflow from my eyes.

We continued to walk in silence, as I attempted to clear the fog which was rapidly settling in my mind. Something felt wrong.

He glanced at me as we reached the edge of the village, the abandoned mission debriefing hut and the road which led to the training grounds.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head; my mind felt foggy and dazed.

We walked without talking for several minutes. If not for Mizuki's grip on my arm, I may have stopped walking out of sheer confusion. I could feel a thought nagging at the back of my mind, something important which I couldn't remember for the life of me.

"This should do." Mizuki's voice pulled me from my reverie as we reached a clearing.

This time, I was ready for his swift attack; my body was stronger and my chakra system was undamaged. I dodged Mizuki's first kick with ease, revelling in the tension in my muscles. I was still injured, but no where near as badly as I had been two nights ago when we'd first sparred.

Mizuki's blows came fast and strong as we spun across the field, striking at one another. Twice, I almost hit Mizuki with my own blows; both times, he lashed out at the wounds on my thighs in a counterattack, forcing small cries of pain from my lips. I didn't falter, however. I didn't know why, but this felt important. Mizuki was right. I was too weak to protect my teammates, my village, my... friends.

"You're weak." Mizuki hissed at me as I dodged out of the way of a particularly fast punch. I gasped with the strain of the fight. I could feel my newfound strength leaving my body as I pushed against the barrier which my injuries had put up. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to continue sparring.

"I know." I gasped.

Suddenly, Mizuki stopped. Confused, I straightened up and gazed into his cold, steely eyes.

"Do you think you deserve to be called a shinobi?" He asked slowly. I stared at him in bewilderment.

"You were too weak to avoid being captured by Orochimaru. Someone like you doesn't deserve the title of 'shinobi'." He stepped closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder like a vice. In the back of my mind, I knew there was something wrong with what he was saying, but my mind was swirling and I couldn't think straight.

"I- what do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"You heard me." He moved closer still, pressing his body to mine. Instinctively, I took a step back, until I felt my body hit something hard. I realised he'd cornered me against a tree.

The first vestiges of panic began to rise in my chest. The pain in my thighs swelled; it hurt, but it was enough to clear my mind momentarily. At that moment, something clicked in my head.

"How do you know I was captured by Orochimaru?" I demanded, my voice coming out quieter than I'd intended. Mizuki raised an eyebrow condescendingly.

"It's an interesting coincidence, isn't it, that just hours after he let your comrades _rescue you,_" He sneered as he paused. "I was released?"

"Released?" My lips moved of their own accord as I stared at his face, which had once seemed so smooth and trustworthy, now twisted into a hateful sneer.

"From prison. You stupid girl, didn't you think to wonder why you'd never seen me before? I was imprisoned, and no one trusted me except for Orochimaru!" He ranted, his eyes taking on a wild glint.

"I was outcast and stripped of my rank, all because of some stupid child!" His raised his voice, practically shouting in my face.

"_You_ betrayed _me_, you fucking shinobi!" He spat. "I refuse to bow down to traitors, to come back to this village and be called a 'civilian' again. Orochimaru is going to make me powerful, and all I have to do is kill one stupid little girl! One stupid little girl who wouldn't tell him a few simple facts. You chose this for yourself, you know, when you wouldn't serve him. But I - I will serve him!" He grinned maniacally. "And together, Orochimaru and I will crush this treacherous village!"

My heart clenched as the last dredges of confusion left my mind. He was going to kill me. He'd betrayed Konoha, and now he was going to kill me.

Time seemed to slow down. My vision sharpened; my body throbbed with pain and adrenaline.  
Mizuki drew a kunai and pressed the cold blade to my neck.

...


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Trigger warning for this chapter: violence and references to PTSD. Please read at your own discretion! Reviews are really appreciated as they keep me on track with my writing... thanks guys! xx**

I felt a sharp sting of pain as the edge of the blade broke my skin. A bead of blood trickled down my neck; I felt it pool in the hollow of my collarbones. I took a shuddering breath as I readied myself to move. Mizuki's eyes glinted with the taint of madness which I now realised he'd had all along.

"How did you trick me?" I tried to keep my voice calm so as not to provoke him. He grinned.

"I had a lot of free time in that prison." He hissed. "So when Kabuto came to me one night, and said he would teach me a new jutsu which would help me gain power, of course I agreed. You've been under my genjutsu since you got back... Though I have to admit, you fought it better than the guards at the prison. They were like zombies to my voice. Pathetic." He spat.

I let out a shaky breath. _Genjutsu. He'd managed to put me under genjutsu._

"It's not too late for you to rejoin the village." I murmured to him. I looked into his eyes; they were wild with madness, but I could see something else there, too. Perhaps it was regret.

"If you stop now, I won't hurt you." I continued softly. "I don't want to kill you, Mizuki. You have a life here as a civilian if you just drop the blade. Orochimaru is manipulating you. He doesn't care about you, or anyone besides himself. Stop this now, and you still have a chance to help the village." I forced my voice to maintain its even tone.

Mizuki stared into my eyes. I searched the grey irises for a hint of remorse, for any reason to hesitate. There was pain in his gaze, a conflicted expression. I knew he still had doubts.

I opened my mouth to speak again.

"SHUT UP!" He roared. "HOW DO YOU PLAN ON KILLING ME, HMM? YOU CAN BARELY WALK!" His chest heaved with anger.

Pity filled my heart as I stared at this man who was now no more than a puppet to Orochimaru. He pressed the blade of the kunai harder to my throat, drawing more blood.

"I'm no longer under your genjutsu, Mizuki." I tried to reason with him. "I'm capable of ending your life. Don't push me to do that."

"You can't do anything, little girl."

_I can't save him,_ I realised. _He won't listen to reason._ I knew he was planning to kill me. If I stood here and let him, he would kill me. I couldn't hold back any longer.

Drawing all my strength into my core, I took a shallow breath. It was now or never.

With all the speed I had in me, I whipped my hand to my throat, grasping the sharp end of the knife and ripping it from his hand. He let go of the kunai in surprise, obviously not expecting a fight. Absently, I could feel the sharp pain in my hand from where the kunai blade was cutting into the palm of my hand, but I didn't let the pain hinder me. Bringing my knee up, hard, I kicked him in the shin. I felt the bone crack as I made contact with his leg. He let out a loud howl of pain and fell to one knee.

"You bitch!" He yelled, reaching for my ankle. I leapt neatly out of the way, ignoring the searing in my own legs.

He pulled himself to his feet against the tree trunk, wincing at the pain which must have been overwhelming to his senses. My heart clenched. Deranged as he may be, I didn't want to kill this man.

"I'll give you one last chance." I called to him. "Give this up now, and I will not kill you." He merely glared at me and took a step forward onto his unharmed leg.

I let the kunai fly from my hand with a speed which rivalled Kakashi's. He made a small sound of surprise as it sunk into his chest, hitting his heart. I knew it was a vital spot. I never missed.

He gazed down in shock at the kunai embedded in his chest, then stared up at me once more. With a cough, blood burst from his mouth, dripping down his chin and onto the neckline of his shirt. The light began to fade from his eyes. He fell to the ground.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as he took his last, rattling breath. Too soon, his life was over. I took several shaky steps backwards before falling to the ground as my legs gave out. As I lay there, my heart rate began to slow, and I took a quick inventory of the state of my body. I gave a weak, humourless laugh.

_Tsunade's going to kill me,_ I thought. _I think I've ripped out my stitches again._

...

"Kaya!" Iruka yelled as he sprinted through the forest after Kakashi and Pakkun. The small dog led the way, following the scent of Kaya and Mizuki. Kakashi's jaw was tight with tension. He didn't say a word.

"They're up ahead." Noted Pakkun. Kakashi increased his speed, whipping past the silent trees. Iruka hastened his pace to match Kakashi's.

"Kaya!" Iruka called again. No reply. _This is all my fault!_ He reprimanded himself.

A clearing in the trees grew closer up ahead.

Suddenly, Kakashi was gone from his side.

"Kakashi's got her." Pakkun called to Iruka. "I'll be off then, if that's all I'm needed for." With that said, the ninja dog disappeared too, leaving Iruka to enter the clearing alone. As he reached the edge of the darkened field, he scanned the area for Kaya and Kakashi. At the sight of them, he stopped in his tracks. Iruka couldn't make out Kakashi's expression from here, but the tension in his body as he held her was clearly visible; his voice was alarmed. Concerned, Iruka began to jog over to the two shinobi. As he drew closer, a dark shape on the ground beside them caught his attention. He took a step forwards and knelt down beside the motionless body on the ground. As he recognized the steely grey hair, he felt bile rising in his throat. He leant over and gagged by the body, reeling from the shock of seeing his childhood friend lying dead on the ground.

...

"Kaya, Kaya!" Kakashi pulled her onto his lap. It was an eerie reflection of the last time he'd found her this way. The look of relief on her face as he held her made him never want to let her go.

"Are you hurt?" He asked urgently, scanning her body for injuries. A shallow cut on her throat had dripped blood onto her shirt, and the dark stains on her thighs indicated that the stab wounds had opened up again, but other than that she seemed unharmed. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"What happened here?" He asked her. She looked down, ashamed.

"I killed him." She whispered. "I'm sorry. I tried to reason with him, but there was nothing I could say."

To the right, Iruka straightened up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Did he attack you?" He asked, forcing himself to regain his composure. Kaya pulled herself onto her hands and knees, using Kakashi as a support, and crawled over to the academy teacher.

"He was working for Orochimaru." She murmured gently to her friend. "I'm so sorry, Iruka. He tried to kill me. I'm so sorry. I will accept whatever consequences may come my way."

Iruka shook his head. He seemed to have regained some of his composure, and now he reached for Kaya and pulled her to his chest.

"He chose this for himself." He muttered as Kaya tried to stand. "It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I let this happen."

"Not your fault-" Kaya gasped as her legs collapsed beneath her, sending her falling straight back to the ground. Kakashi caught her with ease, lifting her into his arms.

"This is becoming a bit of a habit." He attempted to lighten the situation, joking about the many times he'd had to carry her. He glanced down at her face. To his surprise, instead of her usual pretty smile, her face was entirely blank. Her eyes stared unseeingly into his, as if she was trapped in her own memories.

"Kaya." He said. "Hey, Kaya!"

With a gasp, the girl burst back into consciousness, scanning his face quickly with wide eyes. _It must have been a rough night,_ he reasoned to himself. _She probably just needs to go to sleep._

As the three nin made their way back to the village, Kakashi carrying the girl in his arms, a sense of foreboding filled Kaya's heart.

...


	21. Chapter 21

_He was on top of me and suddenly he was inside of me and I couldn't move couldn't breathe and it hurt, it hurt and he hissed and shifted into a snake, and the snake wrapped around my body, around my chest, and squeezed the air from me, squeezed the oxygen from my lungs and -_

I cried out as I woke, panic filling my body. Just as every morning, I couldn't breathe. My chest was constricted, my head whirling with unwanted memories. I curled into a ball on my side, shivering as I slowly brought my breathing back to normal. The pictures which filled my mind were always a little harder to push away, but after several minutes I found I could discriminate between my memories and my surroundings. Ignoring the tremors which were only now beginning to subside, I climbed out of my single bed and stumbled to the bathroom down the hall. I retched drily into the sink before reaching across to turn on the shower.

The water was cold and unrelenting, but mildly soothing as I stood beneath the spray, tipping my head back to wash my face.

It had been three days since I moved back into the small apartment which Kurenai and I used to share. Every morning had been the same - waking from a restless sleep of nightmares, taking a cold shower, before dressing in my training gear and heading out to spar with Kakashi and Sakura.

My physical injuries were healed. Even the large wounds on my thighs had closed up after Mizuki's death, forming two ridged scars on my legs. Eventually, Tsunade-sama had had to let me leave, though I could tell she didn't like to. Every time I spoke to her, she fixed me with the same firmly concerned gaze. Shizune and Sakura were just the same, though Sakura hadn't said anything to me, as her senior in command. Always, Tsunade's conversation had turned to my time as a prisoner of Orochimaru. She would lead into it gently, encouraging me to talk to her; and then she would ask me about 'what happened with Kabuto'.

I never answered. It was as if the mere mention of his name caused me to lose my ability to speak. I would begin to shake, and the images of the world around me would blur together.

My fingers were slightly numb with cold as I climbed out of the shower, pulling a towel around my body. I brushed my teeth for a long time, trying to purge the metallic taste which often accompanied my nightmares.

I dressed robotically. Every morning for training I wore the same dark combat clothes.

At the front door, I glanced towards the kitchen. I hadn't eaten yet, and a small part of my brain told me to make breakfast before leaving. I pushed the thought aside, however. It was 7:00 am already. Lately, Kakashi's habit of being late for training had subsided, and if I didn't get to the training fields soon, I wouldn't have very long to run before Kakashi arrived. Sakura was even more punctual. Yesterday, she'd arrived ten minutes early to find me running laps of the field. The look she'd given me had told me exactly what she thought about my version of 'training in moderation'.

I locked the apartment door behind me and made my way through the winding streets as the residents of Konoha began to wake. The training grounds we'd been using this week were ones within the village, so it took me less time than usual to arrive at the empty field. I began my laps at a fast run, ignoring the soreness of my muscles from the previous day's sparring. As I completed the first few laps, my body began to warm up, and I was able to push my speed into a sprint. The burn of my muscles, the rhythmic pounding of my footsteps, the sound of my own pulse... all of it was strangely soothing, a routine distraction from my nightmares.

"Kaya!" From my right, I heard Sakura call out to me. I slowed to a jog and made my way over to where the pink haired kunoichi stood, arms crossed.

"You shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard already." She grumbled disapprovingly. She sounded so much like Tsunade-sama in that moment that I couldn't help but smile.

"It feels good to train again." I reassured her.

"Hmm." Was her skeptic reply.

"Morning." yawned Kakashi, appearing at Sakura's side. He rubbed his eyes blearily. "Isn't it a little early this morning?" He asked. Sakura and I exchanged a weary glance.

"We train at the same time every day, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura sighed, turning to the nin. "The only difference is that today you got here on time." Kakashi chuckled, raking a hand through his silver hair.

"Is that so." He smiled. As he brushed his hand through his hair, I couldn't help but want to twine my fingers through it once more, feel its unexpected softness on my hands.

We hadn't mentioned our kiss in the hospital since it had happened. Every time I'd seen Kakashi in the past few days, he'd offered me the same smile and light tone as he always had. It was as if nothing had changed at all - as if he just wanted to forget about it. I couldn't deny that that hurt, but I was a kunoichi. I was nothing if not capable of burying my own emotions.

"Shall we train, then?" I asked, forcing my own polite smile. The two shinobi nodded, both turning immediately serious.

"We'll start with formation C." Kakashi said, his voice taking on a commanding tone. Sakura and I stood side by side, Kakashi moving back to the centre of the field. His body with tensed defensively as he waited for us to launch our attack.

"You go to the left. I'll start with a genjutsu." I murmured to Sakura, sensing a sudden surge in her chakra as she concentrated the energy to her fists. She nodded. I focussed in on Kakashi, already weaving the threads of genjutsu, focussing my chakra on the flow of his.

"Let's go."


	22. Chapter 22

"Nice work today, both of you." Kakashi gave Sakura and I rare nod of approval. Beside me, Sakura grinned. The three of us stood together at the side of the field, sweaty, panting, sore, and thoroughly satisfied with today's training session. It had taken hours, but eventually Sakura and I had worn Kakashi down enough to land a hit. His stamina and speed never failed to surprise me; as did the fact that he was the only person I'd never been able to hold in genjutsu for more than several minutes.

"Anyway, I'm off!" Announced Sakura cheerfully, turning to leave. "I have to go see Tsunade-sama soon."

Kakashi gave a vague wave at her retreating back. As she disappeared from sight, silence fell between us.

"I guess I'll go-" I began.

"I was wondering if-" Kakashi spoke at the same moment, unintentionally interrupting me.

"Sorry, you go first." I kept my tone light. Kakashi looked down at the ground, running his hand distractedly through his hair.

"I was wondering if you'd like to come back to my apartment and have a talk." He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I..." I was surprised, frankly, that he wanted to talk to me at all anymore. "Okay." I agreed quietly, turning to lead the way from the field. He matched his pace with mine.

We walked almost in silence to his apartment. Once, he asked me how my injuries were healing.

"They're fine." I'd murmured, not wanting to discuss it anymore. After that, we'd both fallen silent. As we climbed the steps to his apartment block, my arm inadvertently brushed his. The contact sent a thrill of electricity down my arm. Kakashi shot me a strange look.

His apartment was the same as ever - inordinately clean, minimalistic, and without an excess of personal possessions. It seemed the only objects of sentiment which he kept were his Icha Icha novels, and the framed team photographs on his bookcase.

"Would you like some water, or tea?" He interrupted my scanning of his apartment. I laughed.

"It's strange to see you playing the host. Water would be great, please." He nodded and reached up to the top cabinet to pull out a glass. As he stretched his arm, the muscles on his back rippled beneath his black shirt. I took a step closer to him. He glanced at me in surprise, but continued to fill my glass up with water.

"Kakashi." I murmured, now only a few steps away from him. He turned round from the sink, and handed me the glass of water. I set it to the side. He raised an eyebrow.

"What did you ask me here to talk about?" I asked. It went against my nature to be so bold, but I was tired of sidestepping the issue now. He avoided my gaze.

"I wanted to talk about what happened in the hospital." He muttered. If this hadn't been the topic, if he and I weren't standing only a step apart in his small kitchen, if my stomach wasn't doing leaps just thinking about what happened in the hospital... Any other day, I would have laughed at his sulky demeanor. Today, however, my cleverly worded response was:

"Oh." Kakashi finally looked up and into my eyes.

"I'm truly sorry I did that to you." He began, rubbing his hand through his hair once more. He spoke as if reciting from a script he'd rehearsed earlier. "As your teacher, and your friend, I should have been more appropriate. I'm surprised you don't hate me now, to be honest." I stared at him incredulously.

"What is it?" He asked, frowning at my disbelief.

"You think..." I whispered, "that I didn't want that?"

He stared at me in shock.

"I wanted to kiss you." My voice trembled. "I feel safe with you, and warm, and like I can do anything. I wanted to kiss you- I do want to kiss you." I finished at a whisper. I hoped he couldn't hear my heart pounding swiftly in my chest. My hands shook at my sides.

I couldn't ignore the pain in his eyes as he continued to stare at me. I closed the gap between us, wrapping my arms around his waist. I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes. He smelt of grass and rain.

"Don't be sad." I whispered into the cotton of his shirt. Kakashi's body tensed in surprise.

Slowly, hesitantly, I felt Kakashi wrap his arms around my shoulders. He held me gently at first, but as the moment stretched on, he held me tighter. I felt his heart rate began to slow and settle, and his body relax.

We stood like that for a long time, in silence. When eventually we did pull apart, Kakashi brushed a tendril of hair back from my face.

"Is this okay?" He asked quietly. I nodded. He twined his fingers gently in the hair at the back of my head, and placed his other hand on the small of my back.

"Is this okay?" He murmured huskily again, pulling me closer. I nodded. He leaned down till he was only centimetres from my face.

"Is this-" I cut him off, reaching up to pull away his forehead protector and mask. He let me, his eyes wide and uncharacteristically innocent as I revealed his swirling sharingan, his beautiful pale skin and perfect features. I didn't have much time to marvel at his beauty, however, because before I knew it he had crushed his lips to mine, pulling me into an intense, dizzying kiss. I gave a tiny moan as his tongue flicked over mine, and pressed my body closer to his.

I ran my hands over his stomach to rest on his chest, feeling the hard planes of his muscles beneath my fingertips. The kiss quickly became more passionate, as Kakashi pushed as back so that I was leaning against the kitchen bench. Without breaking the kiss, he slid his hands down to my waist and lifted me onto the countertop, so that I was sitting, facing him. Now that we were at the same height, I entwined my fingers in his soft hair, pulling him closer to me. He gave an involuntary groan.

I was growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen, my whole body tingling with electricity, when suddenly he pulled away. I opened my eyes in disappointment, searching his face for the regret which I had seen the last two times we'd kissed. Instead, he had a soft smile on his face, his hands still wrapped in my hair.

"Wha-" I started, but he shook his head for me to be quiet. From the hallway, I heard a quiet knock on the front door. I cast out for a sense of the person's chakra, and realised it was Sakura. _Oh,_ I realised, feeling stupid._ Kakashi must have sensed her before I did._

He disentangled himself from me, pulling his mask and forehead protector back on in one swift movement - not before I caught a glimpse of his amused smile, however. I fought back the urge to laugh at his expression.

He lifted me off the bench, placing me gently on my feet. I smoothed my hands through my hair hurriedly, before following him to the door. Kakashi opened it first, adopting a quizzical manner.

"Sakura?" He asked. "What are you doing here?" From anyone else, those words may have seemed rude, but Kakashi had never been very adept at welcoming others to his house.

"Sorry to bother you, Kakashi-sensei, but I'm looking for Kaya, have you see- Oh!" Sakura looked slightly surprised to see me walk up beside Kakashi. I was careful not to touch him in front of her. I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Were you looking for me?" I asked. Sakura glanced between the two of us in confusion.

"Yes." She replied. "The Hokage wants to see you as soon as possible." I nodded, stepping around Kakashi to join her.

"I'll come right away." I smiled at her reassuringly. She nodded, beginning to walk towards the steps already. I turned to Kakashi, and he gestured for me to follow her. I smiled to myself as I took to the steps.

We'd been walking several minutes when Sakura grabbed my arm, turning to me.

"So," she began conspiratorially. "Has he kissed you yet?" I stared at her in shock.

"Wha- why would you think that- We're not-" I stammered. Sakura laughed.

"It's okay." She reassured me. "Ino and I saw it coming ages ago. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone!"

With that said, she pulled me down the road by my wrist, a slight skip in her step.

...


	23. Chapter 23

Sakura left me at the door, with a directive to "go straight in". As I entered the Hokage's office, I was greeted with a grim sight. Tsunade stood behind her desk with her arms crossed, frowning angrily. Shizune stood nervously to the side. The man who truly captured my attention, however, was Danzo. I'd only ever spoken to him before when relaying information from a mission to the council. He stood tensely in front of the Hokage's desk, leaning on his staff. I could tell by the stubborn set of Tsunade's eyebrows that he was the cause of her agitation.

I quickly sunk into a low bow at the sight of the two officials.

"Ah, Kaya, thank you for coming so fast." Tsunade sighed, beckoning for me to come closer.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama." I said.

"The reason for calling you here is that Danzo has a _proposition_ for us." The way she said 'proposition' made me think that perhaps she wasn't very fond of his idea, whatever it may be.

"I can take over from here, Tsunade." Danzo interrupted, his voice rough and harsh. Instinctively, my eyes widened to see him disrespect the Hokage. Tsunade's eyebrow twitched in irritation, but she let him speak.

"I am recruiting you to ANBU." He stated bluntly. "I will need you to undertake reconnoissance missions as part of a team of recon shinobi. You will then be working under my orders as an ANBU."

I glanced at Tsunade, shocked.

"That is not an order, Kaya." She reassured me, glaring at Danzo. "You're still under my jurisdiction right now, and as I already said to Danzo, you've only just recovered from another recon mission." Danzo ignored her, turning to look at me, stone-faced.

"However," He began, "if it's not you who-"  
"Danzo!" Tsunade barked, cutting him off. I glanced between the two in confusion.

"If it's not me who takes it, then what?" I asked, concerned.

"If it's not you who takes it, the Hokage will either have to send one of your friends, or have no one on the team who isn't in Root Division." Danzo continued unperturbed. "Protocol advocates for any elite team I establish to have at least one of the Hokage's own on it."

I looked to Tsunade for verification. Her silent glare gave me the answer I needed.

"What are the duties of the team?" I asked quietly.

"Kaya!" Tsunade frowned. "I want you to consider this properly. The team in question is a high risk one. The fatality rate will be high, and the missions will be very dangerous." Beside me, Danzo nodded gravely.

"That is true." He intoned, barely glancing at the Hokage, who was fuming. "However, it is an honour to be asked to join ANBU's elite. I'll leave you to make your decision. Tsunade, get an answer to me today." He left without bowing. I stared at the place where he had stood only moments before.

...

Tsunade lowered herself back into the chair she'd discarded upon Danzo's arrival. Sighing, she bridged her hands, leaning her chin against them.

"Take a seat." She gestured towards the chair on the other side of the desk. Kaya sat down numbly, only just registering the events of the previous few minutes. Tsunade resisted the urge to rub her eyes tiredly. She fixed the girl across from her with a firm gaze.

"This job isn't for everyone." She began wearily. "Danzo is putting together the team to take on recon missions I wouldn't give to Konoha shinobi. They aren't like your usual missives; You would have to kill, a lot. The only reason I'm even involved is that special ANBU teams which aren't directly under Root Division must have at least one of my own shinobi on it. It reduces the risk of corruption amongst the team, and ensures that I get all the same information that Danzo does."

Kaya nodded mutely.

"I didn't suggest you for the team." Tsunade continued, a hint of frustration returning to her voice. "Danzo requested you after reading the outcome of your last mission. He seemed to think your innovativeness in giving Ino the information would be useful on the team."

Kaya bit her lip as she considered what Tsunade had said.

"You need someone you can rely on?" She asked quietly.

"What? Oh, yes." Tsunade replied, pulling her focus back to the black haired kunoichi. Kaya nodded resolutely.

"You can count on me not to betray you." She spoke firmly. "I'll join the team."

...

Kakashi lay back on his single bed, feeling more relaxed than he had been in months. He could still smell the sweet scent of her shampoo on his shirt, could still feel the phantom touches of her hands on his chest.

A quiet knock on the door had him on his feet and heading down the hallway. He knew it was her; his sense of her chakra was stronger than his sense of anyone else's. He opened the door and let her inside, smiling to himself as he closed it behind her.

"What did the Hokage want?" he asked as she removed her shoes. The cramped hallway forced him to be at such close proximity to her that he could smell her hair again. She padded down the hallway towards the main room, her hair waist long swishing gently behind her. He began to follow.

"She just assigned me to a new recon team with ANBU." She called over her shoulder. Kakashi frowned in consternation.

"ANBU?" He asked. She hummed her assent. Kakashi turned the corner into the kitchen.

"I didn't think Tsunade would reassign you when you're only just recovering from the last mission." He didn't mention that her recovery had also been hindered by Mizuki's manipulation. The name was taboo around her at the moment, as he and the rest of her comrades had quickly picked up on.

"She didn't really want to, but she needed to place someone on a team which Danzo assembled." Kakashi nodded, but found himself slightly distracted by the sight of her leaning against the kitchen counter, framed by the late afternoon sun which streamed through the window behind her. She caught and held his gaze. A small smile curved at her lips - a smile which he'd seen too rarely since she was captured, Kakashi noted.

"Maybe we should talk about it later." She murmured. As he crossed the kitchen to hold her, Kakashi was only too happy to acquiesce.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Hey guys! Thankyou to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. This chapter contains some violence, so please read at your own discretion. Reviews are really appreciated as they help me to stay focussed on the story. Hope you enjoy! xx**

My muscles tensed and flexed as I soared from tree to tree, pushing my speed to its limits. Beside me, two of my comrades emulated my movements, jumping from branch to branch. They were fast, only slightly slower than me, as expected of ANBU agents. Below us, our captain was racing along the ground, sprinting to get far enough from the explosive tags he'd left behind him so as not to be burnt himself. Despite the imminent threat of the pursuing nin behind us, I felt braver and stronger than I had in weeks. Training with the Root Division shinobi had been fast paced and vigorous, and our first mission was turning out to be no different.

"Stop ahead and hide." was my captain's hissed command as he joined the three of us in the trees. I nodded quickly, and heard two more hums of assent from my right. From behind us, a thunderous bang signalled the release of the explosive tags. We took hold of the opportunity which the distraction allowed us, and used the moment to hide; each of us stopped mid-jump and leapt to the side to find a space to conceal themselves.

I jumped lithely upwards to grab hold of a branch which was particularly hidden by leaves. Using my abdominal muscles, I swung myself up so that I was balanced on top of it, hidden in the dense foliage. I drew a kunai and held it at the ready. If our captain's calculations were correct, the enemy nin would be beneath us in seconds. From the direction which we had just come from, I heard the slightest snap of a twig; a sharp breath; a footstep which squeaked slightly on the grass beneath it.

We didn't need a signal to attack as the nin finally came into sight. All of us knew that the objective of this mission was to leave no enemies who may know who had stolen their scroll. There were five of them, all moving quite fast. I counted again. _Hadn't there been six before?_ Shaking the thought from my head, I readied myself for the attack. As soon as the group passed beneath our hiding places, we dropped onto their backs. I launched myself down to the earth, landing with my legs locked around the shoulders of one of the enemy nin. He was big and muscular, and roared at the sudden weight of me on his back and shoulders. I slit his throat quickly.

Three of the other nin were on the ground, their throats cut as well. Only one still stood, and he was being backed into a corner by the only other woman on our team. She darted forwards with a speed which rivalled mine, and stabbed him in the stomach. He barely resisted, seeming to know he couldn't escape at this point.

"Good work." Said our captain lowly, his rough voice carrying around the clearing to each of us. The blue-haired woman knelt to the ground and wiped her kunai on the grass, staining the green shoots red with scarlet blood. The thin, wiry man to my right nodded and began to pull bottles of corrosive agent from his pouch, making his way to the first body.

I didn't know much about my teammates - after all, I'd heard that in Root Division, agents didn't even have real names. My captain was tall, brown-haired and rough. The name he'd given me was 'Kinoto', though I was sure that wasn't his real name. The blue haired woman, Tera, was very skilled, from what I'd seen in our mission so far. She was fast and cold-hearted. She didn't seem to feel a thing when she killed her opponents, though of course I couldn't see her face to tell behind the mask. The man in charge of disposing of any bodies we were left with on our missions was Terai. He was of a slighter build, with black hair and an unassuming stance. I knew from watching his coldly efficient kills, however, that his strikes were fatal. Of the three team members, he set my nerves the furthest on edge.

As Terai knelt by the man I'd killed, I heard the faintest rustling from behind our captain's shoulder. Kinoto was preoccupied, searching his pouch to make sure he still had the stolen scroll secured. By the time the sixth enemy nin leapt from behind him, eyes wild with fury at the sight of his dead teammates, it was too late for Kinoto to counter the attack. My body moved before my mind did. In a flash, I was between the enemy and my captain, plunging my already bloodied kunai into his heart. I gritted my teeth as he bellowed in pain, collapsing to the ground. He was dead in seconds. I fought the urge to retch, knowing I couldn't lose my composure in front of these people. As I turned back to the group, Kinoto gave me an approving nod. Tera and Terai didn't say a word.

I was suddenly glad for the cover my mask gave me. In that moment, I was sure my own disgust was written across my face. For the sake of the mission, and my comrades in Konoha, I could kill. I was no stranger to death; I'd been killing men since I was ten years old. What I couldn't stand was the complete disregard for human life which all Root Division shinobi seemed to possess.

The journey back to Konoha was carried out in silence. Fortunately we made it home before nightfall and didn't need to make camp. I wasn't so sure I could sleep peacefully next to these nin, though they'd shown no open animosity towards me. Konoha's commercial districts were already alight as we reentered the city's limits. The Root agents left quickly to report to Danzo. I travelled over the rooftops towards the Hokage's office. Below me, the lights of Konoha glimmered and shone in their various colours.

It was a condition of Tsunade's agreement to let me onto Danzo's team that despite it being a team primarily of Root Division agents, I was considered one of Konoha's ANBU, rather than one of Danzo's. Though the team itself was under his jurisdiction, I was not. The thought gave me some comfort when I awoke from my nightmares each morning, shaking even more than usual with the added guilt of being part of such a merciless team.

I reached the Hokage's office swiftly and knocked.

"Enter." Came Tsunade's call from inside. After I closed the door behind me, I bowed respectfully. The sight of Tsunade sitting in her usual position behind the desk, eyes bright, and Shizune smiling calmly beside her, sent a rush of relief through me. After spending the entire day with my new teammates, a familiar face which wasn't hidden by a mask felt like a blessing.

"Ah, Kaya, you're back." Tsunade smiled, gesturing for me to come to her desk. I removed my mask as I stood in front of her.

"I'm here to report on the mission." I murmured, my voice quiet and hoarse from hours without use.

"You can report tomorrow. Let Shizune do a quick medical check and then you should go home and sleep."

Shizune sat me down in the chair. I heard the hum of medical chakra as the green light spread from her fingers. Gently, she placed her hand on my chest, searching my body for injuries. I felt the reach of the chakra spread as she pushed it into my system. Several minutes later, she pulled away, satisfied.

"Aside from some bruises, she's not injured." Shizune informed Tsunade calmly. Tsunade nodded.

"Come back in the morning to make your report." She said to me. "Go and get some rest now."

I bowed once more as I left the office. Once again, I took the rooftop route through the city, preferring not be seen in ANBU gear. Before long, I was outside Kakashi's apartment.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: This chapter contains some references to shock and depression, so please read with care! Also, just letting you guys know that in the chapter after this one (Chapter 26), there will be a little lemon. If you are offended by sex scenes it probably won't be for you. Thanks lovelies! And if you have a minute, I'd really appreciate reviews. xx**

Kakashi was woken from his light slumber by a knock on the door. He rubbed his eyes blearily, a small smile reaching his eyes as he recognised the chakra at the front door. There was no need to put a mask back on, he realised. He pushed himself up from the bed and made his way across the room to the hallway, combing his hand through his bed hair as he walked. He was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he was wearing only his sweatpants. Briefly, he considered throwing on a shirt, but another knock at the door dispelled his thoughts. Kaya usually didn't knock more than once unless she was worried, he realised. Her strictly ingrained set of manners made sure of that.

He pulled open the door quickly, sweeping his eyes up and down her to check for injuries before placing a hand on her shoulder and gently pulling her inside. She seemed unharmed, as far as he could tell, but there was a slightly vacant look in her eyes which he had seen twice before: once on a mission when she was new to his team, and she'd had to kill a man while he slept; and in the hours following her rescue from Orochimaru's hideout.

As he closed the door behind her, she seemed to relax slightly, pulling her shoes off and leaving them by the door. She was still in full ANBU gear, her mask hooked onto her _katana_ at her back. He could see the brand new ANBU tattoo on her bicep, dark against her pale skin. Kakashi could feel the fragile tension in her body as he guided her down the hallway with a hand on her shoulder blade. He steered her into the main room and pushed her gently down on to his sofa, pausing to pull her _katana_ and mask from her back first so that they wouldn't dig into her as she sat.

"Thank you." She murmured.

Kakashi crossed the room quickly to the side which served as his kitchen, and flicked the kettle on. He was suddenly grateful for his strangely arranged apartment, in which his kitchen and bedroom were part of one main room with no doors between; it meant that he could keep an eye on her now without having to walk between rooms. As he paced back over to the sofa, he realised she was trembling slightly. He crossed to his bed and pulled the blanket from it.

"Kaya." He murmured to her as he knelt down next to the couch. "I'm going to take some of your gear off and give you some clothes, okay?" He didn't really expect a reply, but a quick nod of her head reassured him that she was mentally present, if only a little.

He unclipped her metal arm guards first and discarded them onto the floor beside him. Next he stood and leaned down to unclip her grey vest, which served as protection for her torso. The sight of the familiar padded armour brought back memories of his own days as an ANBU. Once he'd released the straps on her vest, he pulled the two sides up over her head, being careful not to brush against her face. The whole time, he'd made sure not to touch her skin more than was strictly necessary; in her slightly shocked state, he wanted to make sure that he didn't startle her more.

Finally she was in only her vest and dark mission pants. He hesitated then, unsure of how to proceed. She needed to warm up, that much he could tell from her shivering, but he didn't want to undress her without asking her. He briefly considered simply adding layers of his own jumpers to warm her up, but a quick glance at the blood which had soaked into her clothes proved that idea impossible.

Thankfully, she seemed to realise his problem. Her eyes widened as she took in her partially undressed state.

"Oh." She murmured, glancing down at her torso.

"I'll get you a shirt." Kakashi offered, before standing and walking over to the small set of drawers by his bed. As he rummaged around for a shirt which could double as a dress for her, he heard her shifting on the couch behind him. He seized one of his older jounin shirts, which was made of soft blue cotton that had stretched over time, and turned back to Kaya.

While he'd been turned away, she had stripped off her bloodstained vest and pants, and now stood shivering beside the couch, holding her clothes to her chest. Kakashi cleared his throat in surprise and quickly dropped his eyes to the ground. He crossed the room to her with eyes downcast respectfully, and handed her the shirt before turning away again to let her dress. He heard the rustling of fabric as she pulled the shirt on over her head.

"Thank you for this." She said quietly, stepping forward to place a gentle hand on his. He spun around to face her, holding onto her hand. The shirt fell to her mid-thighs.

"Are you okay?" he asked seriously, scanning her eyes for the truth. She nodded. Her eyes were too sad. He pulled her to his bare chest and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. She sighed into him.

"I had to kill so many people." She murmured sadly.

"It's okay." He soothed, working her hair from its ponytail with one hand. He pulled the tie loose and her hair fell around her, coming to rest at her waist. He kept rubbing slow circles on the small of her back, warming her up, till he felt her trembling body begin to relax into stillness.

"I need distracting." She murmured into his chest, lifting her head to gaze into his eyes. He froze as he read the question in her eyes, and the stirrings of lust began in his. And yet - the last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of her when she was clearly upset.

"I don't think now's the best ti-" She cut him off as she stroked her hand gently along his jaw, placing her other hand on the side of his face. She pulled him down gently to meet lips with hers, sending an electric jolt through his body and hers.

...


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hey guys! Just a reminder that this chapter does have a bit of a lemon in it, so read at your own discretion. Also, if you have a moment I really appreciate reviews! Especially on things which I could work on, I'm constantly trying to improve my writing so critical reviews (as long as they're not unnecessarily mean) are really appreciated. **

**I'm sorry it took an extra day to post this chapter but it's been a stressful week. Thanks guys! xx**

Despite his earlier protestations, Kakashi deepened the kiss quickly, sliding his hands down her sides to rest on her hips. She gave the tiniest moan as he bit gently on her lip. The sound was enough to get Kakashi hard, a fact which he tried to ignore as he went on kissing her. She tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged gently, stepping forward to push him back towards the bed. He stopped kissing her for a moment and fixed his gaze on hers, scanning her eyes.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He murmured, running his hands gently over the curves of her hips.

"I am." She stared back at him defiantly, daring him to say she was 'too young'. Kakashi bit his lip thoughtfully. By way of answer, he slid his hands to her waist and lifted her so that her legs were wrapped around his hips, her hands in his hair. He leant down to kiss her. In the same movement, he backed onto his single bed and lay down, pulling her on top of him.

Their kiss heated up quickly, hands running over each other's chests as the began to pull at their clothes frantically. Kaya slipped Kakashi's shirt over her head. She sat straddling his hips, naked except for her thin underwear. As he took in her rounded breasts, small pink nipples, and the small, flat plane of her waist, Kakashi's breath caught in his throat. She stared at him nervously.

He pulled her back down to him hungrily, twining his fingers through her hair as he kissed her neck. She gave a gasp of surprise as he bit her neck gently, grazing her skin with his teeth before flicking his tongue over the tiny red mark.

Unknowingly, she ground her hips against his, rubbing against his hard-on. Kakashi groaned and shuffled his body down the bed so that her breasts were level with his mouth. She leant her weight on her hands and elbows. He glanced at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes closed and her breathing fast and shallow.

Kakashi lifted his head slightly and flicked his tongue over her nipple, smiling at the hitch on her breathing. He sucked the tip gently, slowly, taking more and more in until he was sucking hard on her nipple, rolling it over his tongue.

"Kakashi!" She gasped. His own breathing quickened in response as he felt himself grow even harder, if that was fucking _possible._ In a flash, Kakashi had flipped them both over so that he was on top of her, resting on his hands and knees either side of her. Agonizingly slowly, Kakashi began to press light kisses down her body. He started at her neck and worked his way down, flicking his tongue lightly over her collarbones, and then her breasts, and then her stomach. Finally, he began to move even lower. Her body trembled slightly as he hooked his fingers under the top of her underwear, ready to slide it off. She began to shake.

He looked at her in alarm, taking in her wide and frightened eyes as she lay shaking beneath him. He quickly moved off her, and helped her to sit up.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry." She murmured, a tiny hitch in her voice. "I'm sorry, I have to go." He nodded, and averted his eyes as she stood and moved back to the sofa and began to change back into her own clothes. She bundled her _katana_, mask and arm and chest guards into one arm on the way to the front door.

"You can keep my shirt to get home-" He started, but by the time he was halfway through the sentence, the door was closing behind her. In the emptiness after she left, he sank back down onto the bed.

_Fuck,_ he thought. _How could I be so stupid? Of course she isn't ready for this._

Romance was an entirely new concept to him. Since Rin he'd only had sex with women on a one-time basis. There had been a period when he was in ANBU when he'd barely ever known the names of the women he was fucking. It had been robotic for him, something he did to fill the nights. He'd built up quite a reputation as well. At first, he had merely been trying to fill the void which Rin left behind; but, he had quickly realised, nothing could fill that void. Nothing, until he'd met Kaya. Of course he hadn't been attracted to her like _that_ at first. After all, she'd been only thirteen when they met. But even at that age he'd recognised the same pain in her, a sadness which she hid as well as he did. She'd always been so clever, so resilient that he couldn't help but feel proud of her. She was the first person he'd grown truly close with in years. And then when she'd grown up... In all honesty, she had knocked him over with how beautiful she was. And now he'd fucked everything up. _She was raped, you idiot._ He berated himself, hands balling into fists against his bedsheets. _She doesn't need you reminding her of how that felt._

...

I barely remembered the journey back to my apartment, though it wasn't very far. It wasn't until I'd stripped off my bloodstained ANBU clothes once more, leaving my protective gear in a pile on the bathroom floor, and stepped into a burning hot shower, that I began to make sense of my jumbled thoughts.

I was still trembling and cold despite the heat of the shower. Slowly, I sank to the ground, sitting beneath the hot stream of water with my knees drawn up to my chest. I stared blankly at the wall as steam began to rise up around me and fill the small room, fogging the mirror.

_You're safe,_ I repeated to myself dully inside my head. Nothing felt right.

...

Kurenai knocked twice on Kaya's apartment door, humming quietly to herself. No answer. She knocked again, a little louder this time. Still no answer. With a shrug, Kurenai pulled out her spare key to the apartment and unlocked the door, letting herself in. She could hear the shower running as she paced across the wooden landing to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She settled herself down on the sofa, smiling fondly to herself as she took in the unchanged settings of her old apartment.

"Kaya, I let myself in." She called, not wanting to startle her niece when she came out of the shower. There was no reply. She frowned slightly in consternation. Rising to her feet, she walked over to the bathroom door and knocked lightly.

"Kaya?"


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Finally, a chapter I'm happy with! I worked really hard on this one, I'm trying to develop the characters more, so I hope you guys like it! Reviews are always appreciated :)**

**Just a quick trigger warning, this chapter contains a small sex scene, as well as references to self-harm. **

"Kaya?" She called again. The walls of this apartment were thin enough that Kaya and Kurenai could usually hear one another even when one of them was in the shower. Straining her ears, Kurenai could hear the faintest of sobs coming from the shower.

She didn't think twice; quickly, she opened the bathroom door and stepped into a world of steam. The mirror had fogged up, the room full of evaporated water which clung to Kurenai's hair and clothes.

She strode swiftly over to the shower and opened the glass door. Kaya sat in a huddle on the floor, her wide eyes staring unseeingly at the wall. Kurenai reached across and turned off the shower at the tap, allowing the steam to begin to dissipate once the heat source had disappeared. She knelt down beside her niece, careful not to touch her yet. She'd seen this kind of shock on the battlefield before, seen shinobi lose their minds at the slightest touch, and so she knew to be careful making contact.

"Kaya, it's me. It's Kurenai." She kept her voice as firm and calm as she could. "Can you look up at me? It's okay, Kaya."

It took several minutes of talking, but finally Kaya seemed to recognise the woman in front of her. She lifted her eyes slowly, and fixed them on Kurenai. A spark of recognition lit the depths of her eyes. Kurenai breathed a deep sigh of relief. Now it was safe to help her out of the shower.

She rose and pulled a towel out of the cupboard under the sink, before kneeling back down beside the trembling girl on the shower floor. She wrapped the towel around Kaya's shaking shoulders.

"You're going to be fine, Kaya, okay?" She continued to talk soothingly to her as she lifted her from the shower, ignoring the water on the girl's body which quickly soaked into her clothes. She carried her quickly out of the bathroom and round the corner, pushing Kaya's bedroom door open with her elbow.

It was only as she crossed the room, carrying her, that she noticed the bloody red crescents on Kaya's arms. She frowned, but pushed the thought to the back of her mind until later.

She sat her down on the bed and began to dry her off with the towel, rubbing the material in small circles over her neck and torso, and then her legs. Once her body was dry, Kurenai turned to the girl's hair. She dried it off as best she could, rubbing the towel over the length of her hair.

Once she had finished with her hair, she quickly moved to find Kaya some warm clothes. Fortunately, Kaya's meticulously tidy, almost bare room did not leave her rooting around for clothes for too long. She found an old training shirt and a pair of sweatpants in one of the drawers on the opposite wall, along with some underwear.

Dressing the girl was easier than she'd imagined it would be. In her numb state, Kaya sat limply, allowing Kurenai to pull the clothes onto her without protest.

It was only once she was dressed and wrapped up in blankets on her bed that Kurenai allowed herself to relax slightly. At least now she knew that Kaya was warm enough. She sat beside her on the edge of the bed.

Now that she was lying down, Kurenai could examine the marks on her arms.

"Can I see your arms, Kaya?" She asked gently.

At first the girl didn't respond. Several long moments later, she nodded numbly. Kurenai slipped her hand under the blankets and held Kaya's wrist gently, pulling it out to rest on top of the blanket.

Many shallow, crescent-shaped cuts adorned the girl's wrist, some of them days old and some of them fresh, and still bleeding. It was obvious she had done it herself, the cuts being the same shape as her fingernails. Kurenai's heart clenched. She slipped Kaya's arm back under the blankets

"You did this, hey?" Kurenai asked. Kaya nodded. "Why?"

Once more, Kurenai was answered with silence. She nodded sadly.

"Go to sleep, Kaya." She murmured, brushing a stray tendril of hair off the girl's face.

"Thank you." She whispered back, eyes already closing drowsily. As her breathing evened and slowed, Kurenai stood and made her way out of the apartment, double locking the door behind her. _It's too late to see the Hokage now_, she decided. _I'll have to go in the morning._

...

Kurenai let herself into her own house quietly, not wanting to wake Asuma. She sat for a moment, pulling off her shoes, before rising with a sigh. She locked the front door behind her and made her way straight to the bedroom, pulling off her dress as she walked. The bedroom was dark when she opened the door, her lover lying asleep in the bed. She discarded her dress on the floor, followed by her bra and underwear. Naked, she crawled into bed, pulling the blanket over her and resting her head on Asuma's bare chest. She draped one arm over him and closed her eyes.

"Mm...Baby?" Asuma's sleepy voice sounded as he woke, pulling her closer to him. Kurenai pressed a kiss to his chest in answer. Wider awake now, Asuma held the back of her knee and pulled her on top of him, running his hands down the bare backs of her thighs. She kissed his neck softly in response, humming in pleasure as one of his hands slipped beneath her thighs to rub her clit slowly.

"Oh!" She gasped at the feel of one of his fingers slipping inside her. She rocked her hips against his hand, wanting to feel more of him in her. Until now, she hadn't realised that this was exactly what she needed.

Asuma slipped a second finger inside her and began to scissor the two fingers, giving a groan of his own as she began to gasp rhythmically. Quickly, he pulled his fingers out. She mewled in distress at the loss of him inside her, but he quickly held onto the hollows of her hips, and settled her so that she was straddling his. He positioned his member at her opening and pushed inside her quickly, immediately beginning to move her up and down along his length. She moaned and panted, arching her back and throwing her head back in the dark.

"Asuma..." she moaned. At the sound of her voice, he bucked his hips up to push harder into her, moving faster and harder now. Her gasps increased to become cries of pleasure as he pounded into her.

All at once, she reached her orgasm, and she came in waves of fitful pleasure around his cock. He felt the walls of her passage clench around him, and with a cry of his own, he released inside her, clutching her hips tightly.

They came down from their collective high together, as she slowly pulled off him and he wrapped her in his arms, letting her rest against him.

They fell into slumber together. As she fell asleep, pressed against the warm, reassuring heat of the man she loved, Kurenai realised she needn't look after Kaya alone. Asuma would be there too. She could count on him.


	28. Chapter 28

I woke shaking and panting from my nightmares once again. Crawled from my bed. Showered in cold water. Dressed myself in my ANBU gear. Left for the ANBU training grounds.

The routine was so ingrained in my head at this point, the robotic movements of my morning so etched into my skull, that it was almost completely thoughtless.

The day before, I had woken to find Kurenai and Tsunade in my apartment. Tsunade had insisted on healing the tiny cuts on my arms, and had scheduled me for a psychological evaluation today. I wasn't planning on going.

I reached the large, underground complex which was the base of Root Division in record time. Since I'd joined the team, I'd been training with them there. The stone training rooms, laden with hidden traps of their own, had been a surprising change from the grassy training fields which Kakashi and I had frequented in the past. The sparring sessions were more vigorous, too.

Our four man team had a training session scheduled for an hour from now, but I'd purposely arrived early on purpose; I planned to speak with Danzo.

As I approached the main bridge which spanned across the centre of Root's underground compound, I was stopped by two masked shinobi. Though the members of Root had grown used to my presence in the last week or so, I still could not totally avoid suspicion here, especially when I was taking a different path from my usual one. Unlike them, I kept my ANBU mask clipped to my back, resting next to my _katana,_ unless it was required for a mission. This alone, I had found, was enough to rouse suspicion amongst the Root Division shinobi.

"What is your business here?" The taller man asked pointedly. I gave a small bow before answering.

"I need to speak to Danzo-sama." I tried to keep my voice as calm and confident as possible, though it came out sounding too quiet.

"That's not possible. Danzo-sama is busy." The man replied, clearly expecting me to turn and leave. I was close to doing just that, when a voice rang out from behind the two shinobi.

"She's fine. Let her through." Danzo called, leaving no room for argument.

"Hai!" Returned the two men, both turning and bowing lowly to their master, who stood several metres back. I sunk into a low bow as well, before straightening up and hurrying past the two nin, who held their silence.

"Thank you, Danzo-sama." I murmured upon reaching him. He gave a curt nod.

"Why do you need to see me?" He asked. We began to walk back the way he'd came, into his own quarters. I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves.

"I realise I'm in no position to make requests," I began. "but I was wondering if you could assign me to a mission today."

Danzo shot me a curious look, pausing to open a sliding door into a room which I suspected was his office. A masked man stood slightly to the side of his door, and bowed as Danzo walked past. I assumed he was a guard posted to protect the contents of the office.

We entered the room, and I slid the door shut behind me. When I turned back to face Danzo, his one eyed-gaze was fixed on me.

"Why would I do that?" He asked, his interest obviously piqued. I swallowed. This was the part I'd been dreading.

"I'd rather not say why." I murmured, hoping my voice wouldn't shake. "Only that I want to be out working at the moment, and as I'm on this team, I'm no longer taking regular missions."

Danzo considered me for a moment, his visible eye narrowing as he scanned my face. Finally he hummed, seemingly liking what he found there.

"I'll assume this has something to do with your psychological evaluation which you're meant to go to today." He stated drily. I felt my eyes widen in surprise.

"How do you know about that?" I asked, slightly shaken.

"There's not a thing that goes on in this village which I don't know about." He replied, pacing over to his desk to seat himself behind it.

"Fortunately for you, it doesn't matter how damaged you are in Root Division. I don't care if you are unstable, as long as you finish the mission. And I do have a mission which I can send your team on today."

"Thank you, Danzo-sama." I replied, bowing once more. "What is the mission?" I was acutely aware that he wasn't assigning us to this mission merely on my request; he must have been considering it already. However, I wasn't about to question the only chance I had to get out of a psychological evaluation.

He ignored me for a moment, sifting through a pile of papers on his desk to find the one he was looking for.

"Dajimu!" he barked. The man on guard outside quickly slid the door open and entered the office, bowing as he did so.

"Yes, Danzo-sama." He replied.

"Find Tera, Terai and Kinoto, and bring them here immediately." He ordered. Dajimu nodded and left immediately.

In the silence that followed, neither of us spoke. The minutes stretched on tensely as we waited for the rest of my team to arrive. My hands began to tremble a little. Though rationally I knew it wasn't, my request felt like a betrayal of Tsunade's trust. I knew she would realise I was avoiding the psychological evaluation, and the last thing I wanted was for her to lose her trust in me.

Thankfully, my wandering mind was saved as the three other members of my team entered the office, already masked, each sinking into their own bow before straightening to stand beside me. Danzo launched into the details of our mission without preamble.

"I'm assigning your team to a mission today." he began. "It will be a longer mission than your last one, lasting for at least three weeks. You should be prepared for casualties." he paused as each of us nodded.

"Infiltrate Iwagakure. Two of you will disguise yourselves as Stone shinobi and gather information that way, and the other two will work behind the scenes, finding the secrets which are kept in the shadows." At his last words, I glanced up. He caught and held my gaze.

"Make sure Kaya is working behind the scenes." He ordered, flickering his glance quickly to Kinoto. Our captain nodded his assent without asking any questions. Perhaps for my benefit, Danzo continued, answering the question in my mind without me having to ask.

"The last thing we need is her showing any emotional instability in front of the Stone shinobi." He explained harshly. I flinched slightly. He ignored me.

"The object of the infiltration is to gather information on the particle style, a kekkai tota which I have a particular use for. There is currently only one shinobi who is known to use it, and that is the Tsuchikage. However, others around him have knowledge of it. I want you to steal scrolls and information pertaining to it. That is all for now."

Danzo finished his instructions and rose to his feet.

"Take what you need, and leave immediately. You are dismissed."

...


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Sorry** **it took a couple of days this time guys! I'm going to try to update every day from now on. Thank you for reading all this time! You guys are wonderful xx**

I wasted no time in running back to my apartment, using the rooftops to get me home faster. Once there, I pulled my smallest black travel bag from one of my drawers. I knew I had to travel light, as all ANBU shinobi were instructed to do. I threw several undershirts and pairs of underwear into the bag, and another pair of pants. Next was a small hairbrush and my toothbrush. I had no idea when I'd next be able to shower, if at all, so those small items were as much material comfort as I could glean at the moment.

Next I began to stock up my weapons pouch, slotting my sharpest kunai into the parallel spaces in the pouch. I briefly considered taking some senbon, but discarded the idea. I wasn't as skilled with senbon as with kunai, and I'd never been overly fond of the painful way in which the victims of the razor sharp needles died.

With my possessions packed, I had no time left to stall. I needed to see Tsunade before I left.

It was as I was on the way to the Hokage's office that I suddenly stopped. My heart hurt to turn around, but I knew I had to see him one last time before I left. Kakashi's apartment was only two rooftops away, and from here I could see his curtains were not drawn.

I bounded across the rooftops and took a leap down towards Kakashi's balcony. As I began to fall past it, I gripped to the edge of the balcony rail and swung myself silently over to land on his balcony. Steeling my heart, I gazed through the window at him.

He lay asleep on his single bed in only his vest and sweatpants, his hair mussed and mask slightly skewed. I stared for a moment at the gentle rise and fall of his chest. My eyes prickled behind my mask.

He began to stir from his sleep. By the time his eyes blinked blearily open, I was gone.

The journey to the Hokage's office was brief and uninterrupted. My quiet knock on her door seemed to echo through the whole hallway.

"Enter." Came her calm voice from within the room. I opened the door and let myself in, closing it quietly behind me. I did not remove my ANBU mask. I sunk into a bow for a moment before rising.

"Sorry to disturb you, Tsunade-sama." I murmured, making my way to stand in front of her desk.

"Kaya, why are you in ANBU gear?" She asked, her voice stern and concerned.

"Danzo-sama has assigned my team to a mission in Iwagakure, leaving immediately." I explained. She frowned.

"I wasn't informed of this." She said, turning to Shizune. "Was I given a report about this?"

Shizune grimaced, moving to sift through a stack of files on the corner of the Fifth's desk.

"You were given a report, but the mission wasn't scheduled for a few more days." Shizune replied, locating the file and pulling it from the pile. She handed it to Tsunade, who flipped it open. As she scanned the page, her face grew more and more concerned.

"Kaya, I don't want you on this mission." She stated abruptly, looking up from the report. "You're not well enough to be on a mission this dangerous right now. I'll talk to Danzo and tell him to send someone else."

"That won't be necessary." Danzo's rough voice rang out as he let himself into the office. "Kaya has already been assigned to the mission, under my orders. You don't have jurisdiction over this team, Tsunade."

"The hell I don't!" Tsunade raised her voice, standing up. "Kaya is not recovered, as you know, Danzo! You're sending them on a suicide mission as it is!"

"We need information!" He hissed, limping further into the office, his face stony. "This isn't your decision, _Hokage._"

Tsunade's hands clenched around the edge of the desk. I stood, frozen, as the two faced off, glaring at one another. I took a shaky breath.

"Tsunade-sama." I murmured. She took a deep breath and released the edge of the desk, letting some of the tension leave her body. She looked at me, scanning my eyes through my mask.

"I will go, to help the village." I said, pulling my mask off. "Please let me go. I'll return alive, I promise."

She stared at my eyes for another moment, searching them. Finally, she broke eye contact with a sigh.

"Danzo." She growled, glaring at him once more. "I want Kaya back alive."

He held his silence for a moment.

"Of course." He said finally, his face unreadable. He turned and left the office, leaving the door open behind him.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama." I bowed deeply, relief clear in my voice. "I'll do my best." As I turned and began to leave, I felt a hand on my wrist. I turned around to find Tsunade resting her hand on my arm, her face conflicted. She was silent for a long moment, before finally looking into my eyes. Her gaze was gentler than usual.

"Take care of yourself out there." She said, letting go of my arm. I nodded and pulled my mask back on. I left quickly, before I could cry.

...

Kakashi lay atop his bedsheets, his chest rising and falling gently as he slept. In his dream-filled haze, he felt something in his heart clench, felt a flicker of sadness. Slowly, he began to wake. His eyes blinked open blearily as he was brought back to the world of consciousness. He was momentarily blinded by the sunlight which streamed through his window.

With a small groan, he closed his eyes once again, rolling onto his side to escape the brightness of the light. He lowered his feet to the ground and sat up on the edge of the bed, lifting his arms over his head in a deep stretch. Eyes now adjusted to the light, he made his way to the kitchen to make coffee. The ache in his heart stayed with him as he went about his morning, something which even the bitter warmth of his coffee couldn't dispel.

...


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Hey guys, I am so, so sorry this one took so long! There's a problem with my account at the moment where it's not letting me upload new chapters, though I've found a way around it. I hope you like this one! Some reviews would be really appreciated, I'm trying to improve the story and any advice is welcome. Thanks guys! xxx**

"We'll travel in a square formation, each person about ten metres apart from the next. That way, in the event of an attack we won't all be close enough that they could wipe us all out at once. Let's move." Kinoto's instructions were short and clear as we began our journey to Iwagakure. We fell quickly into formation, running at a steady pace through the forest. Kinoto led the group, flanked on the left by Terai. I took the right side, and Tera brought up the rear. We ran silently and without stopping.

After several hours of running, the landscape began to blur into one endless canvas of the same types of trees, the occasional stream and patch of boulders. The days were growing colder around this time of year, and despite the heat which I generated while running, I still felt the occasional cold shiver. Still, we kept running.

We ran until the sky began to darken, the trees becoming nothing more than indistinguishable black shapes around us. Over the past several hours, the terrain had become more rocky and less lush, the trees further apart, the ground peppered with stones, and the sight of streams and rivers more frequent. I had never been to the Land of Earth before, much less to Iwagakure itself, but I knew we must be close to the border for the terrain to be so changed.

Once the sun had set, Kinoto called us to a halt.

"We'll stop here for the night." He ordered, indicating the close ring of trees which we were standing in. Tera and Terai claimed a tree each immediately, sitting down on the ground with their backs against the trunks. I followed suite, pacing over to a smaller tree and settling myself down against it.

We ate our food pills in silence, without a fire or the usual cheerful banter I'd grown used to on missions. I felt a small rush of relief as I took off my mask.

"Kaya, take first watch. I'll take the second." Kinoto ordered me as we settled in to sleep.

"Okay." I replied quietly. The other three had brought blankets, obviously used to the cold nights and lack of a campfire. I shivered as they dropped off to sleep, regretting my decision to pack my hairbrush instead of a blanket in the small space I had. I blew on my hands to warm them up.

My watch passed uneventfully. When it was time to wake Kinoto, I barely had to brush his shoulder before he was wide awake and sitting upright. I jumped at the sudden movement. He ignored me.

I crawled back to my tree and fell into a disturbed sleep, still shivering.

...

_It's so, so dark and I can't see a thing and all I can hear is laughter, hissing and laughter, and there must be a light somewhere there must be but oh god oh god no it's him I can feel him here and he's grabbing me and shaking me and he hisses into my ear -_

_"Where are your eyes, Kaya?" and I know he's taken my eyes and now he's moving between my legs and -_

"Kaya!" a voice called. I burst into consciousness, my whole body trembling and my breaths coming in shaky gasps. Beside me, Tera was crouched down, her face impassive. Her eyes scanned mine as I brought my breathing back to normal, their contents unreadable. I thought I saw a flicker of wariness in their blue depths, but as soon as she blinked, it was gone.

"We have to get going soon." She said shortly, rising to her feet and crossing over to wake the others.

I rose to my feet as well, working to hide my shaking from the others. Kinoto surveyed the three of us before glancing at his watch.

"We leave in ten minutes." He stated. Tera and Terai nodded. Tera began to head off in the direction of the nearest stream, and I hurried to follow her. She didn't speak as I fell into step beside her, but gave me the tiniest of nods. I smiled in return. Though she didn't smile back, I felt the nod had been a victory of sorts.

We reached the stream, and I immediately went to the water's edge to wash my face. The cold water brought an edge back to my consciousness and cleared my mind of the last dredges of my nightmare.

I brushed my teeth quickly, and Tera did the same. By the time we'd both finished it was time to head back to Kinoto; we did so in silence. I pulled on my mask as we walked.

The four of us fell back into the formation we'd used yesterday, picking up our journey at the same pace. As we ran, my body began to warm up once again, my muscles adapting to the familiar action. Over the next few hours, the terrain grew even more rocky, the trees becoming sparse and leafless. As the air grew colder, I realised that we were climbing higher in increments, heading towards a mountain range in the distance. At the point that we passed the border from the Land of Fire to the Land of Earth, Kinoto pulled our formation in closer so that we were running as one group.

Around mid afternoon we stopped, briefly, for water and more food pills.

"Is it far to Iwagakure?" I asked Kinoto. He shook his head, and pointed to the mountains I had noticed earlier.

"We'll have to camp again tonight, but we should reach the village by midday tomorrow." He replied. I nodded.

When the sun began to set, several hours later, we stopped once more, this time to make camp. The trees were so bare and scarce at this point that we ended up finding a rocky overhang by a river, and stopping there. I settled down to sleep against the stone wall of the overhang, and attempted to ignore the biting cold which was creeping in on me.

"First watch, Tera." Kinoto informed the blue-haired kunoichi. She nodded. I closed my eyes and hoped for sleep to come. Around me, I heard the two men's breathing regulate and slow into the pattern of sleep. I couldn't stop shivering.

Without warning, I felt something light and soft hit my side. I started upright, instinctively pulling a kunai from a holder on my leg. I glanced down at whatever had landed on me, only to find that it was a rolled up blanket. Bewildered, I glanced over at Tera for an explanation. She raised one brow impressively and shrugged.

"Is this yours?" I asked quietly, completely confused. I sheathed my kunai.

"It's a spare. It would endanger the mission for you to die of hypothermia on the way there." She explained, her voice devoid of emotion. I stared at her for one long moment, trying to figure out if this was a trick. She rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Thank you." I said, unrolling the blanket and spreading it over myself. She ignored me.

...

I slept in short bursts, waking every twenty or so minutes. Some nights I slept like this to avoid the nightmares. By the time it was my turn to take watch, I felt only slightly more rested than when I'd first fallen asleep. Although the rest of the night passed uneventfully once more, I couldn't shake my own creeping sense of foreboding.

...


	31. Chapter 31

We arrived at the foot of the mountain range just as Kinoto had predicted, when the sun was high in the sky. Though the air was cold and the frost was still crunching underfoot, we were all slightly sweaty from our ascent up the final hill. It was at that point, only a kilometre or so from Iwagakure itself, that our team captain called us to a halt.

"From this point onwards, we won't be able to discuss the mission at all." He began, fixing his gaze on each of us in turn.

"Terai and I will be the ones to infiltrate the Stone shinobi. To do so, we'll need to kill two mid-ranking nin and use a henge to take on their appearances."

His cold and calculated discussion of the two shinobi's deaths sent a sick shudder through my body, but I didn't say a word.

"Tera and Kaya will disguise themselves as civilians and get information from the criminals who hide in the streets. Iwagakure is notorious for its large amounts of nin who double as criminals, and give away village secrets for money." His voice had an edge of disgust.

"Try not to kill them, as they do have jobs as shinobi as well. The last thing we need is to bring down attention on us. Kaya's genjutsu will be particularly useful for that." Tera and I nodded. Kinoto handed us each a small purse filled with coins.

"Tera and Kaya, you'll need to look like civilians. We'll move on in an hour. Meet back here then." We left, shouldering our packs, to find a place to wash and change.

Tera and I found a partially frozen river after only a few minutes of walking. The edges were crusted with ice, the water freezing to the touch. I undressed quickly, averting my eyes as Tera did the same. This time a few days ago, I wouldn't have imagined I'd be jumping naked into a river with a shinobi from Root Division; now, though, I wasn't at all concerned about doing just that. I climbed onto a rock, and jumped.

The water was bracingly cold, slamming into me like a wall of ice. As I swam up to the surface I felt numbness setting into my limbs quickly, pins and needles sparking through my body. I gasped as my head broke above the water, and somewhere to my left I heard Tera do the same. I could just imagine what Sakura would be saying to me right now - something along the lines of "do you really want hypothermia _again?_", most likely.

Shivering, but more awake than I had been in days, I stumbled out of the river, wringing my hair out quickly.

"C-can you use fire-style?" Tera asked as she left the water too, her voice hoarse with cold. I shook my head regretfully.

"Only water style." I replied with a grimace. "Can you?"

"Badly. It's my third element." She muttered. "It'll have to do, though."

She took a quick look around, settling on a small log which lay several metres from the water's edge. I watched with wide eyes as she formed the hand signs with numb fingers. She take a shaking breath and blew through one open fist, breathing a small burst of fire onto the log. For a moment, it looked as if it wouldn't catch; with a small crack, it finally caught alight, settling into a steady burn. I breathed a small sigh of relief as I walked closer, feeling the circle of heat from the flames expand to include me.

After a moment, I walked back over to my pack, feeling the absence of heat as soon as I left the circle of fire. In my peripheral vision, I saw Tera kneel down beside her pack as well, pulling out clean clothes.

The clothes I had brought were simply dark cotton shirts and pants, which I pulled on gratefully over my underwear, exulting in the warmth which they brought. I was suddenly glad that Sakura had convinced me to start wearing closed in shoes, rather than the standard mission sandals - I didn't think it was very practical to be walking around in sandals at this temperature. I pulled on my socks and boots, and finally removed my hairbrush and toothbrush from the bag.

When I strode back over to the fire, Tera was dressed too, though her clothes were considerably warmer than mine. I began to run the hairbrush through my hair, combing out the tangles which had built up in the past two days. I was the first to break the silence.

"I only know one other person who can use three element styles." I murmured, forcefully pushing my thoughts from Kakashi. Tera was silent for a long moment, and I thought she wouldn't reply. Finally, she flashed her gaze to mine, before looking down again.

"I'm still learning fire style." She replied. I nodded, dropping the subject. My damp hair now brushed through, I offered her the brush. She hesitated for a moment before taking it from me, pulling her own blue hair from its ponytail.

I stood and made my way back to the water's edge to brush my teeth.

When I was finally clean and dry, I repacked my bag and picked up my _katana_.

"What will we do with our things?" I asked Tera, turning to her. She considered for a moment.

"Take out the money and hide one kunai on your person. Then give it to me." I complied, taking out the items I needed and giving the rest to her when she held her hand out for my pack and _katana_.

She quickly strode over to a nearby tree, one which had a hollow halfway up the trunk.

"We'll leave our things here." She said, lowering both our packs into the hollow of the tree. "We can collect them when we leave."

I nodded, tucking my kunai into my boot. The pouch of money went into my pocket.

"Let's go back to meet the others." She walked away quickly, clearly expecting me to follow her. I complied.

...

Once the four of us met up once more, Tera and I now looking significantly less like shinobi and more like civilians, we began to walk around the base of the first mountain, towards the village. The grounded angled even further upwards as we walked.

All at once the village swung into view, towering stone buildings which blended in with the rock faces of the mountains almost entirely. At first, it appeared as if the huge stone buildings were the only ones in the entire village, however as I peered into the streets of the village, I could see many smaller, much more modern buildings, which were bustling with the same cheerful hubbub as the commercial districts of Konoha.

Unlike Konoha, there was no wall surrounding the city - obviously, the Stone shinobi believed the mountain range to be enough of a defense against a sudden attack.

From our slightly elevated position at the crest of the small hill, I could make out a main road which cut through the centre of the city. That was the busiest area. Our vantage point also allowed us a clear view of a smaller road which led into the village from a hundred metres down from us.

"This is where we part." Kinoto said roughly, already moving away with Terai. I assumed they would sneak into the village somehow, leaving us to take the road in as civilians.

"Meet in exactly three weeks time, back at the base of the mountain." Was Kinoto's final instruction before he and Terai disappeared from sight, melting seamlessly into their surroundings.

Tera and I exchanged a quick glance before heading down the hill towards the smaller road.

"First things first," she began, leading the way. "We need a place to stay. And you need some new clothes."

Her authoritative tone and brisk instructions left no doubt in my mind as to who was in charge here, but strangely, I didn't mind. With Tera, I felt as if there was always more to find out.

...


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Hey guys, how are you liking the latest couple of chapters? So, this story has a few more chapters in it, I can't say for sure how many yet, but probably no more than ten. After that, I'll be wrapping it up. If you guys have liked my writing so far, I would really appreciate it if you gave my next story a go! I'm still drafting at the moment, but it will be a KakaSaku fic. Anyway, thank you for reading so far guys! Reviews are always appreciated xxx **

"We'd like a room, please. Staying indefinitely. We'll pay in cash. Thank you."

I barely listened as Tera spoke to the lady at the front desk of the inn, her voice uncharacteristically friendly. We'd spent the past hour buying a jacket and a new pair of jeans for me, and some gloves for Tera. Our search for an inn had been surprisingly fast, as we'd simply picked the cheapest and smallest one we could find.

Tera and the woman finished speaking, and I turned my attention back to the two, following them down the narrow hallway to a wooden sliding door, which was one of only two in the hall. The lady bowed to us before hurrying away, leaving us to slide back the door and enter the tiny room.

It was square and sparsely furnished, with only a thin futon on the ground and a tiny bathroom to the left. Tera barely glanced around the room, already closing the door behind us.

"We have the rest of the afternoon to do something productive before we can start searching around the streets tonight." She began quietly, conscious of the paper-thin walls.

I nodded, considering our options.

"We could explore the village." I suggested. "Make sure we know the layout well enough to get out of any tricky spots."

Tera considered for a moment, her steely eyes calculating.

"That seems like a good enough idea." She said finally. "Let's go, then."

...

The sky was pitch black and the streets of Iwagakure bustling with civilian activity when we finally began our search for information. We began by strolling through the streets, peering nonchalantly at the faces of those shinobi who were returning home from their day's work - and mentally sorting the innocent ones from the criminals. The activity in itself required that we suppress our chakra signals. It was strange, walking beside Tera without my usual sense of her chakra - to me, her chakra flow was a consistent fierceness, a controlled fire which shone out like a beacon to anyone with any sensory skill.

As we turned a corner and entered a smaller, slightly less busy market, I felt a surge in the chakra surrounding us. It felt greedy, wary, hard to pin down - and the sense was coming from the vendors around us. I stiffened. Tera noticed, and gave a small tug on my elbow to keep me moving.

"Just act like you didn't notice." She said calmly, fixing her face into a polite smile. "Try to pinpoint which ones are shinobi and which are civilians."

I nodded, pasting on my own smile.

We moved slowly down the street, stopping every few metres or so to look at a stall. I could still feel the same overwhelming sense of chakra, but I was slowly sorting the people around me into two categories - criminal shinobi in civilian clothes, and civilians who were potentially helping them use the stalls as a ruse.

As we neared the end of the street, a narrow alley opened up to our left. In the shadowy depths of the alley I could make out three figures, vaguely silhouetted in the darkness. I nudged Tera to direct her attention to the figures. The chakra signals coming from there were undoubtedly the strongest of any on the street, and they were, I expected, a decent place to start our interrogations.

Tera glanced at the alley and nodded shortly.

We drifted over to the stall directly beside the alley, pretending to suddenly find the handmade bags incredibly fascinating. My senses were on high alert, my muscles tensed as we finally entered the narrow space between buildings.

"Evening, gentlemen." Tera called lowly as we neared the three shinobi. I felt a jolt in their chakra as they flickered their eyes over us warily.

"Relax." Instructed Tera cheerfully, striding up to the first man. I followed suite, remaining silent.

"What do you want?" He growled warily. In the darkness, I could feel his eyes scanning our outlines, probably searching for weapons.

"We just want to talk a little." I spoke lowly, already starting a mild genjutsu to disrupt his chakra system. I extended the genjutsu to his two friends as well. I considered, for a moment, creating a torture room in their minds, to scare them into talking.

Alarmed, I cast the thought away; that had never been my way of getting information. Instead, I disrupted their thoughts, and their chakra systems, to the point where they were in complete and utter confusion. I quickly cut off their senses of sight, touch and hearing, leaving them in total darkness.

They stood before us in the alley, staring unseeingly at the street. I could barely make out the whites of their eyes.

"What did you do to them?" Tera asked calmly. Her voice didn't carry even a hint of disgust - I'd long since grown used to people who didn't know me getting frightened when I first used my genjutsu in front of them; her reaction was unprecedented.

"I've cut off their senses and sent them to a dark room in their minds." I replied quietly. "Usually, once I mention whatever it is I want to know, they reply out of reflex. It's because they know I can turn their hearing back off again."

Once again, I waited for a reaction of disgust. None came.

"Okay," She replied quietly. "Ask them."

I closed my eyes and sent my chakra out to them steadily, letting myself into their enforced darkness. In the space that I'd created, I held all the power. Kurenai had once explained it to me as a dimension within their minds - one which only I held the key to. I tried not to dwell on that idea too much, but it definitely came in useful.

It took me twenty minutes to drain the three of them of all the information they had. Once I'd turned their hearing on and off several times, forcing them to absolute bewilderment, they'd cracked fairly easily, spilling their secrets to mere strangers.

Tera hadn't said a word the whole time, until the moment I'd wiped their memories and released the genjutsu, leaving them to collapse on the floor. I felt a sudden surge of dizziness as we walked away, an effect of such a massive chakra use all in one go.

We left satisfied, however. Though the information we'd gotten from them had been rudimentary at best, facts we already knew from our mission briefing, we had learned of several new places to find more information.

I fell asleep as soon as we lay back down, finally in the inn once more. My nightmares took me far from the Land of Earth, to much colder places.

...


	33. Chapter 33

We fell into a strange sort of rhythm, Tera and I. Over the next two weeks, we spent every night interrogating shinobi on the streets, either casting a genjutsu, or simply bribing them, if they didn't try to intimidate us when we first greeted them. There were two incidents in which we had to kill someone: the first was towards the end of the third night, when my chakra stores were low, and one man broke from the genjutsu. He caught me by surprise and knocked me out - I didn't witness anything after that. From what she told me, Tera killed him swiftly and left his body in the alley, before carrying me home. Since that night, we'd both been on guard.

The second time was entirely my fault, and way outside of our jurisdiction.

It occurred when one woman told me too much, while under genjutsu. As we began to walk away, one of her comrades, waking from his own genjutsu, turned on her with intent to kill. My reaction was immediate and involuntary; I broke his neck.

The woman didn't even notice. She had already fallen to the ground from the after effects of my genjutsu. In truth, I'd wanted to move her, to spare her from having to wake up next to a corpse. Tera had ordered me to turn away, and I'd followed her instead.

It was at the end of our second week that the lack of sleep finally got the better of me. I'd been sleeping in twenty minute bursts since we'd arrived, adamant that I wouldn't have a panic attack in front of my scarily focussed teammate. As we reentered the inn, creeping into our room in the early hours of the morning, Tera gestured for me to take the futon with a flick of her hand.

"I'll take the watch." She offered, in a rare gesture of thoughtfulness. For a moment I considered refusing, but one quick check of my chakra reserves sent me straight to the floor. I curled up under the blanket, closing my eyes. I drifted off to sleep in seconds.

...

_"You're not going to escape me you'll never escape me I'm always here always watching you and you're MINE!"_

_His hands were on her throat, on her thighs, on her breasts and she couldn't breathe couldn't move couldn't scream he was-_

_"_No! No no no no..." I woke in a state of terror, a savage scream ripping from my throat before I could even open my eyes. As I rolled to my side, curling into a ball, I began to sob.

"No, no no no..." I couldn't stop, much as I wanted to. Slowly, the settings of the room came into focus, the thin futon I was lying on, the bare wall across from me, and the alarmed woman who hovered in my peripheral.

It took a supreme force of effort to pull myself up and crawl to the wall, leaning back against it. I pulled my knees to my chest and leant my chin on them, forcing my breathing to calm. I didn't speak as I slowly brought down my heart rate and breathing rate, staring blankly ahead of me. The silence that followed was punctuated only by my sharp, shallow breaths.

Eventually, I rose shakily to my feet, wiping the drying tears from my face.

"I'll take over the watch now." I informed Tera quietly, my voice cracking. She merely nodded and settled herself down onto the futon to sleep.

...

"It's been over two weeks." Kakashi stated bluntly, completely ignoring protocol as he strode into the Hokage's office, closing the door behind him with a thud. Tsunade sighed, rubbing her closed eyes with the backs of her hands. Reluctantly, she looked up at Kakashi, scanning his usually closed off face. Never before had she seen him look so obviously stressed, not even attempting to hide his impatience and frustration. There was a dark circle under his visible eye, and his hair bore the signs of being repeatedly ran through with his fingers. At her side, she felt Shizune tense as she too took in his obvious worry.

"I'm aware of that." She replied eventually, resting her chin on her hands. "You're not the only one who's been hounding me since she left, you know. I've had to kick Kurenai and Sakura out of here more times than I can count."

Her attempt at sarcastic humour was lost on the copy nin, who looked as if he was about to punch something. _Maybe he'll punch Danzo,_ she thought hopefully for a moment, before berating herself for the inappropriate joke. She sighed.

"Kakashi, I already regret letting her go." She admitted seriously. "In her state, I should never have considered it. I understand that you're worried, but there's nothing we can do until she returns. I'll take her off active duty as soon as she does, but for now you need to be rational. She's an ANBU level jounin, and your student. She can handle a fair bit."

Though everything the Hokage said was reasonable and meant to be calming, Kakashi couldn't convince himself to think the same way.

"She didn't even say goodbye to Kurenai." He pointed out for possibly the fifth time that week, frustration colouring his tone. Unspoken and unbidden, was his next thought: _She didn't even say goodbye to _me_._

... ...

"Tera, I need to train." I stated late that afternoon, breaking the silence which had fallen over our shared room in the past couple of hours. Tera looked up from where she was sharpening her kunai, her face as impassive as always, but for the tiny spark of interest which I could see forming in her eyes.

"Casting genjutsu is fine," I explained. "But I need to spar; we haven't had a proper fight since we arrived."

Tera considered me for a moment, probably weighing the risks of leaving the village for even a short amount of time and potentially blowing our cover against the physical urge which must have been plaguing her veins recently as well. Finally, she nodded.

"Okay. We have several hours before we're heading for that warehouse we found out about, so we can probably fit it in."

I gave a small smile, then abruptly frowned. It was the unfamiliar sensation of curving my mouth upwards which reminded me of just how rare it was for me to smile, these days. I pushed that unnerving thought away, focussing instead on the sparring session ahead.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Hey guys! So, just a warning that the next few chapters after this one will be fairly violent and graphic in that sense. Also, I'm sorry for the cliffhanger but I should have the next chapter out in the next few days. If you have a minute to leave a review, that would be really appreciated! Especially if it's to help me fix any errors or suggest where I should be clearer about something. Thank ****you! xx**

Tera's first kick landed a blow on my ribs with a sickening crunch, sending me back several feet as I struggled to pull in a deep breath. I barely noticed the aching pain as I sprung back into action, managing to land a glancing blow of my own on Tera's shoulder. The crunch of the frost beneath our feet and the harsh cracks of our blows connecting was the only sound that indicated that we were even in the isolated clearing we'd found to spar in. Though we'd wandered reasonably far from the village to train, both of us were still on high alert.

Tera leapt towards me, aiming a blow at my jaw. I ducked, going in for her torso side on. With a sharp elbow to the stomach, I managed to knock Tera over onto her back, her blue hair splayed out around her on the ice-hardened ground. I brought my breathing down as she gave a defeated laugh, signalling the end of the match.

I extended a hand to help her back up, wincing as she took it and my own injuries became apparent. _I'm going to have some decent bruises tomorrow,_ I thought. My ribs ached from her earlier kick, and I suspected I had done some damage to my forearm.

Fighting in my civilian clothes had also been a worse idea than I thought, despite how tight fitting and stretchy they were. Unlike my ANBU or jounin gear, the clothes had soaked up all the excess water on the ground from the partly melted ice and frost. I sighed, suppressing a shiver as a small gust of wind set goosebumps up my arms.

"We should get back." Tera stated, face already recomposed. I could detect a hint of regret in her tone, however, something I wouldn't have been able to find two weeks ago.

"Mm." I agreed with a hum, turning to follow Tera as we strode back the way we'd come.

We'd only just reached the crest of the hill which led back down into the village when all hell broke loose.

Two things happened simultaneously: first, I felt a massive surge in chakra disturbance and killing intent coming from the village. In itself, this was a cause for alarm, but I would not have thought it was directly related to us if the second thing hadn't occurred.

With an incredible cracking, crashing sound, an _entire building_ on the outskirts of the city collapsed into a pile of rubble. In the split second after, as a huge cloud of dust rose from the debris, Tera and I made the connection at the same time. The building - or what was left of it - was the inn we'd been staying in.

In the one second of stunned silence which followed the collapse, I turned to Tera. Her face, usually composed, was open with surprise.

"Our information." I managed to say. "It's all in there -"

Tera nodded.

"Suppress your chakra signal and move _quickly._" She hissed, already racing off down the hill in a blur. I followed after her, hiding my chakra at the same time.

_Someone's given us away,_ was all I could think. It didn't matter. The information which I'd scribed into our sealed scrolls was the objective of the mission, and we needed to secure it.

As we reached the street which our inn had used to stand on, we slowed our pace slightly, pausing in the shadow of a building to take in the scene ahead of us.

"Fuck." I whispered under my breath.

The whole street had been cleared of civilians in the wake of the building's collapse. The rubble of the building was being combed by a group of Stone shinobi, all wearing fierce glares. I tensed in surprise as I recognised two of the chakra signals. Beside me, I felt Tera do the same.

_Terai and Kinoto are here,_ I realised. Though they were still using a henge, I could easily distinguish them from the rest of the group - though if we weren't their teammates, the difference between them and the other Shinobi would have been imperceptible.

Quickly, I weighed up our options. We couldn't run straight in and attempt to make away with the scrolls - there were too many shinobi to fight, and we most likely would only give away the position of the information. Likewise, we couldn't expect Kinoto and Terai to help without blowing their carefully concealed cover.

Tera nudged me, breaking my train of thought. I looked up quickly, scanning the scene.

Kinoto ambled slowly over to a patch of rubble, followed nonchalantly by Terai. I bit my lip nervously, watching as they began to shift a pile of debris together. The other shinobi paid them no notice, too busy scanning the ground beneath them or the street for signs of us. I tried to calm my chakra flow, forcing my chakra signals down to nothing, even as every muscle in my body screamed for me to move.

It seemed Kinoto found what he was looking for. I watched in complete silence as he discretely tucked the scrolls into his sleeve, thankful that they seemed undamaged.

The two men continued to work, barely pausing before moving on to the next section.

I let out a tiny sigh of relief. To my surprise, Tera seemed even more tense than before.

"What is it?" I murmured lowly. She shook her head.

"We need to go, now." She replied, strangely unnerved. I didn't question her order, and followed her as she slipped from the street, breaking into a run as soon as we'd turned the corner. We sprinted back up the hill we'd come from, pausing only when we reached the top. Abruptly, Tera pulled me into a crouch behind a lone tree. I sensed the shinobi a split second after she did. He raced past, running over the spot we'd been standing only seconds before. I let out a deep breath once he was gone.

"What's going on?" I asked lowly.

"We're the distraction." was all she would say.


	35. Chapter 35

We made our way swiftly into the forest as far as we dared, stopping only when we were a mile or so from the village. It was an area we hadn't frequented before, but I didn't ask any questions. Something was clearly troubling Tera.

When she finally ground to a halt, it was between an overhang of boulders, and several trees. She pulled me under the cover of the overhang and held up a finger, indicating that I should stay silent. I complied, listening out for any sounds around us.

After a moment, she seemed satisfied, and turned her focus to me.

"Listen very carefully." She breathed, whole body tense. "We can't die yet."

I stared at her.

"Kinoto and Terai must have given us away," She continued, eyes sharp. "Most likely to help them escape. I've been in a situation like this before. Without all the information I can't know for sure, but it seems they found out something which needs to be reported to Danzo-sama immediately. They're using us as a distraction to get away while the Stone shinobi are looking for us."

I continued to stare at her.

"Surely they could leave without a distraction?" I asked lowly. She shook her head.

"They would if they could." She replied shortly.

I considered the situation for a moment. _They gave away their teammates,_ was my first thought. I quickly dispelled it. _This is ANBU, not child's play. If it's for the good of the village, then it's necessary. _

I nodded. A spark of relief lit up in Tera's eyes as she took in my assent.

"What's the plan?" I asked quietly. She considered for a moment.

"We need to give them time. Obviously, this can't be traced back to Konoha, so we can't be captured alive. We'll put up a good fight."

_This really was a suicide mission,_ I realised dully. _Danzo must have known we couldn't all survive._

"Was this planned from the outset?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Tera didn't deny it.

"Sacrifice is necessary." She replied, as if quoting directly from Danzo himself. "If Kinoto and Terai were sent to find sensitive information, it is our job to ensure they return to deliver it. Let's go."

That said, we left the relative safety of the overhang, heading back towards the village. As we drew closer, I felt a strong sense of antagonised chakra signals moving around the village borders. I took a deep breath.

...

We found trouble sooner rather than later. Our route carried us straight into the path of three Stone shinobi, none of whom looked terribly impressed to see us. We sprang into action swiftly, each taking a target. Without weapons, and outnumbered, we were at a considerable advantage. I was suddenly incredibly grateful for Kakashi's taijutsu training.

I snapped the first man's neck with ease, mildly surprised that I'd managed to take him out so quickly. Behind me, I heard Tera do the same. The remaining woman let out an enraged shriek at the sight of her two comrades dead on the ground, and I felt a brief fluttering of pity for her.

Her cry echoed, bouncing over the rocky hills and icy ground around us. Almost immediately I felt the incoming chakra signals which indicated her call had been for help. Tera sighed.

"Take some weapons." She ordered distractedly, already moving forwards to deal with the remaining woman. I didn't watch as she killed her, instead bending down to pull a short sword and a kunai from the body of the man I'd killed.

Tera followed suite, stealing the woman's weapons.

"Back to back?" I asked shortly. She nodded, a tiny smile curving at the corners of her mouth. We quickly moved into the pair formation we'd learnt while training together, protecting one another's backs. I could sense a small thrill coming from Tera at the prospect of an all out fight. Not for the first time, I wondered about her sanity. _Then again,_ I scolded myself, _I'm ready to stretch a little too._

The thought was horrifying, and I quickly retracted it. I didn't have very long to ponder my own callousness, however, before our surroundings burst into a blur of red and navy, made up by the seven or so Stone shinobi who had us surrounded. Tera and I tensed simultaneously.

"Take them alive." A grave-faced shinobi ordered.

"Hai!" Came the chorus from around the circle.

The first man who ran at me was easy to knock unconscious. I dealt a hard blow with the handle of my newly-acquired sword to his temple, knocking him out cold. He fell to the ground, and the next one quickly replaced him. I fell into a quick fight with the woman, each of us wielding identical swords. She was fast - the deep, quick slash across my shoulder was evidence of that. Distantly, I felt the pain, but I didn't have time to recognise it as I kicked her legs out from underneath her and slashed her throat as she lay on the ground. Unfortunately, I could not be as gentle with her as with the first man.

From behind me, I heard Tera curse. I raised an eyebrow in surprise, but couldn't turn while fighting my next opponent. I quickly figured out what the problem was, however. From all around us, reinforcements were racing in.

I plunged my sword into the chest of the man who had originally ordered for us to be taken alive, ignoring his reflexive blow across my jaw. He was quickly replaced by another one - and then another one. I wasn't dead yet, though my injuries were stacking up.

I gave an involuntary cry of pain as one nin landed a particularly painful blow against my raised forearm, cracking the bone. All this taijutsu was making it incredibly hard for me to weave my genjutsu.

I tried not to let myself get distracted, only just dodging a kunai which had been hurled at my throat. It nicked the side of my neck instead before thudding harmlessly into the ground somewhere behind me. I didn't have time to counterattack; I just needed...

"Tera!" I gasped, leaping backwards to stand closer to her. "I need you to distract them for just one moment."

She swore, dancing out of the way of a sword.

"I'm a little busy!" She barked back, kicking a man in the stomach at the same moment as I buried my kunai into another man's chest.

"I'll tell you when." I managed to gasp out, reeling from a sharp blow to my torso. "Now!"

Tera didn't disappoint. She whipped through the hand signs for a fireball jutsu, blowing a huge billow of fire across the clearing. As I'd expected, every shinobi dropped to the ground to avoid the flames, losing their focus for a split second. The split second was all I needed; I focused all my chakra into forcing a genjutsu onto the surrounding nin, panting at the strain of covering so many opponents at once. It took only a moment for me to plant the scene in their minds, paying more attention to detail than I usually would.

The group of shinobi merely stared blankly ahead as I finished and turned briskly to tug on Tera's arm. I swayed as a huge wave of dizziness hit me, probably from all the chakra I'd expelled.

"Run, quickly." I managed to gasp out, barely aware that she pulled my arm over her shoulder and began to support me as we ran.

I was barely conscious as we ran, held together more by adrenaline than anything else.

"We only have a few minutes." I forced out, pushing our pace faster.  
"What did you do to them?" She asked. I noticed the strain in her voice, too, and realised she was probably injured as well.

"I'll explain in a minute." I replied, conscious that they'd be 'waking up' at any moment.

We ran (or more accurately, staggered) for what felt like hours, but was probably only several minutes. I hadn't realised our destination until Tera pulled us to a halt by the river we'd swam in on our first day.

"Explain." She demanded, breathing laboured.

...


	36. Chapter 36

"Explain." She demanded, breathing laboured. I bit my lip, trying my best not to lose consciousness. Now was definitely not the time for that.

"They're under a genjutsu." I supplied quietly, wincing as the adrenaline began to fade from my body, and the pain began to set in.

"Clearly." Tera raised an eyebrow dismissively. "How does that help the mission?"

I briefly considered explaining my plan to her, but a quick calculation of the time limits on my genjutsu led me to shake my head.

"There's no time." I replied firmly, moving towards the tree which we'd hidden our belongings in weeks ago. "We need to get our stuff and get moving. Terai and Kinoto should be long gone by now, right?"  
For a moment, she looked as if she was going to argue, but sense seemed to get the better of her. She nodded, moving over to the tree much faster than me and pulling our belongings from the hollow. They were a little frosty, but otherwise unharmed.

"Yes, I imagine they're far enough away." She answered finally, throwing her pack over her shoulder and handing me mine. "We won't get far in this state, though. You're not a secret medic, are you?" She asked hopefully.

I shook my head, distracted. I thought for a moment. _This will hurt like hell,_ I decided ruefully. _But it's the best chance we have._ I took a deep breath.

"I have an idea." I murmured, still weighing up risks. Tera glanced at me curiously.

"We'll float in the river for as long as we can," I began, ignoring her incredulous stare. "At least until we're as far as possible from Iwagakure. Then we'll walk back to Konoha, and by then they won't think we're a threat any longer." I finished, speaking more to myself than her.

_Actually, I do sound mildly delusional,_ I realised as she raised her eyebrows. _Oh well._

Without waiting for an answer I limped towards the river, steeling myself for the freezing cold. The first few steps were chilling, but it wasn't until I was waist deep in icy water that I really felt the sting of the cold. A couple of seconds later Tera followed me in, her features once more schooled into an impassive mask.

It took a supreme amount of effort to force myself deeper into the water, till I could no longer touch the ground beneath my feet. It took even more effort to go against all my instincts as a kunoichi and let the river float me downstream, relinquishing my own control of my movement.

The current was faster than I'd expected, and within moments the icy flow of water had whisked us away from the bank, taking us round a bend abruptly. I tried to ignore the searing pain of cold which was taking over my limbs.

Tera paddled numbly over to me, latching onto my arm with her hand.

"This is going to kill us." She managed with a shiver. I didn't reply. "What did you do to them, anyway?" She fixed me with a glare, as if challenging me to evade her question again. A dull ache clutched at my heart as I tried not to remember the last time I'd used the technique. I took a quick, shallow, breath.

"It's a genjutsu which permanently alters memories." I replied quietly, trying to ignore my teeth chattering together. "It's risky, because it takes a while to set, so in close combat the distraction can be fatal. As well as that, it drains so much of the user's chakra that it's impossible to keep fighting after setting it. But in essence, it's a technique for when you don't have a hope of winning. I used your distraction to set it, and I made them believe they were watching us disguise ourselves as Stone shinobi. In the vision, they saw us henge into Stone shinobi just like them. They also think that they saw me accidentally expose my mist tattoo. That means they won't be able to trace the attack back to Konoha."

Tera looked mildly impressed, but nodded for me to continue.

"The reason this genjutsu is so effective," I murmured, wincing at a sudden stab of pain in my ribs, "is that it draws on images and sounds which the enemy have already seen while in the fight - it makes it incredibly hard to tell apart the real memories from the fake ones, because technically all I did was reconstruct a group of real memories." Tera merely stared at me in bewilderment, so I did my best to explain. Besides, the discussion was a welcome distraction from the incredible cold of the water, and the pain of my own injuries.

"Well obviously they would all have seen Stone shinobi fighting at that point, so that memory was already sealed. The next step was to make it look as if we were losing, which clearly wasn't hard." Tera gave a tiny, amused smile at my sarcasm, but didn't interrupt. I continued. "Then while we were fighting, I let my Mist tattoo show as my shirt came up over my hip. So they all had a memory involving Mist. And then, I used your fireball as the final memory. Once I had them in the genjutsu, I only had to rearrange the order of the images to make them believe that they'd really seen two Mist kunoichi transform into Stone shinobi while we distracted them with the fireball jutsu. They should be waking up any moment now, and when they do they won't even realise they've been under genjutsu. Hopefully they'll start fighting amongst themselves to find out who the 'transformed' nin are. Even if they don't, it bought us some time to get away, and averted suspicion from Konoha."

Tera was silent for a long moment. I concentrated on the gnarled trees we were floating swiftly by, noting that we appeared to have well and truly reentered the forest. Strangely, I couldn't feel the pain of the cold anymore. It was more like an all encompassing numbness. I wondered absently if that was a bad thing.

"Well fuck, Kaya." She muttered finally. "You have a Mist tattoo?" I noticed the blue tinge to her lips - she really needed to warm up. _Actually, so do I,_ I realised distantly.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, completely ignoring her question. It wasn't a secret that I'd been born into Mist, but I hardly needed the scrutiny from her.

The question seemed to bring her back to the current situation. She grimaced.

"A little."

"We need to get out soon." I murmured, realising with a slight surge of panic that I couldn't properly move my limbs anymore. "And then we have to try to warm up, and take care of our injuries. I promised someone I'd come back alive."  
I realised as my vision swam dizzyingly that I wasn't really in a state to be giving instructions.

...

p


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Hey guys! So as you know, this story will be coming to a close soon (only a few more chapters!). After that, however, I will be writing more f****ics! My next story will be a KakaSaku fic. If you guys enjoyed this story or would like to read any others I post in the future, I'd love it if you'd let me know! You guys are wonderful. xxx**

"Kaya! Oi, Kaya, don't die on me. Kaya! Come on, Kaya, wake up."

The distant sound of Tera's voice was an irritating buzz in my ear. Absently, I wondered why she sounded so worried. I forced my eyes open with a sigh, coming back to the world around me.

Everything _hurt._ With the pain came the awareness that I was shivering violently, waist deep in freezing water and being held up by Tera, who looked significantly pissed off.

"Finally." She muttered, relinquishing her hold on my shirt and staggering a little further from the water. I tried to find my feet on the river floor, but my limbs were too numb and abruptly, I fell over, sinking underwater.

Tera hauled me out by my shirt once again with an exasperated sigh.

"Sorry." I gasped, forcing my legs to stand this time. We staggered and stumbled from the icy water, both of us shivering and coughing. I noticed with some trepidation that the last vestiges of sunlight were sinking below the trees; soon it would be dark, and colder.

At last we collapsed onto the bank of the river, exhausted, bruised and battered. I sank immediately to the ground, clutching on to the short blades of grass beneath me with my fingertips. I breathed the cold air in raggedly. Even my lungs felt numb.

...

Kakashi paced his apartment agitatedly, running his hand through his hair as he walked. _Stupid_, the walls seemed to say. _Stupid,_ was the sound of his footsteps. He knew it was his own fault she hadn't said goodbye to him. He'd obviously freaked the hell out of her by going too fast, and she was just like him. She'd sooner run off to her death than talk about her feelings.

And he was certain that that was what she'd done. ANBU work was highly secretive, and usually highly sensitive, but unless they were in Root Division a shinobi usually had the option to say no to a mission. Which meant she'd taken the mission on purpose, even knowing she wasn't fit for active duty.

_Stubborn woman,_ he thought sourly, running his hand anxiously through his hair. Absently, he checked his watch.

_It's probably about time to go see Tsunade again, actually._

He left his apartment quickly, hurrying to find the Hokage and ask for Kaya's mission details once more. He was sure she'd crack eventually.

...

It seemed like only seconds had passed between the moment I collapsed to the ground on the riverbank, and the moment when I realised with a startling certainty that if we didn't move right then, we were going to die. It had to have been longer than that, though - I blinked my eyes open to pitch darkness, save the light of the moon, high up in the sky.

With that realisation came the realisation that I couldn't feel my limbs. A strange, persistent burning was spreading throughout my torso, and my head felt light and dizzy. I felt a sudden urge to close my eyes once more and lie my head back down. I wavered.

"Kaya..." From somewhere to my right came a low groan. My eyes snapped open. Tera's voice was hoarse and weak. With a supreme effort of will, I forced my frozen body to move till I was on my hands and knees. I couldn't stop the pained sob which slipped from my lips, nor the shaking in my limbs. I tried to ignore the pain as I crawled over to where Tera lay on her back, unmoving.

"Tera?" I asked, my own voice as hoarse as hers. Her gaze flickered dully to mine. In the moonlight, she looked pale and washed out. I cringed inwardly.

"I think you need medical attention." I managed to say, the very action of talking hurting my throat. She didn't reply for a long moment.

"Come on." I murmured, ignoring the pain in my own body as I slid my arm under her body. Her skin was like ice to touch, and her body was stiff and heavy as I attempted to drag her up off the riverbank.

I managed to pull her a few inches before a searing pain in my shoulder caused me to cry out. I bit my lip, hard, not noticing that I'd drawn blood until I felt the coppery taste fill my mouth.

Tera sighed.

"I've got it." she mumbled, pulling herself slowly on to her hands and knees as well. We crawled together up the small slope, our pace agonizingly slow. Several times we had to stop as one of us collapsed back to the ground from the cold and the pain of our injuries. It seemed to take hours for us to just reach the first trees at the side of the river.

When we finally collapsed again within the tree line, Tera didn't get back up. I truly considered staying on the ground too, and letting the hypothermia set in. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done to pull myself back to a crouch and pull the small fire-starter kit from the pack which had miraculously stayed clipped to my back.

I gathered the few pieces of wood I could find scattered around me and arranged them into something resembling a pile.

My numb fingers struggled to light a match at first - they felt like motionless blocks of ice, and my own shivering kept me from steadying my hand. On the third try, I managed to light a match, and held it to one of the smaller, lighter pieces of wood. The flame caught.

I breathed a sigh of relief as the spark of heat spread, the wood crackling as the fire began to take hold. I quickly added some more smaller twigs and let my hands hover over the fire. A low groan brought my attention back to my teammate.

Tearing myself from the fire, I crawled to Tera.

"There's a fire." I murmured, voice cracking. She moaned again. I latched onto her shoulder and used the last vestiges of my strength to drag her closer to the flames. As the heat began to spread, encompassing our frozen bodies, a searing pain ripped through first my fingers, then my arms and legs. Tera must have felt it too, because she gave an agonised cry, her face contorting at the sense of heat. She tried to turn and roll away from the fire. I held her still, struggling to hold in my own cries. Though the heat was all that could save our lives, the feeling of it thawing out or frozen limbs was agonising. I gripped tightly to her shoulders as her struggling stopped and she began to force her breathing to calm.

It was only when I felt a strange, wet, warmth on my face that I reached up to brush my cheek. Blood mixed with tears stuck to my fingers. I grimaced. First we had to warm up, but we needed to treat our injuries, too. The throbbing in my temples was more insistent now, as was the consistent burn of the stab wounds on my body. Tera, too, appeared to have several deep cuts on her arms.

Our clothes were still wet and cold. I shook as I pulled my shirt up over my head, the night air freezing against my damp skin. From my pack, I pulled my protective ANBU vest, and the blanket which Tera had lent me on the journey to Stone, weeks ago.

I realised with a start that I was sobbing lightly, tears running down my face once again. The sound roused Tera from her drifting unconsciousness.

"What are you doing?" she rasped, eyes more focussed than before. "Put the blanket on."

I complied, falling back into my role as her kohai. The blanket was mostly dry, protected as it was within the waterproof pack, and the protection it offered was instantly warming. My pants were still wet, and my boots waterlogged, but I knew I needed to get Tera warm before I could tend to those.

"Where's your pack?" I asked. I noticed then that she was trembling just as much as I was.

"I think I left it on the bank." she mumbled, eyelids drooping once again. I shook her.

"Don't fall asleep." I instructed. It dawned on me suddenly that she probably had a concussion - her injuries didn't look life-threatening, but her eyes were slightly unfocussed.

"I'll go get it." I said firmly, wiping more tears from my cheeks with one hand. She nodded vaguely.

I attempted to stand, but my legs gave way beneath me. The muscles in my thighs seized up in protest; I held in a curse.

Once more, I tried to move, this time reverting back to the crawling I'd managed before. Now that my limbs were no longer so numb, even the slightest movement sent pain jolting through me. I ignored it, forcing myself further on my hands and knees, until I finally reached the area of the river bank which we'd collapsed onto.

Her pack lay undamaged in the mud. I breathed a sigh of relief, ignoring the sharp stab of pain which danced across my temples, momentarily blurring my vision.

"Can you sit up?" I asked Tera as I settled back down next to her. She ignored me. I bit my lip, shaking her gently with one arm. My left arm was broken, I realised.

"What?" she replied finally, grabbing onto me as she lifted herself of the ground. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her up into a seated position.

"You need to get out of those clothes." I said, blinking away more tears from my eyes. _Why can't I stop crying?_ I wondered.

My thoughts were interrupted as Tera gave a low, hoarse laugh.

"Not the most original pick up line I've ever heard, kid." she replied. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

...


End file.
